The College
by AtomicJellybean
Summary: When Sharli is run out of her homeland for practicing magic, she flees to The College of Winterhold in search of a place where she can do what she loves in peace. What she finds instead though, is a dangerous web of conspiracy that runs deeper than she ever could have imagined, and it will take everything she's got just to stay alive. (On temporary NaNo WriMo hiatus)
1. Chapter 1 - The Bridge

Chapter 1

Winterhold has always been renowned for being one of the coldest holds in Skyrim, but I never thought it could be this cold. The weird thing was though, most of the town's occupants where totally fine with it; they walked around in those threadbare clothes Skyrim was renowned for just the same as any of the nords I'd met in the warmer holds like The Reach or Whiterun. And then there was me; I'd been getting funny looks all day, huddled next to the fire in The Frozen Hearth bundled up beneath five layers of thick fur and leather like I was, I suppose I did look a bit stupid.

I suppressed a shiver, I really did seem to be the only who was cold. I suppose it was because I was Redguard, culture shock's not the only thing you have to worry about if you're moving from the boiling sands of Hammerfell to snowy plains of Skyrim.

It's not like I chose to move here, I was practically kicked onto the streets by mother and told by the kings guards that if any of them ever saw me hanging round again I'd be dead within minutes. I'd fled to the docks thinking that it would be the safest way to get out the quickest, unfortunately for me though, the only outbound ship had been to Skyrim.

At first the mountainous landscape and chilly weather had been a welcome change, if you spend your entire life in a desert, sand starts to get kind of boring, but now I'd been here close to a week and I was starting to forget about the whole untamed-natural-beauty thing and focusing on the fact that I was very, very cold.

I was also running out of money, fast. When I first arrived I'd tried to be a mercenary, but my first job had failed spectacularly; some argonian in Dawnstar had asked me to go into this cave for him to get some sword thingy that'd been stolen by a frost troll, what he'd neglected to mention was the fact that the cave was also home to a rather nasty bunch of frostbite spiders. My flame spell had held them of for about five minutes before I finally succumbed to exhaustion and terror and ended up being dragged out by a group kindly hunters who just so happened to be passing by. The Argonian paid me squat and called me a 'Nord-kissing-air breather', whatever the hell that's supposed to mean, and to top it all off, the hunters demanded I pay them for rescuing me!

So I was a little short on cash, as in, I had twenty septims left in my coin purse, and that number was dwindling fast.

As I was contemplating my poor financial situation, a tall Nord in heavy plate mail sat down next to me. He stank of mead and had to steady himself with a chunky hand so he didn't fall of the wooden bench.

"Might I ask what a fine redguard lady like your self is doing in the frozen north?" he asked in the style of the typical drunken nord. Luckily it wouldn't take long for me to send him on his way.

"I'm heading up to the college to study the dark art of necromancy," I said as I pulled a steel dagger out of a holster strapped to my leg, then grabbed the man and pressed the blade against the soft pink flesh of his neck "unfortunately for you I'm in the market for, how should I put it, _test subjects." _

"Let me go, please!" he whimpered as he struggled to escape my grip.

"Do you promise to never let me see your face again?" I asked.

"Anything, anything! Please! I have a wife and daughter!" He continued to squirm in a feeble attempt to get loose. The other people in the tavern were beginning to stare, so I decided to wrap this up.

"Leave this place, and if I ever see you again, well… I'm sure your wife would love to hear all about our little encounter." I said, and then pushed him away from me in one fluid motion. He ran straight out into the darkness, not bothering to pick up the sword he'd left leant against the bench.

"That was harsh," a voice behind me said, "Gudlin's a sleazy drunk, but aside from that he's harmless."

"Oh yeah? And how would you know that? The man just tried to cheat on his wife, that doesn't seem so harmless to me." I replied and turned round to face yet another nord.

"The man's all talk, he loves his wife, Grier, more than anything. He'd never hurt her like that on purpose." The nord set down next to me on the wooden bench. He was unusually lanky for one of his race, but the bench still creaked underneath our combined weights.

"You seem to know a lot about him, who are you anyway?" I asked.

"Oh forgive me, I mustn't have introduced myself. The name's Brendr, I word here some nights as a bard." He offered me a heavily calloused hand to shake.

"Sharla." I replied and shook it.

"I'm going to go out on a limb here and say you're not really a necromancer, are you?" He said. I chuckled slightly in response.

"You're right, I'm not. I am a mage though." I reply conversationally.

"Oh really? What school do you practice?" he asked, genuine interest sparking in his eyes.

"Conjuration mostly, but I dabble a little in destruction and illusion" I replied.

"What spells do you use?" His head tilted slightly to one side and he was leaning slightly towards me, he looked really cute!

"Too many to list!" I said, before asking a question of my own, "Say, most of your kind scorns magic, why are you so interested?"

"That's an incredibly long story that would take us straight through to Tirdas if I tried to tell it. Let's just say I'm not really like most nords and leave it at that." He offered.

"Fair enough." I smiled, a gesture he returned.

"I suppose you're wondering if I'm any good on the lute?" he asked, gesturing towards the instrument laid on his lap.

"What can you play?" I asked.

"Oh just the usual, Rorik the red, dragonborn comes, that sort of thing."

"Let's hear it then!" I said enthusiastically. I loved the lute, and loved the songs they sung in Skyrim. I shrugged one of my cloaks off having been warmed up a bit more by the heat of the fire, and I settled down to listen to Brandr's gravelly voice fill the room.

'''

The path leading up to the college of winterhold was treacherous, but I didn't let it spoil my good mood; I was thrilled, I hadn't expected to be accepted because everyone on the ship had said it was difficult to get in, but all I had to do was shoot a firebolt at the ground. I gave myself an imaginary pat on the back; I'd made it, and all on my own as well.

"Be careful on this next section, the great collapse destroyed the sides of the bridge so it is especially dangerous." The mage who let me in, a high elf named Faralda, shouted back to me. I had to strain to hear her voice because of the wind, but I could see quite clearly what she was talking about.

"Okay." I yelled back in acknowledgement, although I doubted I would have any difficulty; I'd been brought up in a culture that prided itself on its physical capabilities, any woman hoping to make a name for herself had to be incredibly strong and agile, and not to mention have good balance!

The densely packed snow was almost as slippery as ice beneath my well-worn boots. A fellow traveller on the boat to Skyrim had suggested covering the soles of my boots in tar or some other similarly sticky substance, it had sounded like a good idea so I'd heeded his advice, unfortunately after the many miles I'd walked the covering was beginning to wear thin. I was okay for the time being though; I just had to focus on the path ahead.

When we reached the most dangerous section of the path, Faralda slowed down considerably.

"Watch your footing." She warned, I slowed my pace to match hers. I risked a glance downwards, and felt my breath catch in my throat. The view was stunning, having grown in the Alik'r desert, I'd never seen anything like it and I couldn't help but be awestruck by its enormity; it was like sheer black chasm had opened up between Winterhold and its college, the only thing joining the two was the string of damaged ancient stone, it was almost as if the tiniest tremor would shatter their bond, leaving behind nothing but the charcoal mountains that stretched down into oblivi-

My foot slipped.

I felt my body crash into the icy stone path; my back slammed into the mound of solid snow and pushed all the air from my lungs with a small 'oomph' sound. I didn't have time to catch my breath though, as my momentum carried me over the edge of the bridge feet first. I quickly grabbed onto the cold stone lip of the path, the jagged rock dug into my hands, slicing into the soft flesh of my palms causing rivulets of red to run down my arm and stain my robe. I tried to scream for help, but the sound caught in my throat and came out as more of a pitiful whining sound.

On the path, I heard Faralda's secure footsteps approaching me. Her face appeared above, framed by the grey sky and towering mountains.

"Hold still child, help will be here shortly. Do not under any circumstances let go." She told me in a calm, measured tone. I nodded in response, still struggling to get my breath back. Faralda disappeared again, presumably to find someone capable of casting a spell to rescue me. I felt the strength in my arms waver, I didn't know if I would be able to hold on long enough for her to bring help.

My fingers began to slip on the crimson stained rock; my arms ached with the effort of holding on. I began to wonder if it would such a bad idea to just … let go.

And then my fingertips slipped, and I fell.

'''

I closed my eyes, this was it, I was going to die. My side slammed into the pillar that supported the bridge, the jagged rock tore through the thin fabric of my robe and ripped open a jagged gash in my arm, I gasped in pain as I continued to fall, hundreds of splinters of rock now making the descent with me.

It was a long way to the ground, but it felt like seconds, my fall was slowed slightly by the billowing fabric of my clothes; they would probably be useless now, soaked in blood and ripped as they were.

And then I stopped feeling the pain, the only sensation being the feeling of the wind against my torn skin. I'd heard people back home talking about this sensation before, seconds before a warrior must face death time seems to slow and the pain of their wounds seems to melt away. My mother said it was a gift from Tu'whacca, to ease the transition of warriors through to the afterlife.

I opened my eyes again, savouring the last few seconds of life I had before I slipped of the mortal plane for good. It was then that I noticed the gold tendrils of magic, wrapping themselves around my body, slowly knitting together the tatters of broken skin on my hands and arm. I was still falling though.

It was then that I hit the ground.

Every fibre of my being screamed in agony, but I found myself unable to utter a sound. I'd instinctively screwed my eyes shut when I hit the ground, but I could still feel the pointed rock digging into my skin, still feel the way my bones had snapped and contorted when I hit the ground, I could still feel the restoration magic seeping inside me and fixing the damage as it occurred. I owed my life to whoever cast that spell.

"Hey, you still with me?" A voice punctured my wavering consciousness. I was alive, but only just.

"Are you the one that-"I managed to mumble through shallow breaths and damaged lungs. I opened my eyes and blinked away the haze. I was face with a wood elf, he was dressed in the uniform that apprentices at the college wore and had beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

"Yes, that was me. You should save your breath though, my magic was only strong enough to stave off the worst of the damage, you're still gravely injured," He spoke breathlessly as he laid a warm fur cloak over my pain wracked body. "We need to keep you warm until help arrives, okay?"

"Okay." I mumbled.

"Hey, what's your name?" He asked me directly.

"Sharli" I answered quietly, the brief rush of adrenaline brought on by the pain was fading fast, I could feel my eyes closing.

"Nice to meet you. My name's Nalimi, what type of magic to do you practice?" He asked, pausing only to shoot two firebolts into the air, the recognised signal flare for the college.

"Err, conjuration…" I answered hazily.

"Hey, Sharli, stay with me." Nalimi said, barely a hint of nerves in his tone despite the fact he was on a steep mountain with a dying woman.

"But I'm so tired…" I could hardly speak, the pain had faded away and been replaced by an intense wave of lethargy.

"I know you're tired but you can't sleep yet. If you go to sleep now you might never wake up" He said, switching to another restoration spell. He activated the spell and placed his warm hands on my shoulders, allowing the healing magic to flow directly to where it was needed the most. "So what spells can you do?" he asked absently, his brow knit together in concentration. I could see what he was trying to do; he was trying to keep me conscious by holding my attention with questions.

"I can summon a flame atronach." I replied with a little more strength in my voice, the healing spell was working and I felt stronger than I had previously. The same could not be said for Nalimi though, his skin was pallid and his mages robes were drenched with sweat, he looked like he could pass out at any second.

"That's really good; you're a redguard aren't you? What are you doing in Skyrim?" He asked, his question distracting me from the fact that his spell was weakening.

"My mother kicked me out because she caught me practicing magic. She hired a load of soldiers to kill me if I ever came back." I explained.

"That's a shame. Skyrim itself is not short on ignorance, but at least there's the college." He replied, I could see the strain on his face as he forced the last of his magical reserves into the spell. I pushed him away gently.

"Stop. If you channel any more of your magic into that spell you'll kill yourself." I insisted, I was still in a lot of pain but it wasn't as bad as it was.

"If I don't heal you as best I can, you'll die!" He insisted, activating the spell again. But this time the magic wasn't gold, it had barely any colour at all.

"Stop!" I insisted again, "One corpse is always better than two. Wait until the masters from the college get here, they probably won't be long."

"They could be hours away."

"I couldn't live with myself if you died saving me."

"I couldn't live with myself if I don't save you."

"That's an awful lot to give up for a stranger." I said, looking him directly in the eye. He matched my gaze, the bitter wind ruffling his black bedhead. This time he ignored me, activating the spell and placing his hands on my shoulders despite my protests.

Suddenly we were interrupted by a loud shout from on the bridge.

"Are you two alright?" I craned my neck to see who it was; Faralda was there with two other mages I didn't recognise. I glanced at Nalimi, he'd collapsed next to me, he was barely conscious and breathing heavily. It didn't look like he'd noticed the mages on the bridge, and I was in too much pain to shout back to them, so I mustered what little energy I could and shot a firebolt into the sky, before falling back into the deep void of sleep.


	2. Chapter 2 - Restoration Magic

Chapter 2

"_You worthless little brat, I should have ripped you from my stomach the second I knew you were there."_

"_You're mother's right girl, there's no room for freaks like you here."_

"_You have ten minutes to leave this place before I tell my men to rip you limb from limb"_

"_Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna-"_

_The voices swirled with their lyrical clarity, all around me. They were chanting, over and over and over again. They were never going to stop, there were too many of them to stop!_

"_Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it,_ _Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it,"_

_I recognised the voice of my childhood friend, Thedon, killed by a necromancy cult before he'd seen six years. I heard my sister, Gircin, whose heart gave out the day before she turned ten. I felt the oppressive silence of my cousin, Isled, born sleeping._

"_Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's go-"_

_I saw their faces too, ghostly and pale, surrounding me, dragging me further, deeper, down into the black void. A thousand faces belonging to a thousand dead children._

"_Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna-"_

_Their pale dead fingers tugged at my clothing, poked at my skin, pulled at my hair. They clawed their way inside of me with their blunt childlike nails, their ethereal voices bored into me like a drill, round and round and round with same perfect clarity, the same ghostly truth. I stumbled, knocked over by a particularly strong tug. I fell to my knees; to weak too get back up again, too tired, too worn down to care. And all the while they stared at me, with their dead, black, accusatory stares. _

"_Please, leave me alone!" I sobbed quietly, salty tears liberally rolled down my face, carving shiny trails over my dark flesh._

_A single figure stepped forward, her features closely matched mine but her appearance had been ravaged by age and blood._

"_You brought this upon yourself, you condemned your own soul to the wrath of Tall Papa, and whatever judgement you receive is fully deserved. I wash my hands of you, daughter." She spoke with so much conviction I couldn't doubt that she believed what she was saying, but that didn't mean I had to accept it. I grit my teeth and pulled myself shakily to my feet, I couldn't bring myself to speak up against the hordes of dead children, but I wasn't prepared to take any crap from the woman who kicked me out of my own home for pursuing my own interests._

"_Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna get it, Sharli's gonna g-" _

"_Please, be quiet spirits. I must speak with this woman about something very important." I said._

"_What would this important something be, brat?" my mother spat, her lower lip curled in disgust._

"_You betrayed me. You had a responsibility as parent, you shouldn't ha-"_

"_I did no such thing!" She cried angrily, her chocolate eyes darkening. "You were the one who did the betraying! You practiced _dangerous_ magic in our home! You could have gotten your brothers and sisters killed! You took everything we struggled so hard for and tried to throw it all away on a petty whim! I hate you, you should hate you too." Her voice broke on the last sentence, tears began to pool in her eyes and every hardship, and every battle she'd fought in the name of protecting our family was instantly visible._

"_I'm sorry." I said quietly, the realisation that I had endangered my brothers and sisters slowly dawning on me. I might as well have killed them. I didn't deserve to flee to the safety of another province; I should have just waited around to be killed._

"_Sharli nearly killed us,_ _Sharli nearly killed us,_ _Sharli nearly killed us,_ _Sharli nearly killed us,_ _Sharli nearly killed us,_ _Sharli nearly killed us,_ _Sharli nearly kille-"_

"_Sharli, it's time to wake up now."_

_The spirits were pulled back all of a sudden, their agonized screams filled my head. It was intense, loud, but also satisfying, like the pain of pulling out a splinter or cracking a twisted joint back into place._

"_Sharli, wake up."_

"_Shar-"_

'''

The bed I woke up in was soft, and the room was far warmer than anything I'd experienced all week. I felt as if I could lie there forever, basking in the peace and quiet of this unexplored place. For a moment I struggled to remember how I got there, before realising that I was too relaxed to care.

"She looks like she's waking up." A disembodied voice noted.

"It remains to be seen what damage was done, at the moment we don't even know if she remembers how to tie her own shoelaces." I recognised the distinctive accent of a high elf, but it wasn't anyone I knew.

"I'll have you know that restoration can heal any sort of damage suffered by a living thing, I once knew a mage who re-grew a child's arm!" Said the first voice in a strange accent I couldn't quite place.

"I'm not doubting the power of a well done healing spell, what I'm saying is that it isn't necromancy, it cannot bring brain cells killed by oxygen deprivation back to life." The high elf argued.

"It can speed up the healing process though, help create new ones."

"The brain is the most mysterious and complex of all organs; even now we still don't fully understand how it stores information. We won't know how much damage was done until she wakes up."

"I don't feel brain-damaged." I said quietly, opening my eyes slowly so as not to be blinded by the light of the room.

"Finally, you're awake." The high elf said. I noticed she was shorter than most altmer, so short I could've mistaken her for a bosmer if it weren't for her regal air and thalmor robe.

"You're with the thalmor." I noted, from what I'd heard of them, they weren't a nice group to be dealing with.

"Yes I am. My name is Aryenne and I'm a high-ranking wizard within the Aldmeri Dominion, I'm here to try and re-establish diplomatic relations with your college following the unfortunate actions of my predecessor, Ancano." She explained. To be honest, I didn't think she sounded evil, or even that stuck up. But who am I to judge? When I was a child my mother had a friend who killed his wife and children and buried their bodies in a sand dune, he seemed like perfectly nice man until the king's soldiers discovered the decomposing corpses; it's very hard to spot evil at first, or even second, glance.

"What did Ancano do that was so terrible?" I asked curiously.

"He only killed the arch-mage!" the room's other occupant spoke up suddenly, her eyes narrowed at Aryenne, "I think you should leave now, elf. You've done what you came to do; I have no more need of your assistance!"

"As you wish, if you have further need of my services do not be afraid to ask." Aryenne replied in an even tone. She bowed her head to the other mage, and then to me, before leaving the room.

"Thank the eight, she's finally gone! The thalmor has a lot of nerve, sending someone like her here after what happened with Ancano!" The mage said.

"She didn't seem all that bad to me." I countered, and it was true, I hadn't met many high elves, but she was the nicest one I had. "Why was she here anyway?" I asked.

"She was helping me heal your injuries with some special potions from the Summerset Isles. How are your injuries by the way? You're not in any pain are you?"

"No, I feel fine…" I paused for a second, I couldn't remember even getting injured, "I'm sorry, but I can't really remember, how did I get hurt? In fact, scratch that, how did I even get here?"

"Are you sure you don't remember?" She asked, "Do you not know who I am?"

"Not really, no." I was becoming increasingly confused.

"My name's Colette Marance, I'm the college's resident restoration specialist. I've been looking after you whilst you recovered over the past few days." She explained.

"Thank you for that, but I still don't understand how I got here, last I remember I was talking to a bard in a tavern!" I exclaimed, wishing that she would just tell me what happened.

"I suppose it makes sense for your brain to be a bit scrambled, by all rights that fall should have killed you! It was only thanks to the intervention of my prized student that it didn't!"

That fall… that rung a bell but I still wasn't getting any specifics, I could vaguely remember ice and fear, but that was it. "Please, would you explain what happened? I'm really disorientated at the moment and I don't have a clue what you're talking about!" I asked.

"Oh I do apologise, I have a tendency to get a bit carried away when I'm talking to new people, I suppose it's because nobody that already know takes me seriously. They simply refuse to believe that restoration is a valid school of magic, especially Tolfdir! He doesn't even believe there should be a need for restorati-"

"Please, can you just tell me how I got here?" I pleaded.

"Sorry dear. From what Faralda told me, you were crossing the bridge over from Winterhold when you slipped and fell. Luckily for you, one of our newest apprentices has a passion for hiking, he cast a healing spell on you as you hit the ground to negate any fatal damage, then continued to heal to the best of his ability. Whilst that was happening, Faralda summoned Tolfdir and myself to the bridge. Tolfdir used a powerful telekinesis spell to pull you up from the ground, and then I cast a series of more advanced restoration spells to heal the rest of the damage." As she spoke, Colette pulled a bundle of cloth and a pair of boots from one of the crates that filled the room. "Tolfdir, our current Master Wizard, brought these over for you earlier. Your old robes were destroyed when you fell, we had to get rid of them because they were beyond the help of even our most skilled seamstress."

"Thank you, for everything. Will I get to see Tolfdir so I can thank him as well?" I asked. I could still remember very little from the accident, but it sounded like I was lucky to be alive.

"He should be around later, he likes to show all the new apprentices around and deliver a few words of warning." She said.

"And what about the apprentice that saved me as I hit the ground…" I racked my brain for a name, or even a species, "a wood elf if I recall correctly?"

"Yes, he is a wood elf. Nalimi, he's one of the few apprentices that willingly studies restoration magic, he's incredibly good at it as well. You should have the opportunity to thank him when you have your first lecture in the hall of the elements, you'll be in the same group together." She replied proudly, her eyes took on an excited light as she spoke of her favourite pupil. To be honest I pitied the guy, he obviously got a lot of attention from Colette, but as far as I could tell she was totally nuts.

"That's good." I smiled.

"Well, I should probably leave you to get changed in peace. Tolfdir should be here in about an hour, if you need anything my room's next door, there are also plenty of other people wandering around." Colette said.

"Thank you again, I'm incredibly grateful for everything you've done for me." I said as she walked out of the room. "So far, so good." I muttered quietly to myself, fumbling gracelessly into the apprentice robes she'd left me. I'd successfully made it into the college (albeit with a few hiccups), now all I had to do was survive.

**A/N: Thank you everyone who's reading this, and thank you to kat, Swi7, and ElderSkie for the reviews, it's greatly appreciated =) **

** On another note, I'm really sorry if this chapter felt a bit like filler, it felt like the only logical progression from the last chapter because I didn't want to brush over the near-death-experience thing _too_ quickly. It wasn't a total waste of a chapter though, there were some hints for future plots and you could probably figure out some pretty awesome twists I have planned if you really looked at it (and made a lucky guess =P), thanks again for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3 - Atronachs 101

Chapter 3

"And finally, we have the Hall of The Elements." Tolfdir said, pushing open the heavy oak door and gesturing for me to follow him inside. "This is where you will attend lectures with other students of the college; it also contains the doors to the arcaneum and the arch-mage's quarters." We paused outside the gate to the main hall, and I peered in, awestruck.

"This place is huge!" I said. It was one of the biggest, actually habitable, rooms I'd seen since I'd arrived in Skyrim. And whilst on an architectural level most rooms in the college were fairly impressive, this one was especially so, and I found myself captivated by the towering stone columns and air subtle grandeur that hung freely over the entire space.

"It is quite stunning, unfortunately it has little practical use aside from providing a warm space to give lectures and practice destruction spells." His eyes saddened, "Unfortunately the last time we put this room to proper use, there were unfortunate results."

"I'm sorry to hear that." I said. Whilst I didn't know what exactly had occurred here, I felt like I was invading upon a moment of private grief.

"Yes… well at least we learned an important lesson that day, a lesson that you to will have to learn if you live long enough."

"What's that?" I asked nervously, studying the dark expression upon his face for hints as to what he might say next.

"Now, now, I don't want to ruin the surprise, do I?" He smiled warmly, highlighting the laughter lines around his mismatched eyes. "Now, your first class will be beginning shortly, Aryenne will be delivering one of her wonderful lectures on the significance of the many magical organisations throughout Tamriel."

"Isn't Aryenne a thalmor representative?" I asked worriedly.

"Yes, but unfortunately we are a little short-staffed at the moment and she offered to help us out. You have nothing to worry about; she has proven herself to be surprisingly impartial for one of her standing." He assured me.

"If you say so…"

"Yes, I do say so." He said, his lips twisting downwards into a harsh frown. "I am in charge of the affairs of this college; I would not allow someone to teach here if I believed that they were a threat to the safety of the students, is that clear?"

"Yes, perfectly." I replied, drawing a line in my mind that I wouldn't cross when it came to the surprisingly temperamental master Wizard.

"Good. Now, here's the lecture schedule, Aryenne 's lecture should be starting in about five minutes." He handed me a neatly folded piece of paper, "I recommend asking for a list of books to help you catch up on what you missed."

"Thank you "I said.

"It's no problem; meeting with new students is one of my favourite parts of the job." He replied honestly. "Do you have any further questions?"

"No, not really."

"Well, I'll be on my way. I hope that your time at the college is enjoyable." He said with a smile and a small nod of his head, before heading back outside.

'''

After the door had slammed shut behind Tolfdir, I went to open the gate. It was heavier than I'd expected, weighed down by the dense iron it was made of. Eventually I got it open though, and I made my way into the huge hall.

I smiled upon entry; I could literally feel the wrought magical energy humming through every brick. There was so much history here, so many spells had been cast, and the room remembered every second. I slowly walked towards the centre, savouring the feeling of power that resonated throughout the space.

In the middle of the room, on a low stone platform there was a well of blue liquid, it permeated the air with a magical aura so strong I was scared of getting to close in case my own magic was tempted to leap out of my veins and join the reservoir. When I levelled with the pool, I placed my hands gently on the cold brick rim and gazed into its depths. It was puzzling; it looked similar to water, but the two substances where nothing alike. This radiated knowledge and power, and I got the sneaking suspicion that if I tried to drink it I would be dead within a matter of seconds.

"I wouldn't get too close if I were you, that stuf'll burn your hands like acid if you touch it without protection."

I whipped round to face the speaker; it was a wood elf, and he looked vaguely familiar.

"Do I know you?" My brow furrowed.

"Huh, I guess humans are just as stupid as the thalmor say they are." There was a wicked glint in his ochre eyes, I could tell he was just teasing me, but it was still annoying.

"So I do know you?" I said, my teeth grit in an attempt not to punch him in the face after five seconds of conversation. I wasn't sure what annoyed me more; his currently rotten attitude or that I couldn't think where I knew him _from._

"You must have hit the ground harder than I thought." He joked.

"Wait, if you know about than that must mean you're that guy who saved me, Nalimi!"

"That's me" He winked. I looked him up and down; what I could remember from the accident was foggy at best, but he seemed different from how I remembered him. But that didn't matter, without his quick spell-casting; I'd be lying dead at the bottom of the bridge having my corpse nibbled on by mud crabs.

"Thank you for saving me, I owe you my life. If there is any way for me to repay that debt, all you have to do is ask" I said solemnly, showing him respect the way my father taught me; by looking him directly in the eye and addressing him with total honesty. "Without you I wouldn't have a life, so by that reasoning, it is yours to do with as you see fit."

"Well… err, good to know I'm appreciated…" He fidgeted awkwardly, breaking eye contact immediately.

"Sorry, did I make you uncomfortable? I forget sometimes that the culture of my homeland can feel a little…" I struggled to find the right word.

"Intense?" He suggested.

"Yeah, intense, Sorry." I sat down heavily on the edge of the incandescent blue pool.

"Hey, don't worry about it. Where I come from, its common practice to devour the corpses of your enemies, you'll get used to the way people are round here soon enough." He said, taking a seat beside me.

"Everything here's so different to back home, I don't know if I'll ever be able to get used to it." I mused. I stared absently out of the huge arched windows that decorated the walls, I could barely see for the white flurries of snow that whipped past the glass faster than a horse at full gallop. "You know, nobody would have saved me if I fell over there. They'd just say it was my own fault for not being a stronger, more capable warrior. I'd have thought they were right too." I could sense Nalimi clinging to my every word, he was a good listener. "I thought Skyrim would be like that at first, I've always thought we had more in common with the nords than any other race, guess I was wrong."

"You weren't." He said so quietly I could barely hear.

"Pardon?"

"You weren't wrong; most of Skyrim _is_ like that. I guess it's because the college is separate from the mainland, we've got people from all over Tamriel. It sort of mellows everybody out I guess." He shrugged, as if he wasn't sure quite how true what he'd said was.

"That actually makes a lot of sense…" I admitted. "I suppose it has a lot to do with magic as well. Everyone here has a common goal; you don't want to get in each other's way."

We sat in silence for a moment, thinking. I don't know about Nalimi, but the conversation had brought up a lot of harsh memories for me. Growing up in the Alik'r desert had never been easy; I had three brothers and one sister still alive, but countless others had failed to make it out of childhood. I'd guiltily considered it a blessing when my mother found she was unable to have any more children; at least I didn't have to lose any more siblings, and at least there wouldn't be any more headstones added to the neat little row behind our house. My childhood was never going to be easy, but leaving it all behind was still so much harder.

"Hey, Nalimi?" I tentatively interrupted the heavy silence.

"Yeah?"

"Do you actually follow the green pact? I mean, it must be much harder in Skyrim, most people here pretty much live of potatoes and leeks, unless they're rich of course." I asked with genuine curiosity, I hadn't spoken to many wood elves in Skyrim, and I certainly hadn't spoken to any as willing to be open with me as Nalimi seemed to be.

"To be honest, the draugr never really seemed that appetising." He chuckled lightly, and I smiled along with him, but after a moment's mirth, his expression turned to one of regret. "I tried to at first of-course; at home my family always took the pact very seriously. After a battle, my father and brothers always brought home fresh corpses, and we would feast on the flesh of our brothers, my grandfather even used to smoke tree grubs in a pipe, and we made arrow heads from bone. But once I moved to Skyrim… it was just too impractical."

"Okay… so let me get this straight, at this precise moment in time you don't want to eat me?" I asked.

"No," he laughed, "but I would only have eaten you if I, or another member of my family, had killed you in combat, and it's highly unlikely that I would have killed you because I left Valenwood when I was eleven." He added.

"That's good to know. How come you left Valenwood in the first place?"

"That's a long story, and one better saved for a time when we're alone." He spoke calmly, although I was totally befuddled by what he'd just said.

"What do you mean?" I asked, "We _are_ alone."

"No, we're not." With a sigh Nalimi stood up, "Come on out J'barri. I know you're there, I'm not a total idiot." He called loudly out to the seemingly empty hall.

"You know, you look a right fool, there's no one there." I said frustrated, standing up to join him.

"Look carefully, behind that pillar." Nalimi pointed to the pillar in question, I obliged him and looked.

"There's nothing there!" I said.

"Keep looking, you'll see it." He replied.

I sighed, and continued to look at the pillar, not expecting to see anything. And then I did.

"There was a ripple!" I gasped.

"That's because he just made the mistake of shifting his weight." Nalimi said smugly. "Show yourself, cat!"

"Ah, this one was hoping to remain hidden for a while longer. You're new lady-friend has impressive sight, knife-ears." The ripple turned into a shimmer, and then the shimmer turned into a white furred Khajit dressed in blue mage's robes identical to my own.

"I'm not his lady-friend, you eaves-dropping fur ball." I scowled at him, but he only smirked in response.

"Ah, so the cub is not totally lacking the spirit of her kinsmen" He said playfully.

"Leave her alone J'barri, the poor girl's been in a fever-induced delirium for weeks, give her a break!" Nalimi said calmly, but this only made me angrier.

"I've what!" I cried, "I thought that I'd only been out for a day or two at worst!" I was outraged, how come nobody had mentioned this to me?

"Did you not know? This one has been hearing your screams at all hours of the day!" J'barri said, and I felt my cheeks flush in embarrassment.

"Was I really that bad?" I asked, turning to Nalimi, my fists clenched in anger and shame.

"Don't worry Sharli, I was exaggerating when I said you'd been out for weeks, it was few a few days at most." He gently placed his hands upon my shoulders, a gesture meant to reassure. "And you can't forget the Khajit have exceptionally hearing, what sounded like screaming to J'barri was really just the occasional muffled sob to the rest of us."

"Does he speak the truth?" I asked, turning my head to face J'barri.

"Of course he does, this one does not associate with liars." The Khajit said.

"Oh… in that case I apologise to both of you for getting so worked up." I said quietly as I stepped away from Nalimi.

"You should learn to be less prideful, sand-walker, the residents of this college will not just be seeing you at your strongest, but at your weakest as well. " J'barri said, walking past me and Nalimi to sit on the rim of the pool. "Now, we should be waiting for the others to arrive so we can begin learning, yes?"

Nalimi and I sat down on either side of him, and I smiled. It looked like I wasn't going to be a complete loner whilst I was here.

'''

"Now, over the past few weeks, we have covered various topics, ranging from the College of Whispers to the College of Winterhold itself. Although we have by no means exhausted these subjects, I believe it is time for us to move on, after all, we are mages not historians!" Aryenne addressed our small group of seven apprentice mages, her demeanour was no less friendly, but detached, than it had been before.

"What will we be studying instead?" A dark elf who'd introduced herself as Tenise Nyrell asked.

"I was speaking with your conjuration tutor, Phinnis Gestor, and we agreed to share that particular subject between the two of us, allowing for a more in depth coverage over the course of your time here."

I felt excited by this; conjuration was something I was actually quite good at, meaning I'd have to spend less time playing catch up.

"Will we have to do, err, necromancy?" asked a nervous looking Breton who hadn't introduced herself.

"Don't worry; I will warn you if we are going to be delving into the… less reputable sides of conjuration." Aryenne smiled so warmly you could be forgiven for thinking she was talking about puppies as opposed to the closes thing Tamriel had to the dark-arts. "Anyway, today we shall be discussing something much more exciting than necromancy; Atronachs!" As she said the last word, I could swear she was looking directly at Nalimi, who for some reason looked incredibly tense.

"You okay?" I whispered discretely; as Aryenne went on to discuss different types of Atronach and their properties.

"Yeah, I just don't like Atronachs, they freak me out." He whispered back with a forced smile.

"Who here knows how to summon a Flame Atronach?" Aryenne asked loudly. I raised my hand, as did the shy Breton and Tenise's brother, Valithen.

"That's great! For those of you who haven't encountered one before, I shall summon a bound Flame Atronach now so that you can see what I've been talking about with your own eyes." Dark energy swirled in Aryenne's palms as she prepared to cast the spell. "Clear a space please; you could still get burnt by its flame cloak."

We did as she asked, leaving a wide berth between us and the seal on the floor. Aryenne then cast the spell; a whirling vortex of dark magic appeared before us momentarily, before it faded back into oblivion to reveal a Flame Atronach. J'barri and the seventh member of our class, a female argonian called Dar-Ja Canimus, looked enthralled. Most people had encountered unbound Flame Atronachs before, but seeing one at peace was something else entirely, there was something about the loud, viscous sounding flames and the ethereal agility of the creatures that looked entirely different when they weren't shooting firebolts at you.

"The type of summoning spell I used allows the Atronach to stay here for approximately one minute, at the end of which it will just disappear back to the planes of oblivion. " Aryenne stated, walking closer towards it, she then gestured towards its feet. "You will notice how it never touches the floor, the Flame Atronach is the only elemental daedra known to behave in this way, nobody's entirely certain why it does this, but it has been theorized that it is to allow the Flame Atronach to cross water safely."

After Aryenne finished speaking, the Atronach disappeared, leaving behind nothing but a faint whiff of Fire Salts. Aryenne picked up a pile of spell tomes from the floor and began to hand them out to everyone but me Valithen and the Breton. "These are Spell Tomes to conjure a Flame Atronach." She said, and then she gave the people who hadn't received a tome a small pile of scrolls each. "These scrolls are to summon an Ice Atronach; I want you all to work on perfecting these spells for next week's lecture. I'd also like you to make sure that your wards are up to scratch, because we're going to be paying a visit to the Atronach Forge in order to see an unbound Atronach in action."

My stomach dropped at that last part, I couldn't cast a ward to save my life! Aryenne gathered up her things and left the hall.

I rapidly scanned the group of apprentices for Nalimi, I remembered Colette telling me that he was very good at restoration spells and I was hoping that maybe he could help me learn to cast a ward, but I couldn't see him anywhere.

"Hey, J'barri, did you see where Nalimi went?" I asked the excited looking Khajit before he had the chance to leave.

"Ah, This One saw Knife-Ears high-tail it out of here before that thalmor woman even started the demonstration, yes?" He said casually, his eyes fixed admiringly upon the tome in his arms.

"Where do you think he went? I need help with my wards, but I don't know anyone else here as good as he is with restoration magic." I had to walk quickly to keep up with him as he left the hall.

"This One thinks Knife-Ears is probably down on the cliffs like usual. You will have to be waiting until tomorrow to see him, he won't be back until then." He said.

I sighed heavily, I'd never been all that good at waiting, I'd have to find something to do until Nalimi got back. Unfortunately I'd never been all that good at killing time either.

**A/N: Thanks for reading again! And thank you for the reviews of the last chapter as well, nothing makes me happier than opening my email and seeing a little message from telling me I have a review, aside from actually writing of course :) **


	4. Chapter 4 - A Steel Dagger

Chapter 4

_Their steel flashed under the light of the tomato sun, the dunes shifted unpredictably beneath my feet, the bundle of cloth and flesh in my arms screamed herself hoarse. _

"_Stop girl, face the wrath of the king!"_

_I continued to run, the child in my arms only screamed harder. She was strong, but she was dying; the arid dessert had sucked the moisture from her body and the hot sun had burnt her fragile skin to a deep shade of lobster. An adult such as myself might have lived with that kind of injury, but there was no way an infant would, her only chance at survival was for us to lose our pursuers and find the old hag in the cave. _

"_Sharli, wait!" The sound of my mother's voice, amid the shouts of the soldiers._

_She distracted me, I stumbled, fell face first into the powdery sand, there was a crunch of bone, and the child stopped crying. _

_Silence fell._

_I risked a look behind me, and realised the scene had frozen; the soldiers were stuck in place as if they were in a painting._

_I pulled myself to my knees shakily, dread filling every cell of my body, terrified of what I knew lay beneath me. I cradled the sack of cloth and flesh and broken bones in my trembling arms, the horror of what I'd done dawning on me in painful increments as I feebly called its name._

"_Lairin!" I cried, my own voice sounded feeble in my ears, its strength dried up by the heat of my homeland. "Lairin! Come back! Please! Please, Lairin… please…come back…." I quickly dissolved into tears; my muscle-bound form shook with grief._

"_You killed her." I looked up from my tears, my mother stood there, her salt and pepper hair blowing loose in the breeze._

"_You killed her." She said again. "You killed your own sister, with your own stupidity." _

"_I had no choice…" Tears rolled down my face and dripped of my chin, landing in the golden sand._

"_You killed her, for your own selfish gain."_

"_I had no choice!" I screamed through the tremors._

"_You killed her." She said again, crouching down to be at eye level with me. I buried my face in Lairin's tiny, crushed form._

"_I thought… I thought I was protecting her…" I sobbed pitifully, I couldn't do anything, I couldn't even keep my own sister safe!_

"_You weren't, you killed her." She stated sharply, I felt her calloused hand reach forward and grab my chin, jerking it sharply upwards to face her. "You never deserved to hold her." She hissed, flecks of spittle landing on my face._

"_He would have hurt her… I… I had no choice… I had to get her out of there! You did nothing, you… you just let him hurt us… I had to get her out of there!" I cried._

"_I should have just let them kill you, heck; I should have done the deed myself!" She snarled, her lip twisting into an expression so ugly I wished I'd never seen it._

_And then the scene unfroze, and the soldiers ran at me, I thought they'd stop… they didn't._

_They poked and sliced and stabbed, my clothes where in tatters, blood ran in rivers through the dry sand, staining it crimson._

_Pain, everywhere. And my mother stood and watched._

_And then, for the first time in my life, I screamed. _

'''

I bolted awake, eyes wide open, heart racing from the untold horrors of the night.

"Sharli, calm down. It was just a dream." I glanced upwards; Nalimi's face was inches from mine, his surprisingly cold hands rested on my shoulders, mirroring his gesture from before.

"W…what are you doing here?" I gasped breathlessly. "What are you doing in my room?! Get out you pervert!" I cried, scrambling backwards to escape his touch, my heart still racing from my uneasy awakening.

"Sharli calm down, I wasn't being a pervert, you were crying out in your sleep!" He exclaimed, fighting off my feet as I tried to kick him from beneath the sheets.

"Why where you outside my room?" I asked pointedly.

"I only just got in from my walk." He explained his voice quieter now that I'd stopped kicking him.

"Hm… I suppose I believe you." I said doubtfully and he visibly relaxed. "But that doesn't mean you're off the hook, you abandoned me after Aryenne's lecture!"

"Sorry about that…" He shifted uncomfortably. "But I did save your life, remember? That's got to earn me _some_ leeway!"

"Only if you tell me why you left." I demanded.

"I already said, Atronachs creep me out, I don't like thinking about them and I definitely don't like seeing them." He explained, a flash of irritation flickering across his elven features, before his expression went back to one of generic pleasantness.

"I suppose I believe you… but you have to make it up to me!" I folded my arms in my best imitation of a stubborn child, something I'd seen my younger siblings do too many times to count.

"Ok, sure." He rolled his eyes jokingly "Your wish is my command."

"Great!" I grinned "I need you to teach me how to cast a ward after tomorrow's lecture."

"Are you telling me you honestly don't know how to cast a simple ward?" He shook his head slowly in mock disapproval.

"So what? I don't specialise in restoration, I've never _needed_ to be able to cast a ward before! And besides, you can't exactly comment, Mr. 'run away at the mere idea of even seeing an atronach!', it's not even like they're dangerous or anything!" I said indignantly, my voice steadily rising in volume.

"Fine! I'll show you how to cast a ward, just keep it down, you'll wake everyone up!" Nalimi whispered

"Thank you." I said curtly.

"We can't do it tomorrow though; I've got some stuff I need to take care of." He added quickly.

"As long as it's before Aryenne's next lecture I don't mind." I said.

"Why would you need to be able to cast a ward for a conjuration lesson?" He asked.

"Err," I thought of telling him about the planned trip to the atronach forge, but decided against it, it would probably just make him try to skip the lesson. "I don't, I just want to be able to cast a ward. Things always go smoother if you give yourself a deadline." I lied.

"Oh, okay then. How about the day after tomorrow, but before Colette's lecture, something tells me you can't even cast a simple healing spell, and she gets really annoyed when new apprentices can't even do that." We both chuckled quietly at the thought of an angry Colette; it's not that we didn't like her, but her antics where infamous throughout the college.

"Okay, sounds like a plan." I agreed.

"Good, I'll meet you first thing in the morning in the Hall of the Elements; make sure you bring a knife."

"Why?" I asked, startled.

"You can't learn how to cast a healing spell with nothing to heal." He winked, and then left the room before I could ask any more questions.

I sighed and sank down deeper into the warm sheets, Nalimi's idea of a restoration lesson sounded painful, but at least I wouldn't have to worry about being firebolted to death by an angry Atronach, or Colette.

'''

"Okay, so what do you know about restoration?" Nalimi asked bluntly.

"Err, nothing…" I replied, bowing my head in shame. We were sat in the Hall of the Elements, leaning against one of the stone pillars with Nalimi's purple mage's satchel between us. The hall was fairly empty at this time in the morning, but there were still a few assistant mages hanging around brushing up on their skills, so we talked quietly to avoid distracting them.

"That's okay, we've got until this afternoon to turn you into a pro, you've nothing to worry about." He smiled reassuringly.

"Okay, so… what do we do first?" I asked hesitantly, I'd never even used restoration magic before so I had no idea where to even start.

"I suppose we should talk a bit about where you should source the magic…" He said uncertainly, I could tell he wasn't used to teaching people stuff.

"What do you mean?"

"Well… it's kind of hard to explain… you know how when you perform a conjuration spell, you sort of have to…" He scratched his head, trying to find the right word. "You have to channel it through the planes of oblivion to get it to work, right?"

"I suppose so, yeah." I replied, trying to recreate the idea in my head.

"It's a bit like that with restoration, but you have to channel your magic through your own life energy, through your soul, sort of… do you understand what I'm getting at here?" I could tell that he was choosing his words carefully, but it was a very abstract concept he was trying to describe, not like with conjuration where the forces you're dealing with were more concrete.

"This isn't going in at all, is it?" He laughed.

"Not really." I admitted as I felt my face begin to flush.

"It's okay, you'll get it eventually." He pulled a book out of his satchel and handed it to me, it was yellow with loopy gold text inscribed on the cover: Healing, Spell Tome. "Why don't you try to learn one of the spells, you seem like one of those people who needs an example to understand something, am I right?"

"Okay…" I said uncertainly, he was right though, so I placed the slim book on my knee and began to read.

The arcane text in spell tomes was too old and complex for even the greatest scholars to fully understand, but just glimpsing the archaic runes was enough to give a gifted mage a rough idea about the flow of energies required to complete the spell. Sometimes it baffled me, if we could gain this much power from a cursory study of the ancient writing, how powerful must their original scribes have been?

After about ten minutes study, I had a rough idea of how to perform a healing spell, but I still wasn't entirely sure. It would help me to understand if I could watch someone else perform the spell first.

"Are you done?" Nalimi asked.

"Yeah, could you just show me the spell first though? It would help me get a better understanding of the mechanics."

"Sure, just wait a second." He rummaged around in the satchel again, before pulling out a sharp steel dagger. He then placed it carefully on the floor before rolling his sleeve up to his elbow.

"Wait, you're not going to… cut your own arm, are you?" I asked nervously, the last time I'd seen someone inflict a similar wound upon themselves they'd been trying to meet Tu'whacca.

"It's the only way to show you how the spell works. Don't worry though, you don't have to do this, you could just scratch your skin with your nails, but in order for the demonstration to work it has to be quite a serious wound." He explained.

"But you could accidently make yourself bleed too much! You could die!" I protested, panic coursing through my veins, I didn't want the man who saved my life to die showing me how to do something!

"Don't worry Sharli, I've done this a thousand times, it barely even hurts and I'll only be bleeding for a couple of seconds before I cast the spell. Plus, there're lots of experienced mages here in case something goes wrong, okay?" He looked me directly in the eye as he spoke, but his steady even tone didn't make me feel any better about this. It was a bad idea, and it made me feel sick to the stomach that someone could use such a lethal weapon on themselves.

"I really don't like this Nalimi, please couldn't we just move on to wards?" I pleaded.

"The healing spell is one of the most useful starter spells you can know for restoration, and the only way you'll ever get it is if you see a demonstration."

"I don't like this, it's wrong. That weapon was designed to protect you, not hurt you." I said, shaking my head to emphasize my point.

"It was designed to make money for the blacksmith I bought it from." He pointed out.

"I don't care!" I shouted, drawing the momentary attention of a tiger-striped Khajit practicing his flame cloak spell.

"J'zargo thinks that you two should be keeping it down whilst he focuses on being the most powerful destruction mage here." He called over to us and I flinched in embarrassment.

"Sorry!" Nalimi called back, before turning his attention back to me. "Look, if you don't want to do this, that's fine. But this is one of the least dangerous ways to learn a restoration spell, so I think you should sleep on it, and ask J'barri about how he learnt to cast his greater ward. If you wake up tomorrow and still feel the same way, don't worry about. If you've changed your mind, I'll be waiting here for you. Now let's go, before we disturb anyone else." He said quietly, packing his things away and standing up.

"Okay." I agreed, fairly certain that one night's sleep would not sway my opinion; hurting yourself was wrong, no matter what your reasoning was.

**A/N: I'm sorry if this chapter was a bit dark, it's unlikely that it'll get much worse than this though, if it does I'll put a warning at the top of the chapter. If you ever need to talk, even if it's about something totally random, don't be afraid to PM me **** There're are also lots of numbers you can call if you need someone to talk to at a bad time:**

**UK Samaritans - 08457 90 90 90**

**US National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (You don't have to be suicidal, they're there even if you just want to talk, same goes for the Samaritans in the UK) - 1-800-273-TALK (8255)**

**You can find numbers for your region on the internet if you don't live in the UK or the US, there's even a list on Wikipedia. **

**Also, thank you for the reviews =) I really do love hearing what people think about the story, even if you don't like it I'd still love to hear from you =)**


	5. Chapter 5 - Tears for A Good Man

Chapter 5

I hadn't seen Nalimi since our failed attempt at restoration lesson, and that was three days ago. I was worried that I'd upset him at first, but J'barri said it was normal for him to disappear for days at a time, especially when there was a lot of things happening. J'barri as it turned out, was actually a lot of fun to be around once you got past his passion for illusion spells and his tendency to disappear in the middle of a conversation, at least he didn't expect me to watch him slice himself open just to learn a new spell.

I was also finding that Brendr, the bard from the inn in Winterhold, to be a good friend. Every night a group of apprentices from the college would go into the town to get a few drinks, and despite my initial hesitance to cross the slippery-death-trap bridge again, I went with them every time and we stayed at the inn for a few hours, talking with the local Nords and getting very drunk. Although I'd only been there a week; I already found I fit in better with the college mages than I ever had in Hammerfell.

The apprentices had no lectures on Lordas, and the time was supposed to be used for private practice but everybody just used it to kick back and relax. I didn't have that luxury though, I had a lot of work to do if I wanted to catch up to the rest of the group, so I'd spent the day intensely studying numerous spell tomes, scrolls, and complex history books in the dingy confines of the Arcaneum, all of which left my mind completely boggled and in need of down time. So it was with great relief that I finally stumbled through the creaking door of The Frozen Hearth and collapsed exhausted on the bench by the fire.

"Long day?" I turned round at the sound of Brandr's gravelly voice.

"Sort of, I had to do a lot of studying to catch up." I shifted along the bench so there was more room for him to sit next to me.

"Good thing I brought you a surprise." He smiled and pulled out a large grey bottle from behind his back, "Argonian Bloodwine, we just got a shipment in and I thought it would be nice to mark the end of your first week."

"Wow, thank you, this stuff's really expensive isn't it? I hope you di-"

"Employee discount." He said, cutting me off.

"Well, thanks, this means a lot." I smiled, a warm feeling seeped into my stomach and down through my toes. It felt nice.

Brendr set two scratched glasses down on the side of the fire pit and poured the wine until the red liquid reached the three quarter mark. He set the bottle down on the side and handed one of the glasses to me, taking the other for himself.

"A toast?" He suggested.

"To the road ahead." I said after a seconds thought. Our glasses clinked together and we both took a sip of the fragrant wine.

"Those where good words." Brendr said warmly, the warm light from the fire glinting of his eyes.

"They were my father's." I said proudly, although the accompanying memories where bittersweet. "The night before a battle, he would always pour us a small glass of spiced wine. Our whole family would sit around the cooking fire and toast those words; it was sort of like a tradition."

"He sounds like a good man."

"He was…" I trailed of and Brendr clapped me on the shoulder sympathetically.

"What was his name?" He asked softly.

"O…Orran." The name caught in my aching throat.

"To Orran; a good man, and an even better father." Brendr raised his half empty glass and the liquid within ended up sloshing over the edge, the droplets that escaped sizzling into vapour as they made contact with the crackling flames. I raised my glass to his and they met with a soft clink, a sound which was immediately swallowed by the happy roar of the inn's other occupants.

"Don't go crying on me." Brendr joked.

"I'm not crying." I managed to choke out, fixing my moistened eyes firmly upon the flagstone floor.

"It doesn't matter that much if you are." I heard his empty glass being set down on the floor, and then felt his heavily calloused finger gently lifting my chin to face him. "It's okay to cry over good men, so long as you don't let it ruin their memory." He raised his other hand to my face, and caught a single tear as it tracked down my cheek.

"I miss him." I uttered hoarsely. Brendr looked at me for a second, before he engulfed me in his bear-like arms in a hug that smelt of home.

'''

I groaned as splinters of sunlight tried to pierce my screwed up eyelids. I felt like crap, and had little recollection of the previous night aside from drunkenly bursting into tears in front of Brendr, something which I was unlikely to ever live down.

I wanted to just lie there forever, wherever 'there' was, but unfortunately I was starting to get cold. I threw an aching arm up in front of my face then carefully opened my eyes in pain-filled increments. Now that I had the use of all five senses, I was able to make a more rational assessment of my surroundings; I was outside, somewhere in the middle of the ice dessert surrounding Winterhold and slumped against a rock jutting up from the ground. The snow covering the ground had seeped through my robe, leaving me soaking wet and unable to stop my teeth from chattering, neither of which helped my quickly developing headache.

I conjured a small flame in the palm of my hand, out here visibility was low so I'd need the light to find my way back into town, plus the warmth it emitted was just about enough to stop me freezing to death. I precariously pulled myself up; I was exhausted and my legs trembled beneath me, but if I didn't get moving soon the only way I'd be getting back to the college would be when my corpse was discovered by hunters.

The world span as I got back to my feet, I stumbled, barely able to figure out the difference between up and down, never mind finding my way back. I steadied myself against the rock, waiting for my head to clear up enough to move again, if I was going to find my way home it would have to be one step at a time.

I blinked a few times, not that it made much difference; despite the blinding winter sun, the heavy snowstorm was nigh opaque so I could barely see two feet in front of me. The landscape was treacherous too; I'd have to keep my eyes on the ground just to avoid tripping over a stone and breaking a bone. I had to travel as safely as I could, any injury out here would mean death, what really surprised me though was the fact that I managed to wander all the way out here if I was drunk enough to forget the rest of the night.

I finally felt well enough to start making the journey, so I pushed myself away from the rock I was leaning on and moved straight into a fast walk, attempting to build up some much needed momentum.

I made it about three steps before I collapsed on my hands and knees in the snow, the acidic contents of my stomach forcing themselves back up my throat and down into a steaming pile on the ground.

I collapsed backwards, gasping for breath. My stomach twisted painfully, but now that it was empty remained blissfully calm. I stayed there for a second, trying to chase away the feeling of general malaise with the power of thought. It was not to be, so I pushed myself into a sitting position, wiped my mouth on my sleeve and tucked a stray strand of ash brown behind my ear; I was ready to go.

And then, out of the corner of my eye, a flash of vivid scarlet.

I pulled myself back up onto unsteady feet and staggered over, relighting the flame spell which had been extinguished when I tripped. I could barely see, but the white of the snow had been stained red, and there was a trail of what I hoped wasn't blood leading behind the rock.

I followed it, my arms thrown out for balance. The roar of the wind beat heavily upon my ears and had ripped my shoulder length hair free from the string I'd used to tie it back, but I didn't let it bother me, I wanted to know where that trail lead.

Once again leaning heavily on the rock for support, I edged around, hoping to have my theory disproven and for it to just be a smashed bottle of wine or something similar.

Then I saw a foot, and a leg, and eventually a whole body, and when I saw the face…I closed my eyes again, took a deep, shaky breath. I stumbled forwards until I drew level with the corpse's glassy eyes and parted lips, and then sat in the ankle-deep snow, trying to calm the fluttering palpitations of my heart.

"Brendr…" I whispered so softly that the wind stole the sound. "How… How could this happen to you?"

My hand shook as I reached forward to caress the waxy face of my friend, brushed a lock of ice blonde hair away from his eyes. I wasn't sure how he died, but it was a reasonable assumption that he'd poisoned himself with drink, or been unable to withstand the biting cold. Either way, I knew that I was lucky to be alive whilst he was not, I offered up a silent prayer to Ruptga.

I felt even sicker than before, but I couldn't just sit there or I would soon be joining him. I placed a hand over his eyelids and slid them closed, hiding the stormy blue eyes forever.

"This man died a… a good death, a d… death worthy of a warrior and a f… friend. Therefor I beseech you Tu'whacca, caretaker of the far shores and guide to wandering spirits, take this man, and deliver his soul to where it… where it deserves to be." As I said the last word of the ancient prayer, it felt like a heavy weight clamped down upon my insides, I had to preserve my own life, and doing that would mean leaving Brendr's body here.

I'd thought it was safe here, but it had only been a couple of weeks since I arrived on the shores of Skyrim and already I was saying goodbye to one of the few friends I'd made. Brendr hadn't deserved this. He'd deserved to die in the warmth of the inn with a drink clasped in his hand and surrounded by his many friends; instead, he'd passed away, cold and alone in the middle of nowhere with a passed out Redguard who wasn't even strong enough to bring him home.

A tear slipped down my cheek, a tear for a good man.

And then I saw it, gods know how I hadn't noticed it before; a sword, long, curved and worn down by the merciless sands of my homeland. And it was buried deep in his chest.

**A/N: Yay! A cliffhanger! Sorry this chapter's so short, I was planning to make it a bit longer, but I think it just came to a natural conclusion. I'll try not to let the next chapter take too long, I know that I really hate cliffhangers, so I'll write the next one as quickly as possible :) **

** And as always, thanks for reading! It doesn't matter if you don't leave a review (But bigger thanks if you do, I really love hearing what people have to say, so don't be shy!) ****or didn't like it much****, just looking at the story stats and seeing that over a hundred different people have seen my work makes me want to a little happy dance =D I'm seriously having a lot of fun writing this story, and it gives me extra motivation to carry on just knowing that people are reading, so thank you so much :')**


	6. Chapter 6 - A Need to Know Basis

**WARNING: The first two parts of this chapter contain themes which some readers may find triggering, so I recommend giving them a miss if you're the type of person who usually has to pay attention to trigger warnings. Don't worry though, there's nothing explicit and the whole chapter still falls under the 'T' classification, they're just a bit darker than the rest.**

**And please, if you ever find yourself in a position where you're considering hurting, or even killing, yourself, I want you to remember that you're never alone. There's always someone out there who would miss you if you were gone, even if you feel like there isn't. If you ever need anyone to talk to, there are a plethora of free helplines you can call, and if you don't want to do that you can PM me, and I promise I will reply to your message. You don't have to go through this alone, and it's so much harder if you do.**

Chapter 6

I don't quite know how I made it back to Winterhold, but I did. After stumbling around in the cold for hours, the sight of the ramshackle town gave me just enough of a boost to keep going. It was the middle of the day, but there was rarely anyone around due to the cold.

I knew that I'd be unable to cross back over the bridge in my state, so I headed straight to the inn with the intention of sitting by the fire to warm up before I went back to the college. Guilt clawed at my insides as I stood outside the battered wooden door. It was my fault Brendr wouldn't be coming back, my people who'd stuck a sword into his chest and left him to die, it might even have been me who killed him, after all, I was the only one there and I had no memory of what had actually happened.

I debated whether or not I should go in; I'd die if I didn't, but how could I face the innkeeper, Dagur, knowing that I was at least partially to blame for Brendr's death? The wall of the inn made a dull thud as I collapsed against it, sinking slowly to the floor whilst my head span. I didn't know what to do, I was totally alone and it was my own fault. I should have just stayed in Hammerfell and awaited my fate there, at least that way I wouldn't have gotten anybody killed!

I closed my eyes, my decision made. I would lie here and wait for the cold to take me.

"Sharli?" A voice prodded at my wavering conscious, I opened my eyes in surprise.

"N…Nalimi? What are you d…doing here?" I stammered, forcing the words through my chattering teeth. I looked up at the eponymous Wood Elf, unsure whether I should be overjoyed or angry to see him.

"The same could be asked of you, you do know you're supposed to go through doors, not collapse against them, right?" He joked cheerfully then crouched down in front of me. "You must be freezing; we need to get you inside." He said more seriously.

"No… I c…can't go in there." I shook my head furiously. "N…not after what I d….did to Brendr."

"What on Nirn are you talking about?" He said whilst pulling of his heavy fur cloak and draping it over my shivering form.

"I k…killed him!" I exclaimed.

"Well, if that's the case, which I severely doubt, finding your frozen corpse on his doorstep isn't exactly going to make Dagur feel any better about losing one of his best friends, is it?"

"Fine, I'll g…go somewhere else to d…die then!" I struggled to get up, but found the task impossible. It was as if the biting wind had sliced through my skin and turned my muscles to mush.

"Like I'm going to let you do that. Come on, I'm taking you back to the college." He crouched down and tried lift me up, presumably to carry me over the dangerous bridge.

"No! Did you n…not hear what I said! I k…killed Brendr! I d…deserve to die!" I pushed him away awkwardly.

"Sharli, listen to me." He crouched down in front of me, his face deadly serious. "Even if you did kill him, which I know for a fact you didn't, it was clearly an accident. You don't deserve to die for something you didn't do deliberately, if you even did it at all."

"How c…can you know that?" I asked. An unrecognizable expression temporarily flitted over his face, but before I could figure out what it was, it was gone.

"I just do." He said with finality.

I sighed; I couldn't argue with him anymore, I was just too tired. The cold gnawed at me with exhausting persistence and I couldn't fight it anymore, I didn't have the energy. Slowly, I allowed my eyes to close for what would hopefully be the last time and blissfully sank down into unconsciousness.

(-)(-)(-)

_CRASH!_

_The plate fell, I watched it spin three times on its journey from my hands to the floor, watched it smash into a million porcelain pieces that ricocheted off in all directions._

_The sound it made was thunderous. I flinched instinctively; I had to make a conscious effort not to drop to the floor with my arms protecting my head, especially with the daunting knowledge of what came next._

"_You have the audacity to come into my home and start smashing my things…" _

_Heavy footsteps fell upon the floor outside the kitchen, an invisible presence to accompany the voice sending shivers down my spine._

"_I should make you pay for that, too bad you and your filthy, disgusting, freakish family are too broke and pathetic to pay for anything."_

_The hulking voice gained a body, a face, and a pair of fists to match._

"_I took you in," _

_It stepped closer; I could see the long black hairs up its noise._

"_I stopped you pathetic little runts from starving to death,"_

_I could smell its foul breath on my face._

"_I gave your mother what none of you little shits could." _

_I could feel its hand clamped around my wrists._

"_And all I ever asked for in return, was a little bit of respect._

_I felt the back of my throat closing up and the world beginning to spin. I knew what came next, knew what blind terror would eventually make me do. _

_I saw the silhouette of my mother in the doorway, watching, cradling her bulging stomach._

_I screwed my eyes shut and didn't scream._

(-)(-)(-)

I awoke with a strangled gasp, the blood pounding in my ears, the sudden onslaught of memories threatened to overwhelm me. Terror clawed at my skin, I'd been an idiot to think I was safe. They were coming for me, if the sword in Brendr's chest was anything to go by, they were already here.

"I need to get out." I uttered quietly under my breath. I glanced at my surroundings, trying to get my orientation back. I'd been brought back to the college; that much was evident from the stone walls and the muffled sounds of enchantments and spells that drifted up through the floor, but I wasn't in my own room, or any other room I'd been in for that matter. It was far more extravagant than the regular mages quarters in The Hall of Attainment or The Hall of Countenance; I was in a double bed whereas all the others where singles, the wall I was facing was curved with no doorway, and there was a sweet, but somehow mysterious, smell.

I pushed the mountain of blankets that had been heaped on top of me to the foot of the bed, and then slipped my bare feet back into my boots which were sitting next to me on the floor. I pushed myself up, wobbling slightly as I did so.

"And where do you think you're going?" Said a voice; a woman dressed in an intricately designed mages robe with a distinctive hood. She'd been sat in a leather chair next to a table and I hadn't even noticed her.

"Who are you?" I asked, although I had a fairly good idea I already knew the answer to that question.

"Oh forgive me; I forget that some of our newer apprentices have had very little contact with me personally. I'm Arch-Mage Arvela Dresvas, and these are my own personal quarters we're standing." She said with a small smile and an offer of a handshake. I took it, she had a firm grip for a Dark Elf, and I got the feeling she was more than _just_ a mage.

"Thank you for your hospitality, but I have one question…" I trailed of, unsure how to phrase what I wanted to say in front of what was arguably one of the most powerful, and certainly the most famous, mages in all of Skyrim.

"What on Nirn are you doing here?" She said lightly, her inky eyes bouncing with amusement at my formality.

"Yeah…that." I replied awkwardly.

"The reasoning behind our decision to bring you here was simple; the townspeople heard of your possible involvement in Brendr's death and where understandably curious, Tolfdir is currently working to pacify them, but until he does that we thought it would be safest for you to wait here, under my direct supervision." She said, and I believed her for the most part, although for them to bring me up to Arch-Mages quarters the townspeople people where probably more than just 'curious'. "Now, I recommend you sit down, we have a long wait and you look incredibly tired."

I did as she said and took a seat, it would be impossible not to. There was something about her calm, measured tone and soft features that commanded absolute obedience. She took a seat opposite me, her movements where slow and purposeful, not a step was wasted.

"Would you like a drink?" She asked.

"Yes, please" I replied, suddenly very aware of the coarse dryness of my throat.

"Here," She delicately set two hulking jars of… something on the table. "This is a drink called Flin; it is a popular beverage on the island of Solstheim. It has a very distinct taste which you'll probably enjoy."

"Thank you." I said, and copied what she was doing, unscrewing the lid and using both hand to raise the heavy jar to my lips.

"Now that we're more refreshed, there is important business we must discus." She set her drink on the table and gave me piercing stare.

"Is this about what happened to Brendr? If it is, you don't have to worry, just give some time to collect my things and I'll be gone tomorrow!" I found myself unconsciously scanning the room for an escape route; I didn't mind leaving the college, not if it meant nobody else would get hurt because of me.

"Be calm child, I do wish to discuss the implications of your friend's unfortunate death, but by no means do I want you to leave. We take the safety of our students very seriously, all of our students, including you." She said calmly.

"I'm sorry; I've put you all in danger. I… I need to leave, please." The wooden legs of my chair scraped against the floor as I made to stand up. I couldn't stay here, they'd just hurt more people in their attempt to get to me. Brendr's murder was just their attempt to unsettle me and I couldn't let that happen to anyone else.

"Sit!" She didn't shout, but the break from her usual tone was enough to startle me into inaction. "Even I, the Arch-Mage of this college, do not fully understand the circumstances of last night's tragedy, but I can tell you one thing; you are not responsible for Brendr's death."

"How can you know that! You don't anything about the people that are after me, they're dangerous and they want nothing more than to make me pay for what I did!" I cried, feeling the familiar tug of fear in my chest return with a vengeance.

"Whatever it was that you went through before you came to Skyrim, while obviously very upsetting for you personally, has very little bearing on our current situation. There are powers at play here that you never even knew existed in the first place." She said, her expression darkening.

"Like what? Why did Brendr have to die for this?"

"I'm sorry; I cannot fully explain the situation to you without compromising the safety of the entire college." She sighed deeply and rubbed her temples with her fingers. "What I _can_ tell you is this; Brendr was more involved in this than you thought he was, and you too are now irrevocably tied to the same… factions that he was. You should also know that the powers at play are incredibly dangerous, but it is possible for you to make it out alive if you place your full trust in me."

"But I still don't understand-"

"You don't have too; you just have to trust me." She said cutting me off. I had a million questions I wanted to ask, but it was clear the Arch-Mage wasn't going to answer any of them. There was one other thing I had to know though.

"Where's Nalimi?"

"He's safe, and on college grounds. All of your fellow apprentices are on lockdown until we resolve the situation with the locals. Distrust for the college is at an all-time high." She explained with a pleasant smile on her face, reaffirming her role as the competent and reassuring head of The College of Winterhold.

"That's good." I said with a smile of my own, before an unexpected thought hit me. "He's not involved in any of this, is he?"

"Don't worry, he is not in any more danger than he can handle. He is a surprisingly competent young man; you don't need to worry about him." She assured me.

"So he is involved?" I said anxieties flitting through my mind accompanied by the image Brendr lying dead in the snow. What if that happened to Nalimi as well?

"I didn't say that-"

"But you implied it!" I cut her off, momentarily forgetting about her authority in my panic.

"You don't need to worry. He is not as deeply embroiled as Brendr was, no harm shall come to him." Her folded arms told me that this topic of conversation was just as off-limits as the previous one.

Luckily, a knock at the door interrupted us before any awkward silences could spring up.

"Come in!" The Arch-Mage called. A tired Tolfdir poked his head inside.

"Faralda and I have driven off the last of the locals; it should be safe for Sharli to some outside again." He panted.

"Excellent!" The Arch-Mage said a little bit too enthusiastically. I stood up, the drink having replenished my energy somewhat.

"Thank you once again for hospitality, and for answering some of my questions." I said, bowing my head slightly.

"You're very welcome. One more thing before you leave though; I want you to make sure you come to me if you ever feel like your life is in danger, okay?"

"Okay." I replied quietly, before following Tolfdir back out into the outside world.

**A/N: This chapter sort of developed a life all of its own halfway through :P, I guess that's okay, it's not going anywhere I didn't at least vaguely plan for, except maybe Sharli's backstory which is getting new layers of unplanned complexity every chapter. **

**As always, thank you for reading! And if you liked it, or even if you hated it and think every word I've ever written deserves to be systematically purged from even the darkest corners of the internet, please leave a review telling me what you thought, I don't bite! =)**


	7. Chapter 7 - Shopping List of Questions

Chapter 7

Although my conversation with the Arch-Mage had given me the illusion of clarity, it quickly wore of as soon as I sat down to really _think_ about what she'd said. In all honesty, she'd posed more questions than she'd answered; I'd started off wanting to know more about Brendr's death, and ended up with incredibly vague knowledge of some kind of conspiracy, a conspiracy that I was somehow embroiled in.

I leaned back in the studded leather chair and rubbed my temples frustrated, almost as if I could coax the answers from my skull with a mere touch. Unfortunately my small room on the ground floor of the Hall of Attainment wasn't exactly the best thinking spot around; mages could, and would, just wander in for a chat anytime they liked, and my location near the entrance to the hall made me a prime target for masters looking for an apprentice to run errands for them. It wasn't like I had any other choice though, with the lower ranking mages confined to the college grounds there wasn't anywhere else I could go that had even a small claim to privacy.

I needed to get my head straight if I wanted to figure this out; the past few weeks had been stressful, and I'd barely had the time to breathe. Now that lectures where temporarily suspended, I'd be a fool not to capitalise on the opportunity to really think things through.

I stood up and walked over the bookshelf in the corner of the room. In the short time I'd been living in this room, the bookshelf had managed to accumulate a mountain of junk, including everything from half completed spell scrolls to all eight volumes of 'The Wolf Queen' (which I'd never gotten round to reading). After a bit of rummaging and the accidental triggering of several small paper avalanches, I finally found what I was looking for; my old Flames spell tome.

I flipped to the back and tore out a blank page and laid it flat on a small crate next to the chair which was currently serving as a desk. I grabbed a bottle of ink and ratty brow quill and began to write down everything that I _did _know.

_Known Facts:_

_-Brendr's death was part of a larger conspiracy_

_-The Arch-Mage, Nalimi, and myself are all somehow involved, along with Ruptga knows how many others._

I stopped writing for a second, the list was depressingly short, so just to cheer myself up a bit I added one more thing.

_-Whatever's going on is clearly very dangerous, and I am in over my head._

I was wrong, that wasn't very cheerful at all. I sighed and leant my head on my folded arms, taking care not to accidently dip the sleeves of my robes in the not-yet-dried ink. My father had always claimed that by writing down everything you knew you could figure out what your problems actually were, and that when you knew what the problem you had to solve was, you were better equipped to handle it. It had obviously worked for him, even on the nights before he had to go to battle, he would stay up until all hours of the morning writing lists, but it clearly wasn't working for me. I decided to try list writing again, but I took a different tack

_Unanswered Questions_

_-Who was Brendr really, and how did someone so nice get involved in something so bad?_

_-What part does the Arch-Mage play in this?_

_-What part does Nalimi play?_

_-And what about me? How am I involved?_

_-Why was there a Scimitar sticking out of Brendr's chest, the only people I know to use that type of sword_

I stopped writing, a realisation suddenly hit me. I pulled the piece of paper with the first list, the list with all the things I knew for sure written on it, towards me and added another note.

_-I don't know who, and I don't know why, but somebody is trying very hard to make it look like I killed Brendr._

I put down the quill shakily; the last dredges of ink dripped slowly of the nib and stained the wooden surface of the crate was trying to frame me, but why? It's not like I was important to anyone here, I'd only been in Skyrim for two weeks!

I was interrupted by the sound of someone knocking very lightly on the stone entryway to my room. I turned round, expecting it to be one of the masters, trying to get me to fetch them some deadly nightshade or giant's toes from the store-room, but to my surprise I found the shy Breton from class.

"Hello, did you want something?" I asked, trying to keep the irritation out of my tone.

"Err; Nalimi wanted me to check if you were okay…" She said so quietly it was almost inaudible. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm err, fine, thank you…" I said awkwardly.

"That's good…" Whilst she spoke, she refused to look me in the eye. In fact, she looked everywhere else except at me directly.

"How come Nalimi sent you instead of coming himself?" I asked.

"I think he said he was busy, but I'm not sure…" she said uncertainly, her eyes now firmly fixed upon her feet.

"Busy with what? There are no lectures and we're on lockdown!" I replied angrily, immediately feeling guilty for taking out my frustration on this person who I didn't know.

"He said he was working on a project or something… I don't know, there was lots of paper." She explained whilst simultaneously trying to back out into the main hall.

"What kind of project?" I pressed, certain that there was something she was leaving out. Nalimi was the least academically orientated individual I had ever met, so it clearly wasn't something for the college, and now that I knew he was involved in whatever was going on, I was incredibly curious about what he was up to.

"Something to do with… err… magic." I could tell immediately that she was lying, and that pointed to one of two things; she was either a creepy stalker using Nalimi's name as an excuse to talk to me, or she was somehow involved in whatever mess had got Brendr killed. Either way, I wanted to know more.

"I know your lying to me; tell me what Nalimi's _really_ doing."

"I… I can't. He's doing something really important for the Arch-Mage, he asked me not to tell you anything else, he said it might put your life in danger." She said, "Look, I'm sorry for interrupting you, but I really have to go now."

"Okay then, err, bye!" I said giving her a small wave.

"And I'm really sorry about what happened to Brendr, he was my friend too." She said quietly, before turning round to walk out.

"Wait, why don't you stay and chat for a bit?" I offered, mostly because she looked so small and lonely. "I don't know anything about you; it'd be nice to get acquainted." I said with a smile.

"Okay." She looked somewhat apprehensive as she turned back to face me.

"Right, let's start with the basics. What's your name?"

(-)(-)(-)

Her name, as it turned out, was Estette, and she was half Breton, half Imperial.

"My mother was a mage in the Synod, and my father was a court wizard back in High Rock. He stole what she thought was an important document and she ended up chasing him halfway across Tamriel before she realised it was just a copy of 'The Yellow Book of Riddles'" She explained with a smile, although it didn't really feel like she was talking to me, her mind was elsewhere, back home probably.

"So how did you end up in Skyrim?" I asked with genuine curiosity, up until now her life story had sounded like something out of a story as opposed to something that had actually happened. Apparently she'd spent her entire life on the run from both The Synod, and an important family her father had annoyed in Hammerfell. She'd lived in virtually every province in Tamriel, and met more people than she could remember.

"My mother decided that I needed a formal education in magic, something I couldn't get whilst we were on the run. So they sent me here because it's so out-of-the-way no one would think to look for me. What about you, how did you end up over here?"

"It's kind of a long story…" I trailed off, I'd managed to avoid thinking about the events (or rather the people) that had driven me from my homeland so far, and it wasn't really something I wanted to discuss. Luckily, Estette seemed to understand what I was getting.

"Don't want to talk about it? That's okay." She smiled like she didn't have a care in the world, a total contrast from the shy girl I'd been seeing all week. I suppose she was just one of those people who take a while to get comfortable around new people, and I suppose that kind of made sense, if you spend your whole life on the run trust probably isn't something that comes easily.

"Thank you." I said, relieved.

"If you ever need someone to confide in, don't hesitate to come and talk to me. I tend to find that if I tell people about my problems, they don't seem as scary anymore." She said warmly, idly twizzling the end of her long, golden braid between her thumb and forefinger.

"Your hair's so pretty…" I said after a moment of watching her. And it was; it was smooth, and golden, and reached all the way down her back. I had no idea how she managed to keep it so nice and still keep up with her work for school.

"You think so?" She said, seemingly delighted that someone had finally noticed what was evidently her pride and joy. "I've had a lot of hairstyles over the years, but this one's definitely my favourite. It was really hard to pull off too, I had to use a special potion from Cyrodil every night to make it grow quickly, and I had to keep it tucked in a hat all the time to make sure our pursuers didn't know what my new appearance was going to look like. And that's not even mentioning what I had to do to get it to go this colour." She shuddered at the memory "Definitely worth it though, this is so much better than that time I went bald for a month…"

"I can't imagine you bald." I said with a chuckle.

"It was a dare from my father, my mother was understandably horrified when she saw it; she said I looked like an Argonian!"

"Don't Argonians have scales?" I queried.

"That is exactly what I said." She replied. "You know, if you wanted I could fix your hair up for you, it doesn't look like it's been properly cut for months!"

"Your right it's not." I shifted awkwardly "Haircuts have never really been at the top of my to-do list, I'd love it if you could cut it though!" I said the last part with a smile; it'd be nice to feel like a girl instead of a runaway again, and Estette clearly knew what she was doing.

"Great!" She said excitedly, "I'll go get my scissors!" And with that she bounded away to her room upstairs.

I was about to turn back to my lists, when I noticed someone else standing by the door.

"It's nice to see you two getting on." Nalimi said, stepping into my room.

"Where have you been?" I said angrily, standing up to face him directly. I was annoyed; he'd just left me on my own, and sent someone else to check if I was okay.

"I had to do something important." He said and looked down guiltily at his feet, as if he was following the same line of thinking I was.

"That's no excuse, I'm your friend, you could have at least popped round to say hi!" I exclaimed.

"What do you think I'm doing now?" he said.

"Oh… well…"

"I told Estette to go and check on you because I thought you could help each other, more than I can." He explained calmly. "Brendr and Estette where incredibly close, they were a lot more than just friends. Estette thought she was responsible for his death because she didn't keep a close enough eye on him, you were feeling guilty too, so I thought you could relate to each other." His expression looked down cast, especially as he talked about Brendr.

"That was incredibly manipulative." I smiled, then pulled him into a hug. He tensed for a second, then relaxed and put his arms uncertainly around me. "Thank you." I uttered under my breath, just as Estette appeared in the doorway, brandishing a scary looking pair of scissors.

**A/N: Thank you for reading! And sorry it took so long, I've been really busy recently (unfortunately a place exists called 'The Real World' *sigh*) I know this chapter feels a bit filler-y, but I think Sharli needed a chapter just to wind down after all the revelation-y type stuff that's been going on, also, Estette's a fairly important character later on, and I didn't want to rush her introduction too much. =)**


	8. Chapter 8 - Cat and Mouse

Chapter 8 –

I gazed intently at the mirror, and a thousand different thoughts whizzed through my head; the most glaring of which was the absolute certainty that the face looking back at me wasn't my own. That wasn't a bad thing though, if anything I was impressed, Estette certainly knew her way around a pair of scissors and a box of pigment, that's for sure.

"Do you like it?" She asked, her practiced shyness clipping the pride from her tone, leaving only anxiousness and an eagerness to please.

"I do, it's just…" I studied my reflection again, trying to figure out what felt so wrong. I looked like any normal human being should do; My hair was brushed and cropped back down to a manageable shoulder length style, my face was clean and free from its usual light coating of dust and dirt, and Estette had worked some kind of herbal-colour-magic to get rid of the dark shadows beneath my eyes.

"Just what? I didn't mess up your hair did I? I'm so sorry if I did, I-"

"It's not that, I don't know…" I really focused this time, but I didn't know what was wrong. I looked good, respectable, like me, but with the edges sanded of into smooth curves.

"I think you look good." Nalimi commented from his position by the bookcase, I glanced toward him, secretly glad that he liked my new appearance, despite my own doubts.

"This One agrees with Knife-Ears, but it is strange to see you looking so… clean." J'barri chimed in.

"Hey! I was clean before, cat." I shot back, but kept it at that because Estette looked really pleased at the positive feedback.

"You must remember Elsewyr has a higher standard of living than most places in Hammerfell." Estette began, and I felt certain she was about to regale us with a tale from her travels, which whilst interesting, where starting to get a little old. "When I was living in the Alik'r dessert, I only ever had a bath once a week. There's little point in staying squeaky clean in a place where the sand instantly undoes the entire wash within seconds. In Elsewyr on the other hand, most humans living there wash at least once a day because of the humid conditions."

"J'barri has never even set paw in Elsewyr; he was born and raised on Kenarthi's Roost." J'barri said indignantly.

Estette looked confused, "Kenarthi's Roost?" she said "Where's that?"

"It is on the South Coast of Elsewyr, full of lush trees and plenty of moon sugar, unfortunately it is also full of Elves, and not nice elves like our friend here." He gestured towards Nalimi, "It is no surprise you have never been there, Goldilocks, border control can be very…ah… intimidating these days, yes?"

"Sounds like a challenge." A spark glinted in her eyes.

"Ha! A precious flower like you would not last five minutes against even the most benign of moon sugar farmers." J'barri taunted.

"And you would?" She replied, standing up to her full (short) height.

"This One could beat up a thousand moon sugar traders with a single claw." He stood up as well, now they were nose-to-nose.

"We'll see how confident you are after your fur's all singed, Khajit." She uttered, and I wasn't sure if she was being playful or serious.

"Tonight, on the rooftop, we shall see who the strongest competitor is then, Blondie." J'barri flashed Estette a wickedly feline smirk, one that she matched with equal vigour.

I glanced at Nalimi, almost pleading with him to intervene, but he just looked satisfied with the confrontation and gave me a knowing smile.

(-)(-)(-)

"I can't believe you're seriously going to fight him!" I exclaimed, keeping my voice to a minimum so as to avoid the terrifying glare of Urag-Gro-Shrub, the Orcish librarian.

"I don't see why not," Estette whispered from behind a huge stack of ancient books.

I sighed, it felt like sacrilege, having a conversation about a fight in the middle of a library, but we had work to do, and it was the only place J'barri and Nalimi were unlikely to wander in on us. "It's a crazy idea, if you don't manage to kill each other, Tolfdir certainly will. You _know_ the college's policy on practicing dangerous spells on other students."

"Oh come on Sharli, don't be such a spoilsport, I won't beat him up too badly!" She grinned fiendishly, and for a moment I wondered how I could ever have thought she was shy.

"That's not what I'm worried about." I said grimly, and it was true. It didn't matter how badly they hurt each other, Nalimi was a restoration genius; he'd be able to patch them up in a matter of seconds if things got out of hand.

"Then what _are_ you worried about? It can't be J'barri's pride, if he needs anything it's to be taken down a peg, that guy's got _way_ too much self-confidence." She uttered.

"What I'm worried about is you getting caught!" I slammed the spell tome I was studying closed for emphasis.

"Why would that matter to you? It's not like you'd be getting punished." She reasoned with a casual shrug.

"You'd manage to drag me into somehow." I muttered.

Estette chuckled, "Stop being so cynical, I'll leave your name out of it, I promise."

"Hmmm, I don't believe you." I looked at her doubtfully, she looked happy, excited even. I felt a pang of guilt, who was I to try and take that away from her? Especially after what happened to Brendr, she deserved a little joy to help with the grief.

"Just have a little faith, and help me get my head around this conjuration spell whilst you're at it, I've never been able to understand these things." Estette said merrily, totally oblivious to my dilemma.

(-)(-)(-)

After our study session in the Arcaneum, Estette and I both decided to head straight back to the Hall of Attainment; me to finish brushing up on my wards, and Estette to catch a power nap before her match with J'barri.

As we trudged silently through the fresh covering of ankle-deep snow, the comfortable lack of conversation allowed my imagination to take centre stage in terms of brain power. I couldn't stop thinking about who might have killed Brendr, even though most of my theories where nowhere near plausible. At first I'd been fairly fond of the conspiracy idea, but I'd decided that even though something _was_ definitely going on, and Brendr _was_ definitely involved, that didn't necessarily mean that's what had led to his untimely demise. It could just have easily been an unfortunate coincidence or even my original theory that people from my homeland had followed me here...

I shook that thought off immediately. Blaming myself wasn't going to get me anywhere, and the Arch-Mage had already said I wasn't at fault. I trusted her, she had given me a home in this college, trusting her judgement was the least I could do.

Suddenly, Estette stopped dead, her eyes momentarily widening in fear before she quickly fixed them firmly upon her feet. I stopped with her, my own eyes scanning the surroundings for the source of her discomfort.

"What's up?" I asked when I didn't find anything.

"Over there." She gestured discretely towards the door to the hall where Tenise and Dar-Ja, two of the other apprentices in our group, where stood talking.

"What's the problem? It's just Dar-Ja and Tenise; they're not exactly going to eat you." I pointed out, but she just shook her head in response.

"They might be alright with you, but with me it's a different story." She uttered quietly.

"Just stick with me and you'll be fine." I tried to give her a reassuring smile, but she just looked at me doubtfully. When she still refused to move, I gave her sleeve a small tug and walked confidently towards the door.

As we neared the entrance, Dar-Ja stepped in front of us, blocking the path. "Hello there little mouse, I see you finally found a friend." She hissed at Estette, who flinched as if she'd just been slapped.

"We just want to go inside; can you let us past please?" I interjected, angling myself so that my shoulder was between Estette and the hostile argonian.

"We're not stopping _you_ from going anywhere new-girl, we just wanted to have some fun with the little mouse." She stepped towards me, "Unless you want to join in too?"

I was about to respond angrily, but I suddenly found myself unable to move. I glanced towards Tenise's hand; a paralysis spell.

"That's what I thought." Jar-Da grinned, her pointed reptilian teeth flashed in the winter sun.

"Please…" I could feel Estette trembling behind me as she spoke "We just….we just want to go inside…"

"I bet that's what Brendr said." Tenise said maliciously.

"Don't say things like that… we never…"

"I bet you did." Dar-Ja said, "And I bet you weren't the only one either."

"Please stop!" Estette pleaded, I didn't have to see her tears to know they were there.

"In fact, the people in town said they saw him leaving on the night he died with your friend," Dar-Ja leaned past me towards Estette and whispered something very quietly in her ear. Estette stiffened, and she gripped tightly onto my arm.

"That's not true… Brendr would never… "Her voice was hoarse, doubt and shock rang through every syllable.

"The evidence is all there, I say we-" Dar-Ja was cut short as a dark green paralysis spell slammed hard into her stomach.

"Goldilocks told you to stop." said J'barri as he walked towards us. "This One suggests you do as she says, you do not want to be getting claw marks all over those lovely new robes." He flexed his claws in front of them and smiled widely, putting his perfect set of pointy white teeth on full display.

The spell on Dar-Ja quickly wore off, and she glared at J'barri "Three against two is no fair fight, cat."

"It isn't exactly fair to drag the names of the dead through the mud in front of their friends." He replied, staring her down.

"This isn't the end of this." She hissed before walking off, Tenise in tow. I collapsed against a pillar, exhausted, but glad that I was able to move.

J'barri instantly turned to Estette who was breathing deeply in an attempt to regain some semblance of composure "Are you okay? They didn't harm you did they? If they did, J'barri will gladly hunt them down and kill them for you."

"You didn't have to do that. I can fight my own battles." She said harshly.

"That was not a battle you could have won." He replied, shaking his head sadly.

"Oh yeah? How come?"

"There are two types of blows you cannot be expected to recover from, the first one, is a blow to the heart." He said.

"And the other one?" Estette asked, her curiosity overruling her pride now that she'd had time to recover from the verbal assault.

"I think you know what the other one is." He grinned slyly. Estette blushed a shade of crimson I'd only ever seen on Daedra hearts.

(-)(-)(-)

"What was it you wanted to show me?" I asked, making it clear that I really didn't appreciate being woken up in the middle of the night by an overexcited Nalimi.

"They're not fighting." He grinned broadly, unexplained elation dancing in his eyes.

"What on Nirn are you talking about?" I muttered through a barely suppressed yawn. He sat next to me at the top of the stone steps.

"J'barri and Estette, they're not fighting." He grinned, gesturing towards the door we were leaning against "See for yourself, just peak through the crack."

I did as he asked and pressed my eye against the rotted wood that led to the roof. True to what Nalimi had said, J'barri and Estette weren't fighting, far from it. Instead of the high octane duel Estette had been blabbering about all day, they were just sat there, talking, their arms just inches apart.

I smiled, they looked peaceful. I pulled away, giving them the privacy they deserved.

"They look good together, don't they?" Nalimi said quietly.

"Yeah, they do."

**A/N: Thanks again for reading! I'm not entirely sure about this chapter =/, so I'm sorry if it's really bad! I was kind of experimenting with something that's a bit more self-contained, but still contributes to the wider plot, a bit like an episode of TV, I think it worked quite well, I'm not sure =/ At least it was fun to write! =D **

**I'm not sure how well it came across here, but I really like J'barri and Estette together, they sort of created each other in my head =)**

**On another note, updates might be a little bit slower from here on out, I go back to school tomorrow so I'll probably have less time on my hands because of homework and stuff, so sorry about that =( **


	9. Chapter 9 - Demonic

Chapter 9 –

"I can't believe they're starting lectures again so soon after… you know…" I said to Nalimi as we sat in the Hall of The Elements, waiting for Aryenne and our fellow apprentices to arrive. It had been a fair few days since J'barri' and Estette's 'fight' (they had vehemently denied our accusations that it may have been more than that, but had none-the-less been inseparable), and it had just been announced that lectures where about to start again.

"The only reason they stopped them was because they needed the faculty to keep the townsfolk out of the college." He said matter-of-factly.

"Never let it be said The College of Winterhold halted academic progress out of respect." I uttered angrily under my breath. I knew that academic progress was important, but Brendr was close to a lot of people in the college, not to mention that, as far as I could gather, he gave his life fighting for the Arch-Mage's cause.

"I don't see how a bunch of mages taking a week of to wallow in their misery is respecting anyone." Nalimi said bluntly.

"That's a bit harsh, don't you think?" I said, slightly perturbed by the uncharacteristically cutting nature of what he'd said.

"It just annoys me is all, you can't just… I don't know; stop, because something bad happened. If the college closed every time somebody died it'd never be open!" Something close to anger sparked in his mildly argumentative tone.

"People still need time to grieve." I said sadly, thinking back the hauntingly sad look in Brendr's sister's eyes at his funeral.

"Grief is a luxury we can't afford, especially not-" He cut himself off mid-sentence, but he'd already set alarm bells ringing in my head; I was betting that whatever it was he was about to say would reveal more about the secrets the Arch-Mage was keeping from me.

"Especially not what?" I asked.

He shook his head "It doesn't matter. Say, what do you think this lesson's going to be about?"

"Don't change the subject; it clearly does matter if you're so eager to avoid telling me." I gave him a pointed look before asking again, "Especially not what?"

"It really isn't that import-"

"It clearly is important if it's got you, the same person who has saved my life not once, but twice, without even batting an eyelid, all flustered." I argued, cutting him off.

He sighed, "Have you ever heard the expression 'let sleeping dragons lie?'"

"I think it's actually 'let sleeping dogs lie'" I pointed out.

"These aren't dogs you're messing with here, they're dragons. And at the moment you're poking them with a stick." He said darkly.

"I just wanted to know who killed Brendr! Is it really so wrong to want to know who murdered my friend?"

"Sharli, this isn't easy for anyone," He said with a pained expression "but please, just leave it to the people who are already up to their necks in this mess to deal with it."

"I can't believe you!" I cried angrily "This isn't some minor crime we're talking about, this is _murder!_ You can't just leave me out of the loop!"

"I want to tell you everything I know about this, I really do, it's just-"

"Well tell me!" I felt my voice catching in the back of my throat, I didn't have to feel my eyes to know that they were moist.

"I can't! This isn't some kitschy murder mystery novel Sharli, this is dangerous!" He grit his teeth in frustration.

"You think I don't know that?" I was nearly shouting, but the silence of the hall stopped me rom going all out. I took a deep, shaky breath before continuing "My friend _died_, I think I know what's at stake here!"

"You don't know what's at stake; if you did we wouldn't be having this conversation." His tone was measured and even, but that didn't stop me from noticing the way he sank his nails into the palms of his hands to keep himself grounded.

"Tell me then!"

"I already told you, I can't!"

"Why?!"

"Because…Because…" He screwed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose, struggling to find the right words. "Because I can't afford to lose you too." He uttered quietly, almost to himself.

I was silent, unsure as to how I should respond. Luckily I didn't have to, because at that moment J'barri bounded in with Estette on his heels, both of them had excited grins on their faces.

"You'll never guess what's going on outside!" Estette managed to choke out between gasps for breath.

"What?" I asked curios as to what had got the two of them so riled-up.

Estette shook her head, "I don't want to ruin the surprise, come see for yourself!"

(-)(-)(-)

"I don't quite see what's so good about this…" I said quietly to Estette.

"I don't know what you mean; they're going to fight each other! It's awesome!" She squealed excitedly, her baby-blue eyes dancing beneath the shadow of her hood. I decided to pull my own hood up, it was really cold and we weren't doing much except huddling in the corner of the courtyard, waiting for the two mages on the bridge to start fighting.

"Someone could get hurt!" I protested.

"The Arch-Mage would never let that happen." Estette said easily, the blind faith in her voice made my stomach turn.

"You don't know that." I replied.

"The Arch-Mage is too powerful to let herself get out of control, and Thalmor or not, she'd never deliberately hurt Aryenne." She said.

"She would if she thought she was a danger to the college."

"For all we know, this is just a couple of friends blowing of steam." Estette said, her eyes fixed on the pair.

"I'd be more inclined to believe that if they were actually on the same side." I said with folded arms.

"They _are_ on the same side. Just because Ancano was bad, it doesn't mean Aryenne-" She began, but was cut off mid-sentence by the mage furthest from the bridge shouting something

"As Arch-Mage of this college, I am formally requesting you to vacate these premises." She shouted, her crystal-clear voice reverberating throughout the stone structure. Even though I couldn't see the Arch-Mage's face, I could still feel the pure magical strength that rolled of her every word.

"Please Arvella, we've been friends for a very long time, you don't have to do this!" The other mage, Aryenne, cried, her voice sounded almost pathetic in comparison to the Arch-Mage's thunderous boom.

"You have endangered this college, you must leave!" The Arch-Mage responded as a spell sprung to life in the palms of her hands.

"You know for a fact that I did no such thing!" Aryenne was in tears now, and her knees looked like they were about to give way beneath her. "Please Arvella; I care for this college almost as much as you do! It is where I began my path towards arcane knowledge, I would never, never harm a hair on a single student's head!"

I felt a tug of sympathy towards Aryenne, but this was quickly extinguished by what the Arch-Mage said next.

"Whilst you may not be directly responsible for the events of the past few days, a member of your organisation willingly murdered a known associate of this college!"

My blood ran cold. She was talking about Brendr. She was implying that the Thalmor had killed him. I glanced at Estette, her eyes where wide as saucers and a sheen of sweat had appeared on her brow. I turned to J'barri; the Khajit was looking at her with equal concern. "Get her inside; she doesn't need to hear this." I uttered quietly to him so Estette couldn't hear.

He nodded brusquely, and then he gripped her arm and pulled her gently towards him. Pausing only to utter a few words of comfort in her ear, the pair soon turned invisible, and a few seconds later, were gone.

I glanced towards Nalimi, just to check if he was still there. He was, but he looked like he was about to bolt. I grabbed his wrist so he couldn't disappear to go hiking in the cliffs for a few days just because he was stressed, what surprised me was that he instantly went tense.

He looked down at me, "Let go Sharli." He said, trying to tug free.

"If I do that you'll run off and I won't see you for days. You know what your like!" I uttered quietly, keeping a firm hold on him despite his struggles.

"Please just let go. I won't run off, I promise." He smiled, but there was a haunted look in his eyes. It was an expression I'd never expected to see Nalimi wear.

I let go. "I've got my eye on you." I warned, before turning back to confrontation.

More heated words had clearly been exchanged, because both of the women looked ready to tear each other's throats out.

"I am sick of your lies and accusations!" Aryenne yelled at the Arch-Mage, her voice hoarse. A spell crackled into her palm and I recognised the deep purple of a conjuration spell. I glanced at Nalimi again, but he looked determined to stay where he was.

"I should never have allowed you to worm yourself so far up!" The Arch-Mage replied, "And now seeing as you won't leave on your own, I'm going to have to force you!"

As soon as the words left her mouth, both mages flung every drop of power they had into their spells, the energy they generated momentarily obscuring the snowy battlefield.

The small group gasped in amazement as the Arch-Mage launched a volley of master level destruction spells at her opponent; she bombarded her with a combination of lightning and fire magic, the two forces combining and twisting as she fired them from her palms. It was beautiful, but terrible at the same time, and it left no question as to why she'd been chosen as Arch-Mage.

What was even more amazing though, was the way Aryenne managed to mitigate most of the damage that would have been done, by the force of her will alone; it was almost as if she was taking this vast amount of energy, and setting it aside for further use.

The Arch-Mage looked like she was beginning to grow frustrated; I could feel the steady thrum of magical power she emitted beginning to ebb. After the first volley of powerful magic, she had very little left to give. She'd obviously been counting on an easy victory, one she certainly wasn't going to be getting now.

Especially seeing as Aryenne was just getting started.

Void energy crackled at her fingertips, this was not a spell I was familiar with, and it filled me with unexplainable dread. There was something innately evil about the sparks flying from her fingertips, the normal purple of a conjuration spell had changed, and a tendril of black seeped through the violet ball of energy. I was scared, whatever it was she was about to summon, it was not a thing that should ever be allowed to set foot upon the planes of Mundus.

She threw her arms backwards, dark energy crackled through her entire body, her hair ripped itself free from its hair-tie and individual strands wrenched themselves free from her fragile scalp. Her whole form convulsed violently as incomprehensible amounts of power shot through every cell in her body. Darkness from the void itself seeped through the link she'd created, staining her golden flesh black as ink.

An inhuman scream broke through her gritted teeth, but it wasn't Aryenne's scream. It belonged to something else.

I ripped my eyes away from the spectacle before me for a second to check on Nalimi. Surprising he was still there, just about.

"I know that spell." He uttered hoarsely, his body stiff and rigid.

"Whatever it is, it doesn't look good for the Arch-Mage." I commented, raising my voice just to be heard above crackling energy.

The Arch-Mage had collapsed to her knees, the hood of her robes had blown off and her ebony hair was blowing wildly in the artificial wind. She'd given up trying to attack Aryenne; instead she was drawing a complex series of runes in the snow with her finger. I didn't know what she was doing, but I hoped it would work, if it didn't we were all doomed. The Arch-Mage faltered, pausing to wipe sweat from her forehead. I swallowed nervously, I could tell that something awful was about to happen, and it needed to be stopped.

"I know that spell." Nalimi said, even quieter than before. I glanced round at him to find his eyes focused intently upon the battle, but his mind a million miles away. His icy breaths where coming with frightening regularity, he looked like he was about to collapse right there, and I ended up having to gently clasp his arm to stop him from swaying.

"What are you talking about?" I hissed with undisguised urgency. If Nalimi knew what was going on then we could intervene, prevent whatever atrocity it was that was about to occur.

"I know that spell." He repeated, and I felt myself growing frustrated.

"That's great and all, but what I want to know is how we stop it!" I cried.

"I know that spell."

"Nalimi! Focus!" I near-yelled, gripping his arms and pulling him so that he was directly opposite me, he didn't struggle, just continued to stare, his eyes eerily devoid of emotion. "What is that? How do I stop it?" I was all too aware of the monstrosity behind us, but I couldn't do anything until I figured out what it was. I glanced at the other apprentices; they were all staring, dumbstruck and totally oblivious.

"I know that spell."

I nearly screamed in frustration, but I managed to restrain myself. I had to deal with this calmly and rationally.

I drew back my hand, and slapped him clean across the face.

Nalimi gasped, flinching in reaction to the sudden pain. I smiled quietly to myself, it had worked. Nalimi blinked, looking dazed and like he was about to throw up. I knew there probably wouldn't be much time until he withdrew again.

"Nalimi, I need you to tell me, how do I stop Aryenne from completing that spell." I asked flatly, squeezing his forearms with my hands in an attempt to keep him lucid enough to tell me what I needed.

"I don't… I don't…" He stopped himself; glanced at Aryenne, then spoke again. "Healing hands. She needs a healing spell." He said confidently, all traces of… whatever that had been, where totally gone. Replaced once more by the uber-confident, cool-as-a-cucumber, action mage that I'd come to depend on.

"Good. You stay here. I'll-" I began before he cut me off.

"No. You can't cast a powerful enough restoration spell. I'll do it." He said, shrugging off my hands and striding forwards confidently. He made it about three steps before his knees buckled and he sank to his knees.

I ran forward "Nalimi!" I cried shaking his shoulder. He blinked a couple of times, tried to get up, and failed.

"What's happening… I can't…" He managed to gasp, before collapsing face down in the snow.

"Nalimi!" I cried, shaking his shoulder, trying to get him to move. He didn't make a sound, icy cold dread seeped into my stomach. This was bad.

I looked up; Aryenne's spell had reached its crux. I heard the brittle crack of her bones as the energy yanked her shoulders brutally out of their sockets, heard the strangled choke as her vocal cords elongated, then snapped.

I grit my teeth, it was now or never. I had to cast that spell.

Too bad I didn't have the foggiest idea how to even begin.

**A/N: Ahh! A cliff-hanger! I'm not sure if I should apologise or laugh evilly… I suppose I could go for a combination of the two MWU(sorry)HA(sorry )HA(sorry)HA!**

**Another thing I really do want to apologise for is the fact that this took forever =/ I've been really busy this week, what with school starting up again and everything. Not to mention that because I'm doing the majority of my GCSE's this year (we did one or two last year), the teachers are really pushing us. Seriously, I've been back for one week and I already have something like fifteen essay questions to do =( So sorry about that.**

** Oh, and is anyone else getting Sims 4? I got mine on pre-order from Origin and there's half an hour left on the countdown thingey, so excited =D**

** One more thing I've been meaning to ask(Sorry for the ridiculous length of this A/N, I'm in a waffling mood =P), you may or may not have noticed the new cover on this story, I was wondering if you preferred this one or the old one? Also, what about the description, do you think it gives too much away? **

** And as always, thanks for reading!**


	10. Chapter 10 - Sisterhood and Broken Toys

Chapter 10 –

I had about half-a-minute to figure out how to do a healing hands spell before everything went even more to hell than it already had. That wouldn't have been a problem if I had the slightest clue what I was doing, or there was somebody else who could do the spell nearby, unfortunately seeing as neither of those conditions had been met, it was a huge problem.

I sifted through the hectic mush of memories I'd accumulated whilst studying at the college, desperately trying to find something useful, even if it was just a half-hearted glance at someone else's spell tome. At the moment I'd take whatever I could get.

I approximated fifteen seconds until Aryenne's spell reached completion, Fifteen seconds until everybody within a two mile radius died. Just prodding at the energy being generated caused me to recoil in pain. I didn't know exactly what this spell was, but I could tell that it was evil; it was the sort of energy that never should have left the Void.

At this point I doubted very much that Aryenne was still alive. The mere act of casting the spell had twisted and snapped her physical form into a shape that was unrecognisable, and I didn't even want to think about what sort of shape her soul was in. I had no idea why someone would want to subject themselves to that sort of agony, especially for something as pointless as trying to beat the Arch-Mage.

I shook my head. Ten seconds. I could literally feel the magical power ripping through into oblivion, ready to tear out some kind of creature.

Five seconds. I needed a plan, fast.

Three seconds. An idea hit me out of nowhere, I could only pray for it to work.

Two seconds. I grit my teeth, taking only a second to steel myself. I was scared, this was dangerous, it could potentially kill me, but if I didn't do this I would probably die anyway.

With just a second left, I ran forward, my eyes screwed shut. I tackled the deformed mess that was Aryenne to the ground.

I screamed, the second I made contact with her, a torrent of magical power ripped through my entire body, the agonisingly filthy feel of magicka taken straight from the void seeped into every cell, staining my soul the colour of evil. I'd never known anything like it, there was no other sensations, the only thing I could feel was a growing sense of horror, taking root at the very centre of my being, invading every thought and memory I'd ever had, and probably ever would have.

I was tempted to give in, let the darkness overwhelm me. There was so much pain and suffering, it felt like I'd never escape. But I pulled myself away from that, somehow. I don't know what it was, but _something_ pulled me back, reminded me that I had a job to do, that there _was_ a way to get out of this alive.

I focused what little was left of my conscious mind on the plan.

I opened my own magical reserves wide, allowed my own, normal, magic to mix to mix with the polluted concoction Aryenne was using. It burned, now literally every part of me was being invaded by this corrupt… thing. I held strong though, everything would be okay if I trusted myself and followed the plan through to its finish. Hopefully.

I opened my eyes wide; I'd instinctively closed them when I came into contact with Aryenne, but now I needed to see what I was doing. I nearly recoiled in fright when I saw my hands; the magic I'd absorbed from Aryenne's spell had stained them an inky black, but it wasn't just that, the energy had seeped through to my clothes and the snow on the ground too, anything I came into contact with changed colour.

I shook myself, I needed to focus. I grabbed hold of Aryenne's arm with my left hand, and with my right I performed a spell.

It was simple really, I would divert Aryenne's spell right back to where it came from using one of the first things I learnt how to do; a generic banishment spell.

I cast the spell, aiming roughly at the ground, but really I had no control over where it went.

At first I didn't feel anything and I was relieved at the sudden lack of pain, but after a few seconds a torrent of what could best be described as the most painful thing I had ever experienced washed over me.

My body was a conduit from Nirn to Oblivion, nothing but a path to drag the dark energy back to where it came from. I felt unsurprisingly insignificant.

Somewhere, I could hear myself screaming, feel the sound grating against my throat, but that didn't seem to matter anymore. Here I was isolated, trapped in agonizing darkness, corruption tugging on my periphery, evil clamouring for my attention.

I was alone, and scared, and trapped, but that was okay. I didn't matter anymore. I was just a piece of the puzzle, and not even a unique one at that. I could easily be replaced. I was just a temporary conduit between these two massive forces

I wondered if Tu'whacca was watching, waiting for me to succumb to the pain. I could feel his arms, nothing more than tendrils of ethereal mist, reaching out towards me, waiting to shepherd me across the Far Shores. I wondered if he would get to me in time; catch me before I slipped over the brink of Mundus and into the Void.

And then I heard the voice

_Stay strong sister, your task is nearly complete_

It was cold, wispy, and frankly quite terrifying, but it still reminded me that I had to keep pushing forward; I had a job to do.

I squeezed my eyes shut. I had to hold on, keep the channel open until the flow of dark magic stopped.

And then the flow began to ebb, the real world began to materialise around me, replacing the dark abyss of pain I'd been trapped in. I could feel the damp snow on my back, hear the astonished yells of the crowd that had gathered to watch the spectacle, I opened my eyes, and I could see the white winter sun, shining through the obscurity of an oncoming snowstorm.

I laughed aloud in relief, I made to get up.

_Not yet, sister. Keep the pathway open a little while longer._

I did as the voice asked, despite the fact that the last trickles of void magic had already passed through. Now it was draining my own magicka to keep the spell going, but I didn't mind though, I was just glad to be free.

_Now, it is done._

I had no idea what it meant, until a burning pain seared through my very soul, flinging me into the dark depths of unconsciousness.

(-)(-)(-)

_I was in a void, not The Void, but definitely a void. A place so dark and abysmal I knew instantly I was dreaming, because no place on Nirn could ever be as awful as here._

_This wasn't like my usual dreams, I knew that much. _

_There were no past horrors or mistakes, waiting in the wings to pounce on me, attack me with their claws of guilt and fear when I'm least expecting it._

_This was a place of the present._

_The only evil here was the evil of my own mind._

_I realised I was on my back and pulled myself to my feet. I couldn't see a floor, but I was definitely standing on something, I couldn't see any walls or a ceiling either, just black._

"_Sister." _

_The voice from before, this time it was clear as a bell. It had no form to match it though, just a sense of existence, the knowledge that it was definitely there._

"_Who are you?"_

_I asked as confidently as I could, but my own voice still sounded frail in comparison._

"_That is not important, what is important is who I am to you." _

_I was curious, who was she to me? And I was fairly certain her identity _was_ important. I decided to humour her anyway._

"_Fine. Who are you to me?"_

"_To you, I am a sister."_

_That just annoyed me. What did she mean she was my 'sister'? She sounded like she was good twenty years older than me, and all my sisters where at least ten years younger than I was (or dead)!_

_I was about to say something, but the voice cut me off before I could even get my mouth open._

"_Whoops. Looks like we're out of time for now; see-ya later!"_

_A blinding light swelled in front of me, gathering the surrounding darkness into a sea of purest white, I screamed, and then it swallowed me too._

(-)(-)(-)

I awoke with a gasp, blinking in the daylight like I'd never see it again. I was still outside, next to Aryenne's blackened corpse and in the company of a dozen shocked looking mages. I guessed that I'd only been out for a few minutes seeing as nobody was actually doing anything.

I pushed myself up, wanting to get as far away from the monstrosity that used to be Aryenne as possible; she didn't even look like an elf anymore, just a mangled mess of robes and skin and jutting-up bones. She deserved what she got, but I still felt a twinge of sympathy.

I walked over to where the Arch-Mage was prone on the ground. She didn't look good, her skin was ashen and covered in sweat, her eyelids where fluttering, as if she were fighting just to stay alive. There was nothing I could do for her though, so I walked straight past.

The mages who'd gathered where starting to life, they'd probably seen me moving and remembered that it was actually possible. I glanced backwards, a couple of Colette's assistant mages where rushing forward to help the Arch-Mage, packing as much healing magic into her frail form as they could muster.

That wasn't important though, what I wanted was answers, and at the moment there was only one person I could get them from.

"Nalimi!?" I called loudly, making my way over to where he was lying on the ground. His eyes where wide open, and for a second I feared he was dead, but then I saw the strained rise and fall of his chest and I knew he was okay.

I crouched down next to him, but he didn't even seem to notice me, his ochre eyes fixed on an invisible point in the sky.

"Nalimi?" I said again, more quietly this time.

He still didn't acknowledge me; he just lay there, staring at the clouds with a vacant expression on his face. If he even knew I was there, he wasn't showing it.

I reached forward and tentatively shook his shoulder, scared I might break him with a touch. He still didn't respond, and that terrified me. What in the Void was wrong with him?

"That's not going to work Sand Walker." I almost cried with relief when I heard J'barri's voice, he could maybe tell me what was wrong with Nalimi, or get help, or _something_.

And then I realised what he'd actually said. "What do you mean it's not going to work?" I cried angrily, whipping round to face him "What's even wrong with him? Why is he just lying there? Ho-"

"One question at a time Ink-Face." He said his disposition aggravatingly cheerful.

"What d'you mean, Ink-Face?!" I stood up, hands on my hips.

J'barri flinched, "This One was only making reference to the fact that you look like you were rolling around in charcoal."

I looked at him doubtfully, and then looked at my hands. They were still pitch black; I nearly jumped a mile in shock "Sweet Ruptga! I do!" I cried, all thoughts of Nalimi temporarily forgotten due to the far more pressing dilemma; the fact that I looked like a miner.

"No need to worry, there exists a magical substance that will make all of your troubles disappear. It will be like your walking across the warm sands of Else-"

I cut him off, not willing to listen to an infamous Khajiti Elsewyr rant "What? What is it?!" I demanded.

"Why, Skooma of course!"

**A/N: I'm sorry this took so long, and that it's so short. I was aiming to write two chapters this weekend to make up for only writing one in the actual week, but I got a bit distracted… (SIMS 4 IS AWESOME!)**

**Anyway, as always, thanks for reading (No evil cliff hangers this update… well, no urgent ones anyway… definitely not **_**super **_**urgent)**

**And one more thing...**

**WE FINALLY MADE IT TO CHAPTER 10!**

**YAY!**

**Thank you so much for reading, this is a huge milestone for me, and I never would have made it this far without you, whether you review every chapter or even if you just read this whole thing in about twenty minutes and will never lay eyes upon it again due to its sheer mediocrity, thank you =D**


	11. Chapter 11 - Scar Tissue

Chapter 11-

"I really don't think this is going to work…" I said to Estette, who was poised and ready to cast a sunburst spell… right at my face.

"Of course it will!" She beamed, "If what you say is true, then it was dark magic from the void that turned your face that colour, then the logical conclusion is that light magic, otherwise known as restoration magic, will turn it back."

"I don't know… I think I've had enough near-death experiences recently without adding another to the list." I said pensively.

J'barri spoke up, the first thing he'd said since the two of us had dragged Nalimi back into the Hall of Attainment and propped his limp form up in the chair in Estette's room (Estette herself had been taking a nap at that point, once someone was under the influence of one of J'barri's infamous calm spells there was no way they were waking up until they were good and ready) "Relax Sand Walker, Goldilocks is a competent mage-"

"A competent _destruction _mage!" I cried," I don't exactly find the idea of getting my face burnt off when she accidently casts a fireball spell particularly appealing!"

"What about me then? This One has spent many years perfecting the Sun Fire spell-"

"Half an hour practicing a spell in Colette's lesson because you thought the other restoration spells where 'for kittens and pansy elves' really doesn't count as years J'barri!" I cried, "And besides, you're so full of skooma I'm surprised you haven't floated of into oblivion!" I added, gesturing towards the ornate pipe dangling from between his lips.

"You don't have much confidence in your friends, do you Sand Walker?" J'barri said thoughtfully.

"That's not really surprising seeing as out of the three friends I've got one is a spell-happy destruction mage-"

"That's just mean!" Estette protested.

"Let me finish!" I snapped, "One is a spell-happy destruction mage, another's so high on skooma he can barely see straight, and the other… he…" I shook my head in frustration, unable to finish. I simply could not put into words what I felt about Nalimi, it was too complicated, too upsetting. I glanced at him, propped in the chair, his eyes staring into nothingness, focused on some distant horror visible only to him. I felt tears beginning to well up in my eyes as I struggled to find the right words.

J'barri and Estette looked at each other apprehensively, they could have stopped me at any time, but they didn't. No matter what I said to their faces, I knew they were good people.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and took a deep breath before continuing "He saved my life, on more than one occasion, he showed me the ropes, introduced me to new people, and now that he needs me the most, I can't do _anything_ to help him! Heck, I don't even know what's _wrong_ with him!" I looked pleadingly at the pair of them.

They both looked at me, Estette's eyes filled with empathy and J'barri's with determination.

"That is an interesting tale, Sand Walker," He began with a devilishly feline smile, "There is a way for you to help old Knife-Ears here out, you're not going to like it though."

"What is it?" Estette said, the expression on her face looking just as curious as I felt.

J'barri's grin grew wider "For that piece of…ah…privileged information, you shall have to wait, Goldilocks. Just know that this one has a plan, and everything will go smoothly, assuming you're willing to give this one a few minutes to gather supplies."

(-)(-)(-)

A few minutes quickly evolved into a few hours, and Estette and I quickly found ourselves growing bored. I was also worried sick about Nalimi, he had barely even blinked since we brought him inside, and I was terrified; what was causing this, and more importantly, could he get better?

On the plus side, the stain on my skin had faded a little, turning my hands a mottled grey colour as opposed to their previous jet-black. That was a relief; I'd been nervously considering the possibility of letting Estette fireball my face so I wouldn't have to spend my life looking like some kind of mad ink artist or an overexcited scholar.

"You okay there Sharli?" Estette asked suddenly, bemused concern marring her delicate features.

"Yeah… Why wouldn't I be?" I asked confused.

"Normal people don't smile like loons when their friends are at death's door." Her furrowed brow paired with her disapproving frown made me want to chuckle even more; she really didn't suit that expression.

Instead I just shook my head "Sorry, I just noticed that my skin's turning back to normal, I was glad I wouldn't have to rely on you and J'barri's…_questionable_ methods to fix it."

"What do you mean, 'questionable methods'? Me _or _J'barri could have put it right no problem if you'd let us!" She cried indignantly, "Gosh Sharli, I don't know what's gotten into you today, you're being really mean."

"I think it's commonly known as 'having a sense of self-preservation'."

"That may be the case, but-"

I cut her off "So you're agreeing with me then?"

"No! What I was about to say was that despite your 'self-preservation', you should still be nice to people." She said with her arms folded huffily.

I sighed; she really didn't have much of a sense of humour. "I'm sorry if you misinterpreted what I said, I was just teasing you."

"Why?" Estette asked.

"To, y'know, erm, take your mind off things…" I said awkwardly, "Have you never heard of people doing that before?"

"Not really, no… I've always been taught to face up to the facts of a _serious_ situation, that way it can't come back to bite you later on." She said, idly re-braiding her hair in the same way she'd been doing for the past couple of hours.

"Wait, so all those other situations where you seemed excited, like when you and J'barri where about to have that 'fight', or before Aryenne and the Arch-Mage where about to come to blows, they didn't count as 'serious' in your book?" I asked pointedly.

"Not really, no… I couldn't do anything about them; I _can_ do something about this." She explained calmly.

I looked at her in disbelief "I can't quite decide whether that's an incredibly healthy response or an incredibly disturbing one."

"That's not really for you to judge, I am who I am, no two ways about it." She shrugged.

"You're full of surprises, aren't you?" I shook my head slowly, "I thought I had you pegged as one thing, it turns out you're something else entirely."

"What do you expect? I was raised _everywhere_, even_ I'm_ not sure who I am anymore!" She grinned, and I could tell it was supposed to be joke, but it fell flat.

We lapsed into silence, both of our minds too occupied by other things to bother with conversation. I made a list in my head of every question that needed answering, and it was depressingly long, some of my most pressing concerns featured the Thalmor, Brendr, Nalimi, and the people my mother had doubtless sent from Hammerfell to kill me, or at least make sure I couldn't come back.

To say I was stressed out would be an understatement; I felt like I was in the middle of a juggling act, but with torches instead of juggling balls, and with a blindfold obscuring my vision.

"Estette?" I asked, my voice barely reaching above a murmur.

"Yeah?" She replied, combing her fingers through her hair so that it hung loosely around her shoulders, before beginning the complicated plait again.

"How do you keep up?"

She looked at me strangely "What do you mean?"

"I mean with all the stress, and the mysteries, and the lies, how come it doesn't drive you nuts?" I focused intently on her eyes, and she squirmed under my gaze.

"I suppose… I kind of just… accepted things the way they are." She said uncertainly.

"How d'you mean?" I asked.

She thought for a second, "I choose to focus on the things that matter to me, like when I was on the run with my parents, I didn't get involved in the mind-boggling politics of High-Rock, or my mum's crazy Synod stuff, I just did my own thing, pursued my own interests. Don't meddle with what you can't change." She said slowly and deliberately, choosing her words carefully.

"Oh." I replied, somewhat disappointed. I was jealous in a way, there was no way I'd _ever _be able to take a back-seat; I was too nosy for my own good.

"Why're you asking anyway?" She said, curious enough to momentarily focus on me instead of her hair.

I shrugged, "There's a lot of stuff going on; I guess I'm finding it difficult to keep up."

"I know the feeling." She smiled, "Me and J'barri are always here to listen if you need something, even if it's just to talk. Nalimi is too. Don't make the mistake of thinking you have to deal with all this on your own, you don't. It's been a hellish few weeks; you deserve someone to talk to."

"Thanks." I replied, awestruck by her openness. I doubted I'd ever take her up on her offer, but it was nice to know there was someone there who cared about me; it wasn't a feeling I was particularly used to.

"If it's any consolation, I'm really worried to. Whatever it is that's going on right now has already killed two people, one of whom was one of the closest friends I've ever had, the other my favourite teacher. I don't think I can stand by and let it claim yet another life without at least _trying_ to do something." She had tears in her eyes, and I pretended not to have noticed whilst she blinked them away.

"I hope J'barri gets back soon, this introspection thing is really depressing!" I joked.

Estette chuckled; it was nice to see her smiling again. I'd found myself growing to admire Estette, she was a lot tougher than she looked beneath the baby-blue eyes and the golden hair. I supposed that was probably the idea of changing her appearance.

"He doesn't look good, does he?" Estette said suddenly, her eyes where directed at Nalimi.

"No, he doesn't." I agreed, worry peppering my tone. I looked at Nalimi closely, he still hadn't moved a muscle, but his skin had taken on a sickly pallor, and his eyes looked vaguely feverish.

"Last time I saw something like this, the poor woman developed a terrible fever and died." Estette said, her voice shaking.

"Don't worry, J'barri said he'd sort it." I tried to reassure her, but the doubt in my own voice probably just set Estette even more on edge.

"That was hours ago!" She near-enough whimpered.

"Its okay, Nalimi will be fine." I said with a weak smile.

"I think we should check to see if he has a fever." Estette said.

"Okay, I'll check." I replied, trying to keep my voice strong. I walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, gently laying the back of my hand over his forehead.

"So?" Estette prompted.

"He's cold as ice; totally normal considering we're in a draughty college, he's not moving around and he's not under a blanket or anything." I said, relieved.

"Put this over him." Estette said, handing me a patchwork quilt.

"Wow, this is beautiful!" I said, admiring the intricate stitch work.

"Sharli, focus!" Estette snapped.

"He's not going to freeze to death in the ten seconds it takes me to give you a compliment." I replied dryly, and then gently draped the blanket over him.

"Sorry, I'm just worried is all." She said quietly.

"I am too; we have every right to be." I replied, staring into Nalimi's deep ochre eyes. I would have thought he was dead if it weren't for the steady rise and fall of his chest.

"Check his pulse." Estette said, fidgeting anxiously.

"Why-"

"Just do it, please."

I did as she asked, not even bothering to reason with her anymore. I lifted up Nalimi's floppy arm (I didn't want touch his neck or chest to get a pulse, that would have just been awkward) and pulled back the sleeve to his robe to expose his wrist.

I inhaled sharply "Sweet Ruptga…"

"What is it?" Estette asked, but I didn't reply, I was too focused on the thick band of ugly white scar tissue stretching all the way round his wrist like a bracelet.

I'd seen people with scars like that before; usually they got them from spending a long time in the cast-iron handcuffs used in dungeons. I was confused, millions of thoughts and assumptions whizzed round my head, but one question stood out the most, one of the first questions I'd asked upon arriving at the college.

Why did Nalimi leave Valenwood in the first place?

**A/N: Aghhh, another cliff hanger! I feel really evil =P**

**Thanks for reading =D and I'm sorry that not much happened this chapter; it was supposed to be a bit of a breather chapter.**


	12. Chapter 12 - Q&A

Chapter 12 –

When J'barri still didn't return after three more hours of waiting, the anxious irritability Estette and I had been experiencing quickly gave way to sleepiness. Estette had already curled up in the chair, and after a few minutes of droopy eyelids and slurred conversation, she'd finally dropped off. She was a snorer, but the sound wasn't annoying, if anything it was relaxing, it brought some semblance of normalcy back to the room.

I remained standing by the door, my reasoning being that even your some kind of nap-genius, you still can't fall asleep standing up. Oddly enough, despite the mind-bending levels of stress I should have been experiencing, I felt at peace. I felt as if everything was under control, I knew where everyone was, and my positioning meant I could easily protect Estette and Nalimi from anyone who wished to do them harm. It had been a while since I'd had to protect anyone, but having spent my entire life shepherding around an entourage of tiny siblings, I fell back into the role with comforting ease. If I could see them, I could keep them safe, and that was enough for me.

Now that I had time to think, my mind drifted to a place it had not been in a while; home. I hated what my mother had done to me, but I didn't hate her and I hoped she was okay. My real siblings too, now that I had left I knew the responsibility of being the big sister would probably fall on Neeheda, who was just a few years younger than I was. I knew she'd be okay, she was incredibly strong, out of all my brothers and sisters she was always the one who I'd had to look out for the least. She was smart, she knew the score, knew how best to deal with our violent step-father. I could trust her to keep the really little ones out of harm's way and keep our troublesome brothers away from the front lines. And if worst came to worst, she knew where the old hag lived if anyone got seriously hurt.

Of course thinking about my family led to thoughts of the tragedy that had led to my eventual exile, and with them came the inevitable tide of anger. I'd been reckless, there was no doubt about it, but Lairin's blood was not on my hands alone. Even though my mother had bitterly accused me of killing my sister, she held just as much responsibility as I did. Yes, it had been incredibly idiotic on my part to think that I could get away with taking a badly injured child across the dessert in the middle of the day with barely any supplies and a small army on my back, but I wouldn't have needed to take Lairin to see the hag had my mother not been with a man willing to injure a baby in the first place!

I felt sick at the mere thought of that man; he was evil, no two ways about it. The only way I'd managed to keep my siblings safe was by taking the beatings for them, taking the blame for the wide array of minor infractions that would have likely resulted in the death of some of the youngest. And now I couldn't do anything. I'd left them there to rot, my own selfishness and desire for revenge had thrust a mountain of responsibility upon Neheeda's shoulders, not that she wasn't more than capable of handling it, it just felt wrong to leave her with such a difficult burden without even a day's warning.

I hoped they were all okay, and it was my fault if they weren't.

My reverie was interrupted by a voice at the door "Sharli?"

I turned round, Faralda was stood there, her face was drawn and she had huge bags beneath her eyes as if she hadn't slept in days.

"Yes?" I replied, keeping my voice lowered so that I didn't wake Estette.

"The Arch-Mage wishes to meet with you." It amazed me how well she was able to maintain such a high level of formality when she was clearly so exhausted.

"Now?" I asked, unwilling to leave until either Estette woke up or J'barri got back.

"Preferably, yes." She replied.

"Okay, err, can you just give me a minute and I'll be right up." I said hastily.

"As you wish." She replied "The Arch-Mage will be waiting for you in her quarters when you're ready." She added before departing.

I woke Estette up and hurriedly explained the situation, before rushing back to my own room and pulling on heavy cloak to protect myself from the bitter night air.

(-)(-)(-)

The Arch-Mage's quarters where equally as stunning as they had been last time I was there, except this time I wasn't recovering from a mild case of Hypothermia so was able to fully appreciate their beauty.

I slowly walked past the magical herb garden in the centre, breathing in the mystical scents with newfound appreciation for their subtlety. I didn't doubt that from this tiny room, almost any potion imaginable could be created, everything from the strongest healing potion imaginable to the deadliest poison around.

I scanned the room for the Arch-Mage, and quickly located her, sitting at the same table as last time. I walked over to her, unsure how I was supposed to address someone as powerful as she was who'd just been through such a terrible ordeal.

Surprisingly, she didn't even look ill; she was even wearing her heavy Arch-Mage's robes again. She was just sitting there, a slight rosy glow in her cheeks, sipping a jar of Flin as if no time had passed between now and the last time I'd been there.

"Good evening Sharli, I'm glad you could make it." She said in her usual authoritive voice.

"Err, hello…" I said awkwardly.

"Please, take a seat. We have much to discuss." She gestured towards the chair opposite her, and I had little choice but to sit.

"How are you feeling?" I asked politely, still trying to keep the awe out of my voice. Everyone else I'd seen since the incident with Aryenne, myself included, looked more than a little rough around the edges, but the Arch-Mage appeared physically flawless.

"I'm fine, thank you. Colette really is a gifted mage; she fixed me right up in no time. I even had time for a nap!" She smiled and took another sip from her drink. "It's a shame about Aryenne though, but her fate is ultimately her own fault."

At the mention of Aryenne, I felt the familiar claws of guilt sink into my stomach. There was no denying the part that I had played in Aryenne's death, and the worst part was, I'd been so caught up in worrying about everything else I'd barely even stopped to consider the fact that I'd basically just killed a woman!

"You needn't look so downcast, child. You did what you had to do to protect the college, you relied on your own ingenuity and the fundamentals of your magical training to reach a solution that nobody else thought of, and whilst it may have resulted in a small tragedy, you managed to avert a catastrophe on a much larger scale. Whilst it may not have been the most elegant solution to the problem, it was a solution none the less, and for that, you have my thanks." She looked me straight in the eye as she spoke, and I felt more than a little humbled. Here was this amazingly powerful mage, admitting that an apprentice had solved a problem she could not.

"You're very welcome, but I didn't really do anything special. It was more of a spur of the moment kind of thing, I had to do _something_, it's just dumb luck that it actually worked; I could have easily made the whole situation worse!" I said, looking away. What the Arch-Mage had called an 'inelegant solution' had resulted in a death, and that was on my head.

"Yes, you were lucky, but you were also brave and you trusted your instincts, all three of those things are required to become a skilful mage." She stared at me until I was forced to make eye contact, when I did she smiled reassuringly, "What happened to Aryenne was mostly her fault, and maybe a little bit my fault, but definitely not your fault."

"She still died though, I can't just forget about that like it didn't happen…" I trailed off, my mind pulled back into the quagmire of confusion and guilt.

"I'm not asking you to forget about it, what I'm asking is for you to _stop blaming yourself_. You should be proud of what you achieved here today, you did a good thing." There was a profound sort of wisdom to her words, but I still couldn't bring myself to believe them.

"Nalimi could've done it better, he would've cast a better spell, he-"

She cut me off before I could manage to work myself up into hysterics, "From what Tolfdir tells me he couldn't have done anything as he spent the majority of the encounter passed out on the floor."

"I suppose he did, but-"

"No buts," She said sharply, "I am the Arch-Mage, and my word is final. I will not have one of my apprentices beating herself up because she acted bravely and decisively when no one else would, and basically saved the entire college. Are we clear?"

I was a little resentful of the fact that she'd basically just pulled rank on me, but she was right, she was the Arch-Mage, and it had been insolent of me to disagree with her in the first place, regardless of my personal feelings. "Yes ma'am, we're clear." I uttered sullenly, hanging my head once more.

"Good, now, onto business. As I said, we have much to discuss. There are many things I need to ask you pertaining to the confrontation with Aryenne." Her demeanour instantly changed to one of business like efficiency; I felt like I was being interviewed to join the army back home!

"Of course, I'd be, err, happy to answer your questions…" I replied, before something else popped into my head "On one condition though."

"Oh? And what might that be?" The Arch-Mage looked mildly curious.

"You have to answer some of my questions too." I said, my stomach bubbled in anticipation. I finally had leverage to get the answers I wanted so desperately!

"That depends what they are." She replied, her expression becoming more pensive.

I couldn't really blame her for wanting to keep things to herself, if I had secrets as destructive as hers where proving to be, I wouldn't want to let anyone else in on them either. Unfortunately, her not telling me stuff was likely to put me in danger, in fact it already had!

"That's not going to work for me," I said after a moment's deliberation, "You answer all of my questions, or I won't answer any of yours." I felt vaguely powerful, sitting there, haggling over information with the Arch-Mage, it was making me feel a bit giddy.

"Very well," she said whilst an amused smile tugged at the corners of her lips, "I propose… a deal of sorts…"

"And what would this 'deal' of yours entail?" I said in my best enigmatic voice.

"A direct trade of information, I answer one of your questions if you answer one of mine." She leaned forward with her forearms resting on the table and her fingers interlaced together.

"I suppose that sounds fair…" I smiled, the only reason I wasn't telling her stuff already was because I'd needed a bargaining chip, this agreement looked set to work out in my favour, "I accept."

"Good." Her expression looked calculated, but I didn't give it too much thought, she was probably just thinking about what she was going to ask first, "I'll go first. My question is this; what spell was Aryenne trying to perform?"

I thought about it for a second, but I honestly didn't know besides the basics I'd managed to gleam from the type of magic she was using and its strength, I decided to answer as best I could, "I'm not entirely sure; it was a conjuration spell, I know that much at least, and it was incredibly powerful too."

"That doesn't really answer my question, I already knew all that. What type of conjuration spell was it? What type of magic?" She said with a slight frown.

"But it's my turn!" I said indignantly.

"No it's not, you never answered my question. " She stated matter-of-factly.

"She was using magic from the void," I felt disgust crawling up my spine at the mere thought of that magic, I couldn't take my mind away from the memory of its foul fingers, creeping through my own source of magic, I doubted I'd ever be able to shake that feeling off. "Now answer my question-"

"Magic from _the void_ you say?" The Arch-Mage was lost in thought, "How is that even possible…" She muttered to herself under her breath.

"It's your turn to answer my question now." I said impatiently.

"Are you sure it was definitely void magic? Not just from Cold-Harbour or somewhere similar?" She said, totally ignoring me.

"Yes! There was no mistaking it; it was almost as if… as if Sithis himself was being called upon." I said.

"Hmmm… I wonder how she pulled that off…" The Arch-Mage was a million miles away, and I was beginning to get annoyed.

"Please, can you answer my question now? Or at least hear it?" I pleaded, trying to refrain from snapping at her.

"But you still haven't answered mine yet, you haven't told me the name of the spell Aryenne was casting." She said pointedly.

"But that's not fair, we had a deal!" I cried, feeling like I'd been conned.

"The deal was, you answer one of my questions and I'll answer one of yours." She said flatly.

"But that's not fair! I answered your question the best I could!" I exclaimed, struggling to not raise my voice too much.

Her eyes sparked with anger, and for a moment I felt pure, refined terror shiver through my body "That's not good enough, 'the best I could' does not win wars-" She stopped herself suddenly, eyes widening slightly as she realised what she'd just said.

I jumped in quickly "What do you mean by 'wars'? To the best of my knowledge The College of Winterhold has never engaged in formal conflict, and the civil war in Skyrim ended a couple of years ago."

"Tell you what; I'll answer your question if you can _find _the answer to mine." The fact that she was changing the subject wasn't lost on me, but I decided not to push it. I didn't want to make her mad again.

"Fine. You have yourself a deal." I agreed.

As the Arch-Mage bade me farewell, I tried to keep a straight face, but I felt disappointed. It seemed as if I would be departing yet again with more questions than I had answers, I was sick of being in the dark, luckily this time I had the means to shed at least a little bit of light

I knew _who_ to get the answer to the Arch-Mage's question from; it was just a matter of _how _I was going to get it.

**A/N: **

**AGH I CAN'T SEE THROUGH THE JUNGLE OF PLOT LINES! Seriously, If I hadn't thoroughly planned out the main plot beforehand I would have been seriously lost by now =P**

** I'm not sure what to make of this chapter :/ The Arch-Mage seems to be revealing a not-so-pleasant side to her character and I don't know if I still like her or not (she's still tons of fun to write though =P )**

** And what do you think of my new-new cover? Designing covers for stories is almost as fun as the actual writing part, I'm still a relative novice at photoshop though, hopefully I'll be getting a graphics tablet for Christmas though, which is going to be great =D**

**And on another (final) note, I'd like to ask what you guys think of Aryenne in particular (Unless you've already told me of course =P ), or more specifically, the sort of dilemma I've tried to create involving her character. I know some people are likely very unsympathetic towards her, but I honestly don't know... what she did was obviously very wrong, but she was under a lot of pressure at the time :(. I'm really bad with stuff like this, a similar (except even more grey area-y) situation has arisen for me in my own life, involving one of my teachers committing fraud, and I've been tearing my hair out over it for two weeks now, so I'd really appreciate your thoughts on the situation =)**

** Anyway, once again, thanks for reading (both the chapter _and_ the crazy-long author's note, seriously, I have to learn to shorten these things!) and I'll see you next chapter! :)**


	13. Chapter 13 - The Mudcrab Tattoo

Chapter 13 –

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Estette asked J'barri, dubiously eyeing the tightly coiled scroll in his hand.

"If this one says something will work, then that something will work one million times over!" J'barri replied proudly, puffing out his furry white chest. I still thought it was strange that after several hours waiting, he'd somehow managed to arrive at the one moment Estette and I weren't together, and he'd been topless and caked in some kind of… purple magical residue.

"I still want to know what 'this' is!" I piped in from my spot by the doorway.

"Are you blind, Sand Walker? It is quite clearly a spell scroll!"

I face palmed.

Estette and J'barri both gasped, and Estette's jaw dropped so far I thought it might've hit the floor.

"You shouldn't do that in the presence of a Khajit!" She cried, her eyes wide.

"What?!" I exclaimed, exasperated.

"It is a deadly insult to the Khajiti people." J'barri said solemnly.

"Oh, sweet Ruptga!" Why was there so much etiquette, and why did everyone else at the college seem to be an expert on it? "Look, I'm sorry if I offe-" I began, but then I saw their faces.

Both of them where grinning widely, I couldn't believe I'd fallen for it.

"I swear; you two are going to send me to the Far Shores someday." I said, shaking my head but still laughing along with them.

"If anything sends to the Far Shores, it'll probably be your own gullibility, especially if you fall for something like that!" Estette said.

"I wasn't expecting it!" I cried, "From J'barri, that kind of behaviour's the norm, but _you _Estette?! "I shook my head again in mock disappointment.

She simply smiled impishly in response.

"Alright now, we need to be focusing if we are to be arousing Knife-Ears from the day sleep." J'barri said, taking the voice of reason for a change.

"The what?" I asked, the term he used sounded unfamiliar.

"The day-sleep." J'barri said again, "It is what the evil Thalmor lady called it when Knife-Ears went all dippy-eyed like he is now." He clarified.

I glanced down at Nalimi on Estette's bed. There was definitely _something_ wrong with him, but I wouldn't exactly say he was 'dippy-eyed', whatever that meant. Then I realised the _true _magnitude of what J'barri said.

"Are you saying something like this has happened with Nalimi before?" I said, addressing him seriously.

"Only once as far as This One knows, a few months ago when we both first started at the college. The Evil Thalmor Lady cast this fancy spell and pulled him out of it." He explained.

"And you didn't think to mention this before!" Estette cried, "Me and Sharli where worried sick! I thought he was going to die!"

"Well, aren't you glad he isn't?" J'barri smiled goofily.

Estette looked like she was about to punch him.

"Y'know Sharli," She said, turning to me, "I always thought this room could do with a nice. Fur. Rug." She glared at J'barri as she said the last bit, and he looked like he was ready to run for the hills. For a second I honestly feared for the Khajit's life/hide.

"How about we focus on the task at hand and leave the, err…" I glanced at Estette, "rug making, for later?" then I remembered something from earlier, "Oh and J'barri, they cleared out Aryenne's room hours ago… where did you get that scroll from?"

He shifted uncomfortable, "That is the part This One thought you would not like so much…"

"Okay, I think that's enough details for now, just hurry up and cast the spell. I can't wait for this whole thing to be over and done with." I also couldn't wait to ask Nalimi what that spell Aryenne cast was, but I wasn't going to tell the other two about that just yet.

"Okay, it might take a while though, and J'barri recommends the two of you leave the room, just so you don't suffer any, ah, adverse effects, yes?" He said, and unfurled the scroll with a flourish. I could see what he meant when he said it was going to take a while; that thing had to be a mile long!

(-)(-)(-)

Once again, Estette and I found ourselves enjoying each other's forced company, for better or for worse. Luckily Estette seemed to have calmed down, and her anger had once more turned to worry.

"I hope this works." She said, fidgeting with her plait.

"Yeah, me too." I replied, although whilst I was worried for Nalimi's general well-being, I also needed him to find out the answer to the Arch-Mage's question.

"Hey, Sharli, you know before, when you were checking Nalimi's pulse…" Estette began, interrupting the momentary silence.

My heart skipped a beat, I knew what she was going to ask, and it wasn't a question I wanted to answer without Nalimi's consent. He didn't even know that I knew about that scar yet, I doubted that he'd want me blabbing, what was likely a very upsetting secret, to Estette without even asking. I knew that I'd probably kill anyone who told the people at the college about what happened in Hammerfell. This was a place of learning, a place where you could come for a fresh start. Doubtless Nalimi had gotten in some kind of trouble with the law, spent a couple of months in a jail cell, and then headed to the college for a fresh start. Who was I to intrude on that?

"You looked really shocked for a second, how come?" She continued, totally oblivious to what she was asking me to reveal.

"Oh, err, no reason… Nalimi just has a really weird tattoo on his wrist..." I said, pulling the last bit from the top of my head.

"Really?! What is it?" Estette said excitedly.

"It's a, err… a mud crab. He has a mud crab tattoo on his wrist." I said, cementing my lie, and feeling rotten about it the entire time.

"Ha! A mud crab…" Estette shook her head in disbelief, "I don't blame him for keeping it covered up all the time, I would too!"

"Ha ha, yeah… I would as well…" I added on awkwardly, trying (and failing) not to let my discomfort show.

"He must have been _really _drunk when he got that done!" She chuckled.

"Yeah…" I squirmed, it certainly wasn't the first lie I'd ever told, but it felt like one of the most blatant.

Luckily I was spared from further awkwardness by J'barri's sudden arrival, he looked tired but happy, and I took that to mean the spell had been a success.

"Did it work?" Estette asked eagerly.

"Knife Ears is coming out of it as we speak." He gave us a big toothy grin, which always looked scarier on Khajit than it ever could on a human.

"That's great!" Estette smiled and made to go into the room.

J'barri stopped her, "It is probably best to not go in there right now, Knife Ears is, understandably, a little freaked out."

Nalimi, 'freaked out'? That didn't sound right, aside from what happened earlier, the guy was cool as a cucumber.

Estette vocalised what I'd been thinking "I've never seen Nalimi 'freaked out' before, how could you know?"

"He is not as subtle as he sometimes tries to be…" J'barri said with his usual pretentious Khajit mysticism.

I rolled my eyes "Stop messing around cat, let us through."

"This One really doesn't think-"

I didn't get to hear the rest of what J'barri was about to say, because at that point Nalimi poked his head around the door frame, looking as healthy as I'd ever seen him

"Hi!" He grinned cheesily.

"Nalimi!" Estette cried, barging past a disgruntled looking J'barri and tackling Nalimi in what looked an awful lot like a flying hug. I winced on his behalf as he staggered under her weight.

"Careful!" he gasped, struggling to keep his knees from buckling.

"We were so worried about you, weren't we Sharli?" She held Nalimi at arm's length with her hands on his shoulders, looking him up and down to check for visible signs of injury.

"That is enough joyous reuniting for now." J'barri said, physically prying Estette of Nalimi, and I swore I could see a momentary jealous glare in Nalimi's direction. He then pulled her off towards the small dining area upstairs "We shall be getting something to eat now, Sand walker, do not let knife ears escape." He warned, before the two of them disappeared from sight, leaving me alone with Nalimi.

"Wanna get out of here?" Nalimi asked.

I nodded, still unable to quite get over the fact that he looked quite so perky after such an intense twenty-four hours, even _I _still looked a bit grotty, and I'd been fully conscious!

(-)(-)(-)

We ended up walking around the courtyard slowly. Nalimi had wanted to head over to the main town, but I had to at least partially keep my promise to J'barri that I wouldn't let him escape.

"I take it you're feeling better now?" I asked conversationally as we made our way around the circular area for the second time.

"Yeah, much better. Thanks." He smiled warmly, looking more relaxed than I'd seen him for a while. He'd initially seemed tense when we first walked past the spot where Aryenne and the Arch-Mage had their fight, but now he was fine.

"That's good…" I trailed off, unsure how I should phrase my next question, "We were really worried you know, me and Estette, we didn't even know what was wrong with you… you just sort of collapsed… what was it that… you know…"

He looked at me for a second, his elfish eyes searching mine, before he looked away again, focusing on the floor. "I honestly don't know what it was…" he said after a moment's consideration.

"You honestly don't have a clue?" I asked incredulously.

"How about we talk about something else, hmm?" He suggested nervously, un-keen to discuss the topic any further. "How's Aryenne? Did you manage to stop the spell before it could hurt her too badly? I take it you did, seeing as the College is still…" He glanced at me, saw my saddened face. "She's not okay is she?"

I shook my head sadly.

"That's… That's a shame." It was strange, it was almost as if I could see him erecting mental barriers one by one, creating a flood barrier to stop the oncoming tide of grief. "How bad is she?"

I took a deep breath, mentally flashing back to the image of Aryenne's disfigured corpse. I reminded myself that I'd had no choice, what happened wasn't my fault. Either she died, or we all did.

"How bad is she, Sharli?"

Damn it, I'd never been good at breaking bad news. At least I knew I wouldn't actually _see _Nalimi falling apart, but Ruptga knew what would be going on in that head of his. He always tried so hard to look strong, and it was only now, after seeing his panic stricken face when Aryenne cast that spell and the scar on his wrist, that I was beginning to realise how good he was at pretending to be okay.

"Just tell me straight Sharli, I can take it, you know I can."

I looked at his face, his expression was totally calm. Maybe he _could _take it; maybe I'd just witnessed a single moment of weakness.

"She's dead." I said solemnly.

Nalimi looked momentarily shocked, before he pulled himself together. "Oh, okay."

We walked in silence for a bit, I was giving him time to digest the news, waiting for him to cry, or at least look sad, like any normal person would.

"How did she look?" He asked suddenly.

"What do you mean?" I was confused by his question.

"When she died…" He stopped walking for a second, turned to face me, "Was she screaming in agony, or was she… you know… peaceful"

I took another deep breath, struggling to keep my composure. I really _was_ bad at breaking news. "She died with a smile on her face." I lied.

Nalimi himself broke into a smile, "That's good, I was afraid…" He shook his head, and then began walking again, faster this time. "That wasn't a nice spell she was trying to cast."

"I know." I replied, images of Aryenne screaming in agony flickered through my mind. "Hey Nalimi…" I said hesitantly. It was the perfect opening to gather information for the Arch-Mage, but I didn't want to press for information.

"Yeah?"

"What spell _was _she trying to cast?" I asked tentatively, feeling like I was stepping on eggshells. As far as I knew, thinking about/witnessing that spell was what had made him get so bad last time, I didn't want to accidently make something similar happen.

He frowned momentarily, "You don't want to know that."

"Please!" I begged, abandoning my previous aim not to press too hard when a spike of curiosity split through my stomach.

"No." He said, walking faster still, I was now struggling to keep up.

"Nalimi, please! I need to know this!" I cried, "What was Aryenne trying to cast!"

He stopped abruptly "Why do you want to know so badly? What does it matter what she was trying to cast? It's the type of spell that hurts people; that should be enough knowledge for you to go by!" He said, I could see him desperately trying to keep himself calm, and I felt a stab of pity. I had to know though, the information he possessed could lead to the capture of Brendr's killer.

"It could help me find Brendr's murderer!" I said, my own voice the epitome of clear-headedness and tranquillity (not).

He looked stricken for a second, then he squeezed his eyes shut, and when he opened them again he was as chilled as ever, "Sharli, I know you're upset about Brendr-"

"What a stupid statement! Of course I'm upset, you should be too, he was _murdered!_" I exclaimed, my voice raised a tone in disbelief.

"If you'd let me finish," He continued, almost oblivious to my outburst, "But you running round demanding answers from people in no position to give them isn't going to solve anything. As I told you before, leave this mess to the people who're already up to their necks in it to deal with it."

"Fine! If you won't tell me that, tell me something else!" I said, hand on my hips resolutely.

"Ok, sure…"He replied, his expression quickly morphing back into one of blasé peace.

"Tell me about the scar on your wrist." I challenged, my jaw set. I wouldn't back down on this one; he had to tell me _something_!

He blanched. I was worried that he was going to pass out or something, but he didn't, he just spoke very quietly "H…How do you know about that? J'barri didn't tell you did he?"

I was taken aback by his sudden tameness, "No not J'barri, no he didn't tell me." I said, shaking my head "I saw it when you were, you know, out."

He looked slightly relieved, "Oh, that's good…"

"How did you get it?" I asked again, but more gentle.

"I…" He paused to collect himself "I don't really want to talk about that… it's kind of… personal…"

"Oh, come on!" I cried, frustrated by his lack of cooperation again. "You haven't told me anything about yourself! I don't even know why you came to Skyrim! You might as well be a stranger!"

"I… you're not being fair." He said, shaking his head hurriedly, and backing away from me even more quickly. "That stuff… it doesn't matter… it's in the past… at least it should be in the past…"

"Clearly it's not if you're so opposed to sharing it!" I yelled, conscious that Nalimi was seriously freaked out at this point, he was shaking like a leaf too.

"Please… Sharli… just…"He was shaking so much he'd staggered backwards and his back was leaving heavily against the pillar for support.

"You owe me an explanation! You dragged me into all this; it's time you told me why!" I shouted, aware that what I'd said was probably more exaggerated hunches than actual facts, but it still had the same effect.

"That's not true…" He shook his head again.

"Well tell me what is!"

"You first." He said, managing to calm himself enough to speak coherently.

"What?" I said, confused.

"You tell me the truth first." He said, his voice rising in volume as he became surer of what he was saying, "You expect me to tell you about stuff from my past, dredge up memories I'd prefer never saw the light of day again; you have to do the same."

"How?" I asked, unsure what it was he wanted.

"Tell me about your nightmares."

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading again! Sorry this took so long, I got a pretty bad case of writer's block over the weekend, in order for me to write this at all I had to tell myself to just sit down, write, and not move until I got out of the slump. I ended up a erasing a good portion of what I wrote, but it got me past the worst of it =) If any of you have (less stressful) ways to beat writers block, it'd be great if you could tell me =D**


	14. Chapter 14 - Burning Down The House

Chapter 14 –

"Tell me about your nightmares."

I stared at him in stunned silence for a moment, before I finally convinced my tongue to work again "H…How do you know about those?" I asked hoarsely.

"The whole college knows." Nalimi replied.

"What?!" I cried, my voice rising steadily in pitch, "How?!"

"You're not always…quiet…" He uttered, shrinking away from the death glare I was giving him.

"So you're telling me that the _whole college _knows about this and not one person though to maybe mention it to me?" I hissed, and Nalimi looked positively terrified.

"Maybe?" He suggested with a weak shoulder shrug.

"So J'barri and Estette know about this too?" I asked, feeling very betrayed.

"Kind of…" he glanced at his feet, the snow had fallen heavier than usual last night, and we were both soaked up to our ankles.

"What do you mean 'Kind of'?" I hissed, stepping closer towards him.

Nalimi flinched, "Well, err, they know that you have, err, nightmares, but they both just think you've been having too much cheese before bed…"

"You do realise that seriously doesn't make this situation any better?" I chuckled, feeling the tension drain away instantaneously.

"I know… just trying to lighten the mood." Nalimi grinned sheepishly.

I backed away slightly so that I was no longer intimidatingly close to him, and he straightened up immediately "I suppose it worked." I said.

"Especially seeing as you're no longer trying to actually kill me."

"I wasn't trying to _kill _you…" I said with a small head shake.

"Just maim me a bit, right?" He suggested jokingly.

"Maybe, I hadn't quite decided…" I trailed off, grinning evilly at Nalimi.

"Okay…" Nalimi said nervously, he looked like he wasn't sure if he should laugh or run away screaming. "Maybe we should go and get something to eat, I'm kind of hungry."

"Good idea!" I said chirpily, now that food had been mentioned, I was beginning to notice the gnawing ache of hunger in the pit of my stomach. And with _that_ I suddenly remembered I hadn't eaten since yesterday, no wonder Estette and J'barri had been so eager to get to the dining area!

"You didn't even notice how hungry you where, did you?" Nalimi correctly noted with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh, shut up and help me find a sweet-roll!"

(-)(-)(-)

After about seven sweet-rolls and the hour long nap I'd gotten when I accidently fell asleep with my face in an apple pie, I felt more refreshed than I had in a long while. Even Estette had commented how happy I looked without bags under my eyes (of course it was possible she was trying to make feel better about the chunks of pie stuck in my hair, but still, a compliment's a compliment)

As we sat in the Hall of the Elements, watching the Dunmer twins, Valithen and Tenise, practicing their alteration spells on each other (with hilarious results), I couldn't help but think about how lucky I was. Despite the number secrets being kept from me, and the number of lies I'd probably been told, the number of people willing to look out for me vastly outweighed the number trying to do me in (to the best of my knowledge anyway). Never before had I been in a position where I could honestly say I felt completely safe.

It was a nice feeling, being able to sit and chat with Nalimi, whilst watching Estette and J'barri's borderline flirtatious teasing of each other, without having to worry about how I was going to heal the bruises and scrapes my brothers would come home with, or if Neeheda had actually eaten anything instead giving all of her food to our mother.

I suppose I still had to worry about those things, but I didn't have the responsibility of trying to prevent them anymore; it was completely out of my hands.

I still had some responsibilities though; like finding out who killed Brendr. I was fairly sure that whatever was going on was intrinsically tied to the thalmor; unfortunately, I had no idea how, or why. I knew what I had to do to find out though; I had to find out what that spell was.

"You look miles away." Nalimi said, shuffling over to where I was sat with my back against the wall.

"Sorry… I was just… thinking things through." I said, my mind still engaged in the near-permanent activity of trying to detangle the endless strings of conspiracy.

"Well you're missing out on all the action, Valithen just mad Tenise think she's a chicken!" He said with a playful grin.

I laughed at that, it was kind of funny to picture the ruthless bully running round and clucking.

"That's not the best bit though, J'barri offered to help out and then he 'accidently' lengthened the time limit on the spell!"

"How long for?" I asked eagerly.

Nalimi's grin widened, "Three days!"

"J'barri's talent in illusion magic is a whole lot funnier when someone _else _is the victim!" I chuckled.

"I think J'barri just wanted to get back at Tenise for what she said to Estette." Nalimi said honestly, his eyes focused on our two friends as they continued to playfully tease Valithen, who was luckily quite good-spirited about the whole thing.

"Hey, Nalimi?" I asked, having decided that now was as good a time as any to ask him again about Aryenne's spell.

"Yeah?" He said, looking at me doubtfully.

"What's that look for!?" I exclaimed indignantly.

"I know that tone of voice; you're going to ask me something you know I can't answer, aren't you?" He said with a tired expression on his face.

"There's a big difference between 'can't' and 'won't'" I said flatly.

"Not when it comes to what _you're _asking there isn't." He replied, his tone equally as cutting as mine had been.

"Oh come one Nalimi! I am _so sick _of being the only one around here who doesn't have a clue what's going on! Please! Just tell me!" I pleaded, my voice sounding far whineier than I'd intended it to.

"I would tell you if could, but I _can't_!" He cried, exasperated.

"I don't see why!" I said stubbornly.

"Because it's dangerous! If I told you, you could get hurt, or even worse, killed!"

"If you don't tell me, so could you." I threatened, an idea forming in my head.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, confusion temporarily mitigating the heat of our argument.

"If you don't tell me what spell Aryenne was trying to cast, _I'll _tell the Arch-Mage you're a thalmor spy!" I said, finishing the last part with a smug smile.

Nalimi looked momentarily stunned, before he managed to regain some of his composure "B…but that's not true!" He cried.

"The Arch-Mage doesn't know that." I said slyly.

"There's no way she'll believe you without any proof." He stated.

"Maybe not completely, no, but the Arch-Mage never really struck me as a women willing to take chances, especially not In regards to something as important as this clearly is." I stated, my plan coming into fruition. There was no way Nalimi would be able to get out of _this_!

"You drive a hard bargain." He said, shaking his head slowly, defeat clear on his features. "Fine. I'll tell you what you want to know. But not here, there are too many people. These really aren't the sort of secrets you want being overheard."

"That's fine by me." I smiled; I was _finally _going to find out what was going on!

(-)(-)(-)

After grabbing a bag of what I could only assume where hiking supplies, Nalimi told me to wrap up warm and meet him in Winterhold. I did as he asked, but I also filled a satchel of my own with a mixture of food, warm blankets, potions, and spell scrolls, just in case we got into trouble. I knew it was likely that Nalimi hadn't considered bringing anything practical, but I'd been lost in the dessert before, and even a minor healing potion could give somebody who was seriously injured enough strength to make it to safety.

After meeting up with Nalimi outside the Frozen Hearth, he simply set out into the vast expanse of the ice dessert behind Winterhold at a brisk pace, not even bothering to check if I was keeping up. The view was stunning, but Nalimi was moving so quickly I had enough trouble staying within sight of him, and I definitely didn't have time to admire the scenery.

I tried asking him to slow down a few times, but he always answered with silence. Either he couldn't hear me over the howling wind of the blizzard, or he was upset about me blackmailing him. I was willing to bet it was the latter; I'd be upset if he'd tried to pull the same thing on me! But despite the guilt I was feeling, I was still pleased with the results. Finding Brendr's killer was far more important than Nalimi's hurt feelings, and if Nalimi didn't want me to manipulate him like that, he should have been more open in the first place!

I felt a twinge of nerves as we arrived at the edge of the mountain. Over here, the wind was even stronger, and I could imagine myself being blown over the edge by a particularly strong gust, and falling thousands of miles onto the rocky beach below. It was a terrifying thought, and one that I didn't particularly want to dwell on.

Nalimi shouted something to me, but I couldn't hear a word of what he was saying over the wind, so I shook my head and pointed to my ear to try to show I couldn't understand him. He looked slightly irritated, but then he gestured to himself, and then to the fur backpack on his back. I nodded, understanding that we were going to use whatever he had in the bag to get down of the cliff in relative safety.

Nalimi tipped the contents of his bag in the snow, and began sorting through the pile of jumbled ropes and metal trinket-thingy's without a care in the world, almost as if he hadn't noticed we were on the edge of a cliff in the middle of a blizzard so strong we could barely even hear each other. After a couple of minutes sorting, he produced two thick leather belts, with what looked a lot like leg loops dangling beneath them. He handed one to me, then stepped into his, gesturing for me to do the same.

I pulled the belt on, and then stepped through the leg loops. Nalimi then tied a heavy-duty rope around the main belt, securing it with a complicated looking knot. He looped the other end of the rope around a tall boulder (it was a very long rope), and slotted one of the metal trinkets around the rope and onto the belt contraption. He did the same thing again, only with a different rope and this time he tied it to his own belt. He gestured that we were ready to go.

I followed his example, feeding the rope through the trinket and walking slowly backwards as I did so. And it was all fine and dandy, until I realised we were at the edge of the cliff, and Nalimi walked backwards right off it.

(-)(-)(-)

Okay, so it turned out that whatever it was Nalimi did with the rope and the rock and the funny metal trinkets, actually allowed us to _walk backwards down the cliff! _ Despite the fact that I felt like I was going to fall and die at any second, I had to admit it was probably the most amazing experience of my life.

It was unnatural, people weren't supposed to just walk down cliffs, but it was amazing. I'd felt so tiny, a tiny blip on the huge surface of the cliff, nothing but a strand of rope between me and certain doom. I'd been terrified, but I couldn't stop grinning like a maniac the entire way down.

"That went surprisingly well, you were very chill for a first-timer" Nalimi said, the valley we'd arrived in was sheltered from the worst of the wind, so I could hear him quite clearly. Nalimi unclipped his own belt and left it hanging off the rope, before he came to help me out of mine.

"That was fantastic!" I grinned, the adrenaline rush left me with wobbly knees and a delirious smile painted over my face.

Nalimi laughed, "When I brought J'barri out here, he screamed like a loon the entire way down, he couldn't figure out how to work the belay device either!"

I chuckled; the image of the giant white cat screaming as he descended down the cliff side filled my mind's eye. "So is this where you go when you disappear from the college?" I asked.

"Pretty much, yeah." Nalimi smiled. He looked like a different person down here; he seemed happier, more at ease.

"I can see why you like it." I said, drinking in the sheer cliff faces, the winding river that twisted through the steep valley, and the icy sea that stretched out into forever. I was awestruck by its vastness, but also by its isolation. It would be very difficult for someone without the same equipment and skills as Nalimi to get to this place, nobody could hurt us here.

"This is the safest place I know." Nalimi said proudly, before he began walking along the beach, gesturing for me to follow him.

"Where are we going?" I asked curiously.

"There's a tent set up a little ways down the beach." He said. "There's a fire pit and some food there, so you'll have the chance to warm up a bit whilst we talk." At the mention of the conversation we'd have to have, he looked crestfallen; the magic of the valley embittered by the harsh reality of why we were there.

"Look, Nalimi, I'm sorry-"

"Don't be. You were right." He said, cutting me off.

"Right about what?" I asked, nerves pumping through my stomach again. What did he mean about me being right? He wasn't really a thalmor spy, was he?!

"Earlier, when you said I owed you an explanation for dragging you into all this. You were right. I _do _owe you an explanation." He sighed, and suddenly sat down on a large rock.

I breathed a sigh of relief, "That's good. I thought you were about to reveal your secret identity as a thalmor agent, then murder me and let my body wash out with the tide!"

He chuckled. "You've really thought this scenario through, haven't you?"

"It was a long walk!" I said in my defence.

"Whatever." He grinned.

"Now, down to business." I said, sitting on the rock next to Nalimi.

"You sound like the Arch-Mage." He pointed put dryly.

"There's a reason for that." I said with a smug smile, I'd done a lot of thinking on the way there, I knew exactly how I was going to simultaneously patch up my friendship with Nalimi (not that he seemed _too _fussed by the whole black mail thing.) and get the information I needed.

"Oh? And what's that?" He said with a raised eyebrow.

"We're going to do one of her deals, an equal exchange of information. I ask a question, you ask a question." I felt quite proud of my plan, hopefully Nalimi wouldn't feel quite so cheated this way.

"Don't most of the Arch-Mages 'deals' turn out to be cons?" He said doubtfully.

"Don't be so cynical!" I chided, "We're friends; we have a mutual bond of trust. It'll work, I promise."

"Fine. But I get to go first!" He said hesitation still prevalent in his tone.

"No way, I have nothing to hide, I get to go first." I argued, he was obviously familiar with the Arch-Mage's tricks. There was no way I'd let him do the same thing she did.

"If you say so." He shrugged.

"Okay." I took a deep breath, anticipation tingled at the pit of my stomach, this was it. I was on the brink of finding out what I needed to know. I was finally getting somewhere! "What spell was Aryenne trying to cast?"

Nalimi smiled in amusement, "I knew you were going to ask that. I suppose it couldn't hurt to tell you the basics-"

"I want the full story." I said instantly.

"Trust me, you don't. Even _I _don't completely understand the full-story, and I've had_ years _to mull it over. If you need the full story, you'll get it off someone else."

"Okay… carry on." I said apprehensively.

"Right. I suppose you've heard of the Dark Brotherhood?"

I nodded.

"And you know about the Night Mother?" He asked, this time a little more tentatively.

"Sort of… I know she's the one that knows if someone performs the black sacrament." I replied.

"Okay, so you don't know who she is then, you don't know how she became the night mother. I suppose that gives us somewhere to start." He paused for a moment, looking me deep in the eyes, before he began.

"The Night Mother was not always the mummified corpse we see today. Once, she was a mortal woman, a Dunmer to be precise, who held a position of high esteem in the Morag Tong, another assassin's guild that was very prominent in the second era. Following the assassination of a prominent political figure in Cyrodil, the Morag Tong was near enough disbanded, with only a small sect remaining open in Morrowind.

"This was when the Dunmer woman first heard the voice of Sithis. She claimed that he said he was unhappy with the Morag Tong's failure, that it was her destiny to put things right and establish a steady stream of souls to the void once more.

"This wasn't the last time she spoke with The Dread Father though; he gave her five children. Being the children of Sithis and a mortal; these children where powerful beings, with strength and skills beyond mortal comprehension by the time they'd even reached the age of two. Had they been allowed to mature, they would each have become powerful enough to rival the gods themselves.

"However, mature they did not, for when they were still only children, Sithis ordered the Dunmer woman to kill each and every one of them. Tragically, she went through with the plan, and sent her children to be with their father in the middle of the night. Outraged, the residents of the town she lived in burnt the Dunmer woman's home to the ground, slaughtering her in the process."

"That's horrible!" I gasped, too caught up in the story to care about my question being answered.

"I've not finished yet." Nalimi said solemnly, his eyes fixed firmly up the floor. "Thirty years later, a man heard the voice of the spectral Night Mother speaking in his head. Together they formed what is now known as the Dark Brotherhood, one of the most infamous organisations in all of Tamriel.

"But that's not the worst part; during the Great War, the crypt of the Night Mother and her five children was desecrated by the Thalmor, and many believe that the destruction of the children's corpses roused them from their eternal rest in the void, drew their attention to what was going on in Nirn.

"Now they are growing more powerful by the day, and there are one or two of them who are _very _interested in Tamriel at the moment. The thalmor, being the bumbling idiots they are, have figured out a way to steal the power of the children, to take advantage of their newfound interest in us mortals. And whilst it is only a fraction of their true power, you've seen first-hand what it can do."

"So that's what Aryenne was trying to achieve?" I said, my voice no louder than a whisper. "She was…" I struggled to find the right word, "enslaving these poor, dead children?" I was shocked. There was something inherently evil about what the Thalmor where trying to do. It had to be stopped; there were no two ways about it. Not only was it wrong on moral grounds, but it was also incredibly dangerous.

I knew exactly what had to be done, but I'd need the Arch-Mage's help to do it; I was going to take down the Thalmor.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry it took so long =( , and thanks for reading as always =)**

**I hope this chapter answers **_**some **_**of your questions =) Of course, I wouldn't be a very good author if I answered more than I asked, **_**especially **_**seeing as this story is no were near done yet =)**

**Thank you so much for reading, I really appreciate it, seriously, just seeing that anyone's reading this makes me really happy =) I'm especially grateful to anyone who leaves a review, they're so helpful, thank you =)**

** Oh yeah, and if anyone knows where this chapter's title comes from (without using Google) I will love you forever, because you, my friend, are simply amazing =P**

**See you next chapter!**


	15. Chapter 15 - Home

Chapter 15

Nalimi and I walked along the beach in silence, both of us engaged in our own thoughts.

The past few days had given me a lot to process, and it was almost like I could hear the individual cogs in my brain ticking away, systematically reviewing each piece of information and filing away the useful stuff whilst discarding of the rest.

Straight away, I wanted to begin speculating about the true depth and reasoning behind the thalmor's plan, but I knew it couldn't work like that. What I had to do was stop, backtrack, and carefully digest everything that had happened and everything I'd learnt recently, if I didn't I knew for a fact that everything would catch up with me sooner or later, and I'd be left hopelessly confused and without a clue what to do next.

I thought back to my initial arrival in Skyrim, remembered the first time I stepped of the cramped deck of 'The Bloody Dawn' (the crew where just as hostile as the name implies) and onto the Solitude docks. It had been a rough first week as I found myself being successively hit by a combination of both culture shock and bankruptcy, but the warmth of the people and the strength of the ale somewhat softened the blow, and I made it to Winterhold without incident.

No, it was once I arrived in Winterhold that everything started to go to Oblivion. The first night, when I stayed in the inn and met Brendr for the first time, was quite fun, but the journey to the college itself was less so. I remembered making it about halfway over the bridge before tripping over and falling of it (not one of my most graceful moments, admittedly) , only to wake up fully healed and diving straight into the hectic life of an apprentice mage.

I was lonely in that first week, Brendr and Nalimi where the closest things I had to friends, and it saddened me that I never really got to know Brendr beyond the few fire-lit meetings we had in The Frozen Hearth. For the most part though, I had a lot to catch up with (I still did, three weeks later), so I immersed myself in the names of ancient Arch-Mages and 'The Beginner's Guide to Necromantic Ethics'.

I gazed out at the ocean, it was beautiful; and endless stretch of glistening grey separating Skyrim from the exotic unknown. I stood watching the tiny dips and rises of far of waves as they travelled to the land, fixated by the small foamy crash as those same waves hit the shore, ending one journey just to begin another. This was the closest link the introverted continents of Nirn had with each other; we could all touch this sea, all smell the salt and feel the coarse breeze on our exposed faces. No matter where they were, were they came from, or how they were feeling; everyone who saw this sea was connected by a temporary bond that spanned for miles.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Nalimi said suddenly, walking up to stand beside me.

I simply nodded in response, unwilling to interrupt the steady rhythm of the ocean beating upon the sandy coast, especially with something as petty as mere speech.

We stood there for a while, just watching, side by side. We didn't say anything to each other, didn't try to make conversation; there was simply no need to. The beauty of the sea, the cliffs, and the beach was enough to hold our full attention.

I found myself wishing that Brendr could see this, and a part of me wondered if he already had. Maybe he was here now, maybe all these places people are supposed to go to when they die are just imaginary and their souls stay here on Nirn, free from mortal obligations like food and sleep, and able to wander round forever doing as they pleased, not a care in the world because they know everything will be okay in the end.

"Okay. It's my turn to ask you a question now." Nalimi said out of nowhere, pulling his ochre eyes away from the crashing waves to focus on me.

"I suppose that's fair." I grumbled, irritated by the fact that I'd been pulled away from my own internal world.

"I know you've been doing all this investigative stuff about the murder, so I was wondering…" He paused for a second, thinking, "If you had to hazard a guess, who do you _think_ killed Brendr?"

Well, that question threw me for a loop. "I haven't really thought about it…" I said honestly, trying to draw a conclusion from what little evidence I had. "I know they were most likely connected to the Thalmor, either that or Brendr was, which is highly unlikely… err, they were probably male, or an incredibly strong female. It would have taken a lot of strength to drive that scimitar straight into his chest the way they did…" I trailed off, the memory of the long blade sticking out of Brendr with his hot red blood staining the snow crimson still chilled me to the bone.

"It was probably a Redguard like me, or someone else from Hammerfell," I continued, casting the image from my mind. "It could also have been someone trying to frame me, or creep me out. I don't know _why _they'd want to do that, but the possibility exists… honestly though, I don't have the foggiest idea about who it was that killed Brendr." I sighed softly to myself. Now that everything I knew was out there, it didn't seem like very much at all. Not to mention the fact that I still felt like I was missing a huge chunk of the puzzle.

"You've really thought this through, haven't you?" He observed conversationally.

"Of course I have! Brendr deserves justice! Not to mention that something similar could very easily happen again. The Arch-Mage might be comfortable with blood on her hands, but I most certainly am not." I said heatedly, annoyed that he would even think about asking something like that.

"Okay, okay!" Nalimi said, throwing up his hands defensively, "How about we head to the tent and have something to eat _before _you completely fly of the handle and murder me?"

"Now you're just exaggerating." I said with folded arms.

"Sure…" He looked pointedly at the dagger hilt sticking out of my boot.

"That's just for protection!" I protested, "It's the only weapon I have on me at the moment, and that's pretty good considering that I _am _a Redguard. Honestly, most of my friends back home would be armed to the teeth right now!"

"Whatever." He said, shaking his head in defeat, "Come on, let's go to the tent and start a fire, you look cold."

(-)(-)(-)

The tent Nalimi had been talking about was surprisingly cosy, but difficult to find. Nalimi had erected barriers by employing a variety of creatively used ward and rune spells to keep out intruders, animals and the tide. Whilst all this meant it was safe and well-stocked most of the time, it also meant we had to tentatively prod at the magical auras of various rocks so we didn't end up accidently setting of a fire rune and blowing ourselves up.

The inside of the tent was quite nice too; the rock floor was covered by a light green fabric so dirt couldn't get in, and the tent itself was made from a waxy fabric that was highly waterproof. Instead of sleeping bags like most tents I'd seen around Skyrim, this one had an array of plush cushions and heavy fur rugs scattered over the floor, giving the whole space a friendly feel which was only accentuated by the single oil lantern, glowing merrily in the fading daylight.

I experienced an overwhelming feeling of contentment as I ducked inside behind Nalimi; this whole place felt warm and happy, there was no room for fear here, this whole beach was a place where anyone could feel at home.

"Right. I'm going to get a fire started, you should make yourself comfortable, it could take a while for it to get big enough to provide much heat." Nalimi said, dumping the bag of climbing equipment in one corner whilst fishing a couple of logs out of the other.

"Okay," I replied, slipping my bag of my aching shoulder and collapsing heavily into the biggest, fluffiest cushion I could see. "This place is really nice, but I don't see why you'd put so much effort into making a tent you only come to on your own, for a couple of hours a week."

"It's kind of like a little piece home, stuck in the middle of Skyrim." Nalimi smiled warmly, his eyes illuminated by the soft glow of nostalgia, "Back when I was living in Valenwood, we'd go on hunting trips miles away from home for weeks on end, so all our tents ended up being really comfy and filled with stuff. Admittedly back then I'd share with my older brothers, but it's still nice now, even if I am on my own most of the time."

I listened to what Nalimi said, captivated. It was nice to know that he had such strong memories of home, nice to know that he had happy recollections of childhood to draw strength from. For me, my happiest childhood memories where of my father, despite their bittersweet flavour they'd gotten me through a lot of tough times. I'd always thought it was important to have a high standard for happiness, something extremely positive to aim for in times of extreme bleakness, a deep and profound knowledge that things can, and will, get better eventually.

"That's nice." I said with a small smile.

"Well, I'm going to start the fire before it gets too dark and we end up freezing to death." He shifted the weight of the logs in his arms and ducked under the small tent flap, leaving me temporarily alone.

Now that I thought about it, I realised that I wasn't nearly as cold as I'd expected to be when first arriving in Skyrim. I suppose I was getting used to it, just like I was getting used to everything else as well. And what's more, I was beginning to feel like I belonged.

(-)(-)(-)

Somehow, Nalimi had managed to make a fire that was simultaneously the hottest and the smallest thing I'd ever seen. Of course he denied all use of magic, but I could not imagine any other way to get a fire to burn the way this one did.

Either way, I found that within five minutes I'd warmed up enough to take of the heavy fur cloaks I'd been wearing, leaving me free to eat the generously roasted pheasant on a stick without having to worry about getting anything on the infamously difficult to clean snow leopard fur.

"This tastes really good!" I told Nalimi, greedily taking another big bite of meat.

"I'm glad you like it!" He smiled warmly, "Estette won't touch anything that even resembles an animal, she says it's 'immoral'. As long as the animal's lived a good, free, life, I don't see anything wrong with hunting it."

"I completely agree with you, but if she doesn't want to eat it, she doesn't have to." I replied, although the concept of not eating meat was alien to me. Back home, it was incredibly difficult for farmers to produce a steady yield year after year. Anyone who refused to eat animals would have likely starved to death.

"My sister wanted to stop eating meat once…" Nalimi began, but trailed of suddenly, a faraway look in his eyes. "Of course, our mother didn't think it was such a good idea." He chuckled slightly at the memory.

"What happened?" I asked, curious.

"Let's just say that the neighbours had to call my father home from a hunting trip early, just to get them to calm down." He replied. Whilst taking a bite from his own meal.

"I think it was my turn to ask a question, wasn't it?" I said as a thought popped into my head.

Nalimi swallowed, "Technically you just did." He pointed out.

"Technically we agreed we wouldn't play any mind games." I argued, "Technicalities are the territory of the Arch-Mage."

"Oh come on Sharli, you don't want to start an argument _now _do you?" He complained.

"I wasn't _planning _on starting an argument." I took a bite out of the pheasant for emphasis, and proceeded to chew it slowly and deliberately.

Nalimi sighed. "Whatever, just go ahead and ask what you wanted to, don't expect not to ask you something back though."

"Okay," I could live with that, I didn't have anything to hide. He could ask me whatever he wanted and I wouldn't mind answering. Even if he did ask me something awkward, it would be worth it to sate my curiosity. I paused for a moment, I had a lot of things I wanted to ask, but I didn't want to waste any questions in case he ran out of things to ask me, leaving the deal null and void.

"Well?" He asked, sounding slightly impatient.

"Okay." I made a split second decision, hoping I wouldn't regret it later. "Why did you leave Valenwood?"

Nalimi was quiet, I knew instantly I'd hit a nerve. Here's hoping it was nerve that could offer valuable information. I don't know why I asked that question in particular, I think it was more of an instinctual thing as opposed to a calculated decision, there were certainly more obvious things I could have asked, questions that would have given me straight up answers as opposed to information that would probably prove to be useless.

"You said you'd answer whatever question I asked, that was the deal." I prompted when he still didn't say anything.

"I didn't think you'd ask something like that." He said flatly, refusing to make eye contact.

"What do you mean, 'something like that'? It's not like I'm asking for every single grizzly detail of the Arch-Mage's plans, asking your reasons for coming here is fairly inoccues in comparison to some of the other things I could have asked!" I protested, annoyed. Nalimi never told anybody anything! He couldn't exactly blame me for being curious!

"Couldn't you ask me something else?" He pleaded, finally meeting my eyes with his own sorrowful orbs.

"No." I said. Folding my arms. "I'm curious now, especially seeing as you're so reluctant to answer."

He sighed, and leaned his head in the palm of his hand, "Fine.".

"Go on then." I prompted after several seconds of silence.

He inhaled deeply, before he began to speak, "What do you know of the history between the Thalmor and the Bosmeri people?"

"Very little." I replied honestly.

"Okay, this could take longer than I thought." He chuckled slightly, but it was more an expression of tension than anything else. "A very long time ago, The Aldmeri Dominion, an alliance between the Bosmer, Altmer, and Khajit, was the dominant power in Tamriel. The Dominion's primary governing body was the Thalmor, although they were very different to the Thalmor we know today.

"After the dissolution of the Dominion by the armies of Tiber Septim, the Thalmor continued to operate in The Sommerset Isles, but this time they were farm more radical than their previous incarnations. Throughout the fourth era though, they have regained some of their prestige, becoming almost as powerful as they were originally.

"When they invaded Valenwood, it didn't take them long to defeat the empire and secure it for themselves, driving out any Imperial sympathisers.

"In 4E 183, a small group of Bosmer formed the 'Bosmeri Independence Militia' after becoming tired of the Thalmor's oppressive reign. Their goal was to amass an army big enough to drive the Thalmor out of Valenwood permanently. Both of my parents and my older brothers joined the Militia in 4E 186 after they heard about the Thalmor purges that had been going on." He stopped suddenly, and I had a feeling the next part of this story would be the most difficult for him to tell. Up until now he'd just been rattling of unrelated background information, the next part was probably more personal.

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply before continuing. "In 4E 191, the Thalmor… the Thalmor came to the village my family was living in and…" He trailed off, "I'm sorry Sharli, I don't think I can tell you anymore." He said quietly.

"Keep going, you're doing great." I encouraged, curiosity burning me from within. What had the Thalmor done? How did that lead to Nalimi leaving Valenwood?

"The Thalmor knew of my family's ties to the Militia…" His eyes were focused intently upon the fire, the crackling flames were reflected by his dark eyes as the sky behind him finished its gradual transition from grey, to amber, to black. "In the middle of the night, they broke into our house and tied us all up. They… they held knives to me and my sibling's throats…they told our parents that If they didn't tell them everything they knew about the Militia, they'd kill all of us in front of them. They killed my two brothers before my parents told them anything…and then… and then…" He stopped again.

"And then?" I said gently, inviting him to tell me more, even though I could tell exactly what was coming next.

"After that, they decided that simply killing us wasn't going to make them talk…so…" He screwed his eyes shut, grinding the heels of his palms into his closed eyelids. "I tried _so hard _not to cry…or scream… or anything really… my sister did too… but I couldn't, I… I…"

"You don't have to keep going…" I interjected, shocked by the brutality of the Thalmor. I'd been expecting something bad, but not _this _bad. I remembered Nalimi telling me he was eleven when he left Valenwood, he never said how old his sister was, but I doubted she was much older than he was. How could the Thalmor do something like that? To a _child_?

Nalimi removed his hands from his face, revealing watery tracks down his cheeks that glinted in the firelight. He continued the story, "After that… my parents told them everything they wanted to know, but… the Thalmor killed them anyway. They were going to kill me and my sister too, but they had a mage with them. He said that we would be 'useful', so they let us live.

"We were essentially slaves to the Thalmor, but me and my sister didn't really care, we were just glad that we still had each other, we were twins so we were naturally very close, at that time we couldn't even comprehend life without each other.

"The Thalmor kept us in Valenwood for two more years. We travelled with them as they took down every known member of the Militia, cooked and cleaned for them whilst they systematically slaughtered everything our parents had stood for. After two years had elapsed, the mage took us and about thirty other children on a boat to Skyrim. And that's why I left Valenwood."

We sat in silence, I was still trying to process everything he'd said. What the Thalmor had done was truly evil, but I couldn't focus on that right now. For one, Nalimi had only told me how he got to Skyrim, not what happened whilst he was here. To the best of knowledge, that story left a whole twelve years unaccounted for (even though that was the deal). There was also the fact that he may he may have given away more than he intended, and there was a great deal I could infer from what he'd told me.

Although that wasn't the most important thing either.

"It was very brave of you to tell me all that." I said quietly to Nalimi, who was bent double with his head and his folded arms resting on his knees.

"It's not like I had a choice." He mumbled.

I gave an obligatory chuckle at his crude attempt at humour, "Do you want to head back to the college? It's getting pretty late." I asked, casting a glance at the dwindling fire.

"Sure." He replied.

We both stood up and pulled our cloaks on, before retrieving our bags from the tent. Nalimi stamped the fire out, crushing the fragile structure of charcoal and embers under the heel of his boot.

And then, we walked through the snowy darkness with one destination in mind; home.

* * *

**A/N: YAY CHAPTER 15!**

**Thank you for reading, and I'm so sorry it took so long, I've been really super busy this week (I think my teachers are going for the 'death by homework' class size reduction method) I'm going to start working on the next chapter now, while I actually have time, so hopefully the next one won't take so long =)**


	16. Chapter 16 - This Means War

Chapter 16 –

The first thing I did the morning after me and Nalimi's trip to the beach was head up to the Arch-Mage's quarters. Unfortunately, Tolfdir said that she'd be busy for most of the day, and I'd have to come back later on if I wanted to speak with her. Seeing as the only lecture I had that day was Colette's 'Practical Applications of Adept Level Restoration Techniques', and even that was around four or five O'clock, I decided to (finally) get round to learning how to cast wards.

So, after heading up to the Arcaneum and grabbing an armful of spell tomes and theory books, I made my way down into the Hall of the Elements.

I smiled as I was greeted by the total silence of the hall. Although they would never admit it, most college mages where inherently lazy (well, not so much lazy as completely sleep deprived from staying up till midnight trying to perfect a variety of spells) , meaning I had the massive room all to myself for a good few hours at least. This way, nobody would be around to see me completely mess up my first few attempts.

The books made a muffled thump as I dumped them on the stone floor, and the sound echoed blissfully. I felt positive as I sorted through them, trying to find the book I wanted; I had a good feeling about today, and I was certain that I'd manage to get quite a lot done.

Once I'd found the book I needed, I sat on the floor next to the stack of books and leaned my back against a stone pillar. I flicked through the book idly, relishing the feel of the crisp paper beneath my fingers and the beautifully drawn arcane diagrams. The book itself wasn't particularly special, just a manual on how to operate the various magical power wells around the college, but the peace and quiet made it so much more enjoyable.

And then I heard the sobbing.

My first instinct was to yell at the perpetrator to shut up, but I stopped myself upon the almost instant realisation that that probably wasn't the most sensitive approach to regaining the quiet atmosphere of the hall. My second instinct (and the one I actually paid attention to), was to find whoever it was that was crying, and find out why they were so upset and what I could do to help.

"Hello?" I called, standing up slowly and quickly surveying the hall for any signs of movement.

There was no reply, obviously.

"Hello?" I called again, walking further into the hall so I would have a better chance at locating the person. "Are you okay?"

The sobbing increased in volume, but then grew muffled. I walked slowly towards a pillar on the far left of the room, where I felt certain the noise was coming from.

Unsurprisingly, I found a figure, slumped in the corner wearing a long dark cloak. I crouched down, directly opposite them and asked again, "Are you okay?"

"Leave me alone!" The figure managed to choke out between sniffles, and whilst I could tell that they were most likely female, their identity was otherwise indiscernible.

"If you tell me why you're so upset, I could help you." I offered, for no reason other than curiosity, and maybe because her so-far headstrong attitude reminded me a little bit of my sister, Neeheda.

"I don't want you to help me! Go away!" She cried, and as she did so, a lock of pitch black hair slipped out from beneath her hood.

I decided to go with a slightly catty method of getting her to tell me what the problem was, "Fine. If you don't want me to help you, shut up, you're disturbing my practice."

The figure snorted, "I should've known better than to expect anything other than hatred from you Sharli."

I was momentarily confused by her sudden change in attitude, until she accidently jerked her head a bit too violently, allowing the oversized hood to fall away and reveal her face.

"Tenise?!" I gasped, astounded. I was shocked, I didn't know Tenise all that well, but she'd never seemed the type to turn up in the Hall of the Elements at six in the morning wearing an enigmatic travel cloak with red-rimmed eyes.

"Yeah, that's me. The b…bullying moron who…who can't even keep her own brother safe!" She dissolved into tears again, and I couldn't help but feel sympathetic, despite what she said to Estette.

"What do you mean when you say you couldn't keep your brother safe?" I asked, despite my own personal feelings towards Tenise and her predicament, it sounded like Valithen might be in serious trouble and I had a responsibility as a decent human being to try and help him out.

"I told Gran that I… I'd keep him out of trouble, but… but…" Her whole body was wracked by a fresh round of sobs, preventing her from finishing her sentence.

"Is Valithen in trouble?" I asked, this time more directly.

"I…I…don't know… " She took a deep breath, trying to regain her composure, but she just ended up crying even harder. In the end she settled for a timid nod.

"How is he in trouble Tenise? Is he hurt? Sick? About to be brutally murdered by Argonian mobsters?" I pressed, trying to get as much information as I could. The Arch-Mage would _have _to make time for me now!

"Not…Not the third one." She chuckled, "He's not directly in trouble per se-"

"What do you mean?" I asked, cutting her off.

She looked mildly irritated, but continued anyway, "When I woke up this morning, I went to the dining room where we always meet for breakfast, but he wasn't there. I went to his room, but he wasn't there either, I couldn't find him anywhere. He just disappeared, no note, no explanation, just gone."

I looked at her doubtfully, "Do you not think it's possible he just went into Winterhold for a drink or something?" I asked.

She shook her head vigorously, "Valithen's nice, not like me. He wouldn't stand me up; he'd say where he was going first."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!" She insisted.

"Okay… well… maybe we could ask Tolfdir if he's seen him?"

(-)(-)(-)

Tolfdir hadn't seen Valithen, nor had anybody else, and by midday, several search parties had been sent out upon Tenise's insistence. I was in a group with J'barri, Nalimi and Estette, which I was quite happy about, despite the fact that we weren't supposed to leave Winterhold and we had to report back to Tolfdir every half hour.

When we still didn't find Valithen after five hours of trudging around in the snow, the Arch-Mage called in a favour with the local Jarl in order to get the guards to help us with the search. The groups of mages split up so there where now two mages paired with two guards. I ended up with Estette and a couple of guards who just grunted through their helmets whenever we tried to ask for their names.

By this point, most of us had realised we were probably searching for a body. According to the messenger's that had been coming in and out of the college all day, Valithen had not been seen in any of the other holds, meaning he was either very good at hiding, or dead. Estette still tried to remain positive though, as we trudged through the now knee height snow behind the two wordless guards,

"He might have got lost out in the ice desert behind the main town; he could still be alive and just wandering round trying to find his way back." She suggested cheerily, despite the chattering of her own teeth.

I pulled my own cloak a little tighter, "Trust me, if he was lost out there, he'd be long gone by now."

"Maybe he started a fire?" She proposed.

"In the middle of a snowstorm? Fat chance." I replied cynically.

"I bet he's in a cave right now, probably eating roasted mud crab or something." She said with her arms folded defiantly.

"I suppose that's possible, but I didn't know there _were _any caves round here." I heard my stomach rumble conspicuously. We'd been out for so long the idea of warmth was distant memory, and roasted mud crab actually sounded quite appetizing.

"There isn't…" Estette tailed off, doubtless thinking of some kind of insane circumstances under which Valithen could have survived in this weather.

I, on the other hand, was considering other ways in which Valithen may have met his demise. Especially seeing as I hadn't seen the Arch-Mage out here once today. It was perfectly plausible she was co-ordinating the search, or even comforting the previously inconsolable Tenise, but I doubted it. The Arch-Mage had her fingers in a lot of pies, and I wouldn't put it past her to know exactly where Valithen was and maybe even why he'd disappeared.

Suddenly, the sound of heavy breathing and rushed footsteps came up behind us. Me and Estette both turned round, defensive spells crackling at our fingertips, ready for use at a moment's notice.

We both felt pretty foolish when we saw it was just Nalimi.

"By the eight, do I _look _like a bandit to you!?" He exclaimed, stopping dead and nearly slipping over on the densely packed snow.

"Sorry, you where loud, and it's dark, we were just being careful." Estette explained hurriedly, extinguishing the flame spell in her hands as she did so.

"Where's J'barri? And the guards?" I interjected.

"J'barri's back at the college and the guards are with him. They're…getting the Arch-Mage." Nalimi desperately tried to avoid making eye contact as he spoke, but eventually our brown eyes met, and the expression in his, quite frankly, scared me.

"You found him, didn't you?" I guessed.

Nalimi nodded, "Yeah, we found him…"

"Is he okay?" Estette asked hopefully, still clinging to the idea that Valithen had somehow survived.

"He…err…" Nalimi began, but I interrupted.

"He's dead." I said quietly, glancing at Nalimi for confirmation. He nodded. When I looked at Estette, there were tears in her eyes.

"How?" She directed her question towards Nalimi.

"You're probably better off asking J'barri tha-"

"No, I want you to tell me." She said resolutely, "How did Valithen die?"

Nalimi looked at me desperately for an escape, I just shrugged. To be totally honest, I wanted to know what killed Valithen too, although I had a sneaking suspicion I already knew.

When Nalimi still didn't answer, Estette tried a different question, "Where did you find him?"

Nalimi didn't look like he wanted to reply to that either.

"Look," He began, "I was only supposed to tell you that they'd found him so you should head back to the college. I need to tell the other search teams as well, so please, just go home."

Estette sighed "Fine. We'll find out what happened to Valithen there, won't we?"

Nalimi nodded again, "Of course you will, just ask J'barri."

"Okay. Well, bye I suppose…" Estette said, waving feebly then walking back in the direction of the college. I was about to follow her, but then I stopped.

"Hey, Nalimi," I asked.

He turned round, "Yeah?"

"Are you, you know, okay?" I queried tentatively.

"I'm fine… why?" He looked curious.

"Well… you did just, you know, discover the dead body of one our fellow apprentices. I'd be surprised if you weren't just a _bit _shaken…" I looked at the ground awkwardly, feeling kind of stupid all of a sudden.

"I'm fine." He said with a soft smile that didn't reach his eyes (but then again, they never did), "Are _you _okay?" He asked in turn.

"I'm great, but I do happen to have the added advantage of not having just discovered any fresh corpses." I remarked light-heartedly.

"I suppose that would put a damper on most people's days…"

"Not yours though?"

"Not mine." He grinned widely, showing off a full set of fairly decent teeth.

"I never noticed before, but you have surprisingly good teeth for a former cannibal." I joked.

"You're not planning on letting the whole cannibal thing go, are you?" He questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"It's not exactly a little thing, secret crocheting I could live with, cannibalism? Not so much…" I folded my arms and pretended to look serious, but I couldn't keep up the façade for long and ended up in fits of giggles.

Nalimi just shook his head, "I need to get going, there're seven more search teams I need to tell about…yeah." He waved a turned round, departing as suddenly as he'd arrived and leaving me standing there alone.

And then I realised that Valithen really _was _dead, and I felt like I'd been smacked in the face by a ton of bricks.

(-)(-)(-)

The best way to describe the situation at the college was pandemonium. Tenise's bitter sobs could be heard echoing throughout the stone walls, the younger mages (myself included) were completely freaking out, the more experienced mages looked ready to attack just about anyone they didn't recognise immediately, and that wasn't even touching upon the fact that, since the Arch-Mage got the Jarl involved, the whole place was teeming with guards.

Around seven O'clock, the whole college was called to the Hall of the Elements, apparently the Arch-Mage wanted to make an announcement, but after it turned eight, everybody was starting to feel a bit skeptical.

"I wonder if she's _ever _going to get here." I groaned to J'barri, shifting my weight from my left foot to my right for what was probably the hundredth time.

"This One would not make any bets on it; the Arch-Mage is not renowned for her punctuality." He replied through a barely supressed yawn.

"Why are we even here?!" I complained, trying to relieve the constant ache in my feet by standing on my tiptoes. It didn't work.

"The whole college is here, Sand Walker." He replied tiredly.

"No they're not, Nalimi and Estette are missing." I said almost immediately, despite the fact that I'd only just noticed our absentee friends.

"This one does not have a clue where Knife-ears have gotten to this time round, but Goldilocks is helping contact the chicken lady's grandmother." He informed me.

"Why would Estette be doing that?" I asked curiously, as far as I knew Estette didn't know Tenise's grandmother, and not only that, she hated Tenise's guts!

"She is surprisingly gifted in the art of getting people and words from one location to another. If Estette's on the job, the Chicken Lady's granny will be here by tomorrow morning at the latest." He said, sounding oddly proud.

"I didn't know Estette could, well, stand Tenise. Why is she helping her?" I asked, confusion dominating my tone.

"Because it is the right thing to do."

I fell silent at that. It was such a simple, pure statement there was no way I could reply to it. It shocked me that J'barri would express something so…sweet. I could tell he'd been spending time with Estette. I didn't have the chance to think about it much more than that though, because at that moment, the Arch-Mage arrived and cleared her throat loudly to attract attention.

She walked slowly to the centre of the room, flanked on either side by Faralda and Tolfdir.

"Good Evening to you all; and thank you for coming." She said loudly, in a voice so impersonal it actually made me feel quite frightened. "I apologise for being so late, but you must understand that this is an incredibly busy time. There are many arrangements to be made.

"Now, I realise that you're all probably quite tired, so I'll keep it brief; I'm sure you're all aware of the great tragedy that has recently befallen this college?" There were a few muffled grunts, "Well, I'd like to tell you personally exactly what happened.

"This morning, one of our own was murdered in cold blood." There was a collective gasp from the crowd. We'd all had our suspicions, but it felt truly awful to have them be confirmed. "Now I know that because of this, you are probably all frightened, and sad, and confused as to why somebody would do such a terrible thing to someone so…young and full of promise. And although I cannot answer all your questions, there is one thing I can assure you; whoever did this is evil, and no matter what, we will not rest until we see justice done." She stopped, seemingly finished. Her eyes surveyed the room, gauging the audience's reaction.

And then someone shouted out, "Who killed the guy?!"

The Arch-Mage smiled, and there was something about that expression that made my stomach churn, "We do not know for certain, but we believe the Thalmor where involved."

The crowd was silent, stunned by her easy admittance of who she thought the culprit was.

"What are we going to do about it?" Someone else called, breaking the quiet.

The Arch-Mage's smile widened considerably, "I'm glad you asked that, because at some point in the coming weeks, we, my fellow mages, are going to war."

Once more, there was complete, utter, shocked silence. And then somebody started clapping, loud and hollow the sound echoed throughout the stillness of the hall. Until somebody else joined, and somebody else, and somebody else, until eventually, everyone was clapping and cheering and generally expressing happiness an excitement at the Arch-Mage's solemn declaration.

I, on the other hand, was not so easily fooled. I stood there, my face twisted into a frown, refusing to join in the applause. I felt sick to my stomach. She was using this…this tragedy to further her own selfish goals, and it disgusted me. I didn't know what exactly it was she was up to, but I'd figure it out eventually. And when I did, there would be nothing standing between me and the justice both Brendr and Valithen deserved.

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**A/N: Thanks for reading =) ****I know I wanted to say something in this author's note, but I totally forgot what it was =( Oh well, it'll come to me =) I really appreciate reviews, so don't be afraid to leave one, even if it is just tell me you hated this story and wish you'd never read it =)  
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** Oh, and sorry for the kind of depressing nature of the last few chapters, it'll get happier eventually! I promise! =P**


	17. Chapter 17 - Sweet Dreams

Chapter - 17

_I fell, through the cloying darkness of sleep, down into the coldest and most unwelcoming depths of my own mind. It took me only second to realise that I was stuck in another dream, and after that it wasn't long before I figured out the reasoning behind the unusual lucidity of this particular foray into unconsciousness. _

"_Hello, sister." It was the voice, the same one I'd dreamed about after Aryenne's death. Not that I hadn't been expecting it. This dream was almost exactly like that one, except this time I came armed with information and a better understanding of the circumstances of our meeting._

"_Why do you call me that?" I asked in response. I was sick of being messed around; it was time to play some games of my own._

"_Call you what?" The voice's serene and unshakable tone chilled me to the bone, but I couldn't let it get to me, I needed to focus. This was my dream, I was in control. _

"_You know what." I said firmly._

"_Do not assume that just because we currently reside in your mind, that you have any semblance of control over our current situation. I have just as much power here as you do." The voice took on a gloating tone that made my skin crawl, but still, just because it said something it didn't necessarily mean it was true._

"_This is my dream, I call the shots!" I cried, but strangely enough, my own voice was barely more than whisper._

"_It would serve you well to not be so presumptuous!" The voice's thundering baritone resonated throughout every fibre of my being, shook the very foundations of my existence to their core, "You are nought but a mere mortal! A tool to do with as I see fit!" _

"_Did you actually want something, or did you just come here to tell me how pathetic I am?" I asked bluntly, trying to come across as more irritated than terrified. _

_The voice made a sound akin to a slow, mournful sigh, "Forgive me sister, I have been locked away for so long it just feels good to, metaphorically of course, stretch my legs."_

"_That's okay… but could you please just tell me what you want? I'd like to wake up soon if you don't mind; this whole 'crushing-black-depths-of-the-soul' place is starting to feel kind of claustrophobic…" I winced in anticipation of the murderous anger that would surely follow my request for information of any kind, but surprisingly all I heard was a slight chuckle._

"_I'd forgotten how little patience you mortals have, my mother was just the same. Very well, I'll get to the point. I came here to warn you." The voice's tone never changed, it was obvious that we were talking business now. I could not expect to receive the warning for free. From here on out I'd have to tread very carefully._

"_Warn me about what?" I asked tentatively._

"_In the coming days, one of your number will meet an untimely demise if you do not intervene." The voice sounded solemn, but its words held little weight._

"_If you're talking about Valithen, that ship has already sailed, literally. His sister and Grandmother took his body back to Solstheim two days ago." I said as candidly as I could. Valithen's death still saddened me, but I hadn't really known him all that well so I was in a much better position to view the situation logically, better prepared to view the more profound implications of his murder, such as the Arch-Mage's sudden declaration of war, and the increase in college security. _

"_Whilst tragic, the death of the Dunmer boy is not what I am referring to, sister. His death did not generate enough energy to draw my attention-"_

"_What do you mean by energy?" I asked, cutting the voice off; which admittedly probably wasn't the best idea._

"_Don't interrupt me, sister. We may be kin, but I am not above slaughtering you. You are only useful so long as you don't fray my nerves." The voice reprimanded coldly, "And as for your question, by energy I am referring to the strength of the passageway that opens up between the mortal plain and the various afterlives upon a person's death. Various factors contribute to the energy of a person's death, first and foremost is the amount of time they spend dwelling upon it, and second is the amount of agony involved. Another thing that contributes to the amount of death energy generated is a person's will to live, mortal creatures who do not wish to die can diminish their death energy somewhat, it is a concept similar to the way grabbing onto the rocks will slow your inevitable fall down the cliffs."_

"_That's a, err… cheerful thought…" I said awkwardly, trying to slot the pieces together, but still utterly failing to see why this death energy thing even mattered. So what if someone had high death energy? Why did the voice care?_

"_And in answer to your unspoken question, death energy is important in determining which afterlife a soul is sent to. Those with high death energy will be able to have their choice of afterlife; anyone with extremely low death energy will plummet straight to the void." The voice explained._

"_But I still don't get why you care so much about this person's death energy?" I said, completely confused as to what the motive of the voice might be._

"_I don't care, but you should, unless you're totally heartless. This is the slow, painful, and completely preventable death of someone you know and may even be close too. I just thought you might like a warning, I know I would." The voice's tone suddenly became disinterested, and I couldn't help but wonder why it/she/he even bothered talking to me in the first place. I didn't care about some stranger's high death energy, what I cared about was getting to the bottom of this mess._

"_Fine. If I see someone collapsed in agony on the street, I'll be sure to say 'hi'." I said irritated._

"_If I were you, I would not be dismissive, but you do have the freedom to do as you please. I will not pressure you to act, but I do recommend you keep your wits about you, and watch out for signs of trouble. Times are changing faster than you can think, and if you're not ready, you will simply be brushed under the rug as if you were never there at all." _

_I was about to say something, but I found myself unable to speak. The landscape was shifting and warping, growing and mutating. I could feel the pressure of this fragile dimension of reality building and swelling, ready to buckle at a moment's notice. The dream was ending, my brain preparing to wake up. Soon the entire conversation would be nothing but an unpleasant memory, a fading thought at the back of my mind. _

_But still, there was something off about what the voice said, something that made me doubt my original apathy. My father would have called it a warrior's instinct; my mother would have said it was a message from the gods. Either way, it was telling me to take heed of what was said, because in the coming weeks the foundations of my comfortable reality would surely be shaken to their core._

(-)(-)(-)

It had been three days since the dream, and seeing as nothing had happened yet, I decided to disregard the whole thing as a load of hokum. It was Tirdas evening, and I was walking through the freshly fallen snow to the Arcaneum to return some books after a day's intense study. Normal lessons would be starting up again the next day, and I was glad to say I'd finally caught up with the rest of the class (or what was left of it, at least).

The one thing that I was still struggling with however, was restoration. I was fine with the other schools, especially conjuration where I excelled, but I just didn't understand how to get healing spells and wards. I'd studied every book in the Arcaneum, and even Colette had given up on me, dismissing me as a lost cause. I didn't particularly want to ask Nalimi either, ever since Valithen died he'd been distant, and I'd barely even seen him.

I yawned, fatigue pulling on my eyelids. I'd barely slept, I'd been having sporadic nightmares again, and I didn't wish to spend more time in the dream world than was absolutely necessary. I shivered slightly, and pulled my cloak tightly around my shoulders. Thoughts of the pale faces and pained screams that haunted my dreams always set me on edge; hopefully it wouldn't be long before I banished them from my mind completely. My focus was firmly set on the future, despite the allures of the past.

I shifted my books under one arm, and then pushed open the heavy door to the Hall of The Elements. A rush of warm air hit my cold, numb face. I smiled, letting the overwhelming heat seep into pores and heat my body to the core. I loved this room, it was so warm!

I dumped the books in a pile on the floor and leaned against the wall, giving myself a moment to catch my breath before heading up the steep stairs. To be honest I was disappointed with myself; I'd really fallen out of shape since arriving the college, I got out of breath after a short hike, and my muscles where losing some of their tone. I made a mental note to start some kind of training regime, it always paid to be able to hold your own in a physical battle, regardless of whether you were a mage or not.

I was about to get going again, when Estette and J'barri walked came down the stairs, talking loudly and laughing without a care in the world.

"Hi Sharli!" Estette smiled broadly when she noticed me, not that it made much difference, she was practically glowing with happiness anyway.

"Hi…" I replied awkwardly, shifting my weight so I was standing up straight, "You seem oddly chipper today."

Estette and J'barri exchanged a quick glance and a cheeky smile before the Khajit spoke, "We just had a particularly, ah, productive practice session on the roof."

I raised an eyebrow, and Estette's pale cheeks flushed crimson.

"It wasn't anything like that!" She explained hurriedly, "By 'productive', J'barri simply meant that he managed to teach me how to cast an invisibility spell!"

I nodded slowly, "Suuure, I believe you."

"It's true!" She cried, her voice rising, not one, but three whole octaves higher than its usual pitch, "I can show you! Look!" She then proceeded to close her eyes in concentration, and summon a glowing green orb that stayed in her hand for all of half a second.

"Keep working at it." I advised with a low chuckle.

"You're one to talk, Mrs. 'I Can't even cast a basic ward spell'!" Estette said, before trying to cast the invisibility spell again, and failing. She threw her arms up in the air, "You know what? I give up! Who needs to be invisible anyway? I can just fireball the face of anyone who disagrees with me!"

"This One thinks Goldilocks should maybe avoid a future career in politics…" J'barri interjected coyly.

"I agree." I added resolutely, trying not to flinch under Estette's murderous glare.

"Good to know you all have so much faith in me!" She remarked sarcastically, "I wasn't planning on being a politician anyway, too many strangers…" She visibly shuddered.

"Good to know. By the way, have either of you two seen Nalimi recently?" I asked, letting some of my worry come through in my tone. I hadn't seen him since yesterday, and even then it had just been a quick hello before he said he had to go and finish of some research he was helping Colette with.

"No, neither of us has seen Knife-Ears recently. Truth be told, this one is rather worried, he is being more reclusive than normal." J'barri scratched his whiskers thoughtfully.

"He probably just needs a break; it's been a rough week for all of us." Estette added.

"_Every week _is a rough week round here." I pointed out, trying to ignore the doubt scratching at the corners of my mind, trying to forget about the foreboding warning delivered by the voice in the dream.

"True…" Estette tucked a strand of golden hair behind her ear pensively, her eyebrows furrowed in thought. We were all silent for a moment, mulling over the infinite possibilities in our head, before systematically discarding each one in the interest of not worrying ourselves to an early grave.

"I suppose I better go." I said suddenly, gesturing to the stack of books on the floor.

"Oh, yeah sure." Estette said with a tight lipped smile.

"See you soon Sand walker." J'barri added, giving me a small wave which I returned, before heading towards the Arcaneum with my books under my arm.

I only glanced back once, but what I saw warmed my heart; Estette and J'barri where holding hands.

* * *

**A/N: I am so sorry for the super late update! It's just I've been to about about fifteen different college open days _this week _and I've barely had time to sit down and write, damn my moronic desire to do a maths A-Level, I don't even like maths that much! (okay, that's a lie, I _love _maths really! Is that weird? I think it might be...) So again, sorry for the late update =( Next one should be sooner! Hopefully! =D **

** Thanks for reading, reviews are greatly appreciated =)**


	18. Chapter 18 - The Knife's Edge

**Warning: This chapter is a lot darker than some of the others, so don't read it if you get upset really easily. Also, towards the very end (and I'm talking last couple of paragraphs) there is a scene some readers may find to be mildly triggering, so be careful!**

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Chapter – 18

_Splinters of heat pierced my skin as I padded barefoot through the crowded market place. Grime and dust stuck to the sweat on my face, but I wiped it away, I couldn't let something as superficial as a bit of discomfort get in the way of my work._

_I stopped at a fruit stand, pretending to examine a plump green apple. Although whilst I was distracting the shop owner with small talk, my little sister, Gircin, was covertly slipping two oranges, a small handful of grapes and fresh tomato into the deep pockets of her long blue tunic. After Gircin's hands where clear I made my excuses, pulled her closer towards me, and set off down the street again._

_In all honesty, I hadn't wanted to bring Gircin; she had unusually fair skin that burnt quickly and painfully if not covered up, and her weak constitution meant that she was frequently too ill to walk for very long so we had to take lot of breaks. But I couldn't leave her alone with our mother who was still stuck in the throes of heartbreak after our father's death, and I couldn't send her to school like Neheeda and the boys because, at just four years old, she was still far too young._

_I didn't have time to dwell though, because I'd just spotted our next target. I subtly pointed him out to Gircin; He was a tall fat man, laden in gold chains and fine coloured silks, the pinkness of his bald scalp was a big plus as well, suggesting that he was probably a traveller and likely possessed every ounce of the naivety associated with the rich._

_Gircin and I began to walk faster, ignoring the pain in our feet as the rocks on the floor jabbed harshly into our bare soles. We trailed him for a while, watching his habits and mannerisms closely, assessing the best way to get in and out of his cash-lined pockets quickly and undetected. _

_After a few minutes, I broke contact with Gircin, giving her a discreet nod as I did so. I felt a pang of guilt as she melted into the crowd as effortlessly as if she where a ghost. It was my fault that she could do that, my fault she'd been forced to learn and develop new skills no average child should even have to think about. But despite all that, Gircin was probably the best pickpocket I'd ever met._

_Now it was my turn. I closed my eyes, taking a second to get into roll, before approaching the man. I jogged up, feigning breathlessness and forcing tears._

"_Please sir," I gasped, tugging desperately on the hem of his long silk robe, "Please, I…I lost my mother! I can't find her anywhere!" _

_He turned round to face me, his movements where slow and measured, but not in the way a nobleman's would have been; more like the calculated steps of someone who knows how to handle themselves, someone who has everything they could possibly want and is ready to fight tooth and nail so that they stay that way._

"_What do you want, girl." He snarled, looking down at me from above. A droplet of salty sweat rolled along the bridge of his nose, pooling at the tip then dripping down onto my forehead. I cringed, but didn't move._

"_Please help me find my mother." I cried, coaxing more fake tears to the surface and tightening my grip on his robe._

"_Go away!" He said, loudly, drawing a few glances from passers-by. My dislike for this man was growing greater every second, but it didn't matter much. Gircin was right behind him getting ready to dip into his pockets. He'd get his comeuppance soon._

"_Please!" I was outright sobbing now, if anything, I was rather pleased by my performance. Luckily I didn't have long to go, Gircin had nearly done what we set out to do. She grinned widely, her messy black hair flopping in front of her eyes as she triumphantly pocketed what looked like a ruby and four gold coins._

_And then she screamed. _

_I could only watch in paralyzed horror as she staggered backwards, eyes wide and wild with pain, jaw locked open in a demented howl of agony. I couldn't figure out what the problem was at first, until I noticed the handle of an intricately carved dagger protruding from stomach and saw the red stain seeping into the fabric of her powder blue clothes._

_She collapsed, a small cloud of sand billowed upwards upon impact. She wasn't screaming anymore, just mouthing silent gibberish and allowing salty tears to run rivers down her face. _

_I rushed forward to help, the man momentarily forgotten. At least, he was forgotten until I felt a meaty hand clamp down upon my shoulder, stopping me from helping my sister. I struggled to hold back tears of my own as my nose was flooded with the scent of bitter copper and alcohol, and I felt a grizzled mane brush against my ear._

"_You kids think you can get away with anything, just 'cos you're cute." He growled at a volume only I could hear, "Well let me tell you one thing," A clammy palm gripped my neck,"You can't pull this con forever. There comes a time when you stop being 'adorable' and 'sweet' and start being filthy cretins picked out of the gutter on a Fredas night." _

_I could barely breathe now, but he still didn't let go, even when the tears spilled over the edges of my eyes and fell down my face onto the hand he had wrapped around my neck._

"_We have a word for people like you in Riften," The hand loosened suddenly then turned into a jab to the stomach that had me gasping for breath on the floor, "Scum." He spat, before turning to walk off._

"_W…Wait!" I managed to choke, my eyes flickering to Gircin's pale form, lying trembling on the ground next to me._

"_Yes?" The man turned around, his piggy eyes narrowed in mild irritation._

"_You…You didn't honestly think…" I groaned, somehow staggering to my feet, meeting his glare with my own, "You didn't honestly think…I'd let you get away…With hurting my little sister?"_

_Flames crackled to life at my fingertips, seconds later, the carnage began._

(-)(-)(-)

I jolted awake, my breath coming to me in ragged gasps. It was still night time, and the sound of my pounding heart mingled conspicuously with the gentle snores of the college's other inhabitants. I tried to calm myself by taking deep breaths, but it wasn't working; now that the once-stagnant pool had been stirred, vicious memories were swarming just beneath my subconscious, fighting to be watched over and over and over again. I tried to push them back, but the thoughts just kept coming, threatening to overwhelm me.

I untangled myself from the twisted bed sheets, and then rolled over to collapse on the cold stone floor. I should have been freezing, I usually was on nights like this, but adrenaline left me no room to be cold. I lay there for a second, trying to ignore the prickles of discomfort brought about by the sweat soaked night dress clinging to my skin and the exhausted ache in my chest.

I doubted I looked very dignified, sprawled on the floor like I was; I probably looked more like a fish who'd just been dumped on the deck of a ship, counting down the seconds to the end of its life. I dispelled that thought immediately, but that just made room for darker images, like the glassy eyed death stare of the four-year-old-Gircin, or the fact that the first spell I ever cast had been used to kill a man.

An experience like mine would probably have been enough to put someone off magic for life, I knew that if the same thing were to happen now, I would probably never go near a spell tome again, but to my twelve year old self, all it felt like was power. I'd been happy, wracked with guilt and grief because my sister had just died, but still happy. I could finally defend myself, I had something which could give me an advantage over everyone else, and I'd be damned if I wasn't going to use it.

I pulled myself into a sitting position, my heart finally beating at a reasonable pace. Despite having calmed down significantly though, the adrenaline coursing through my system meant that sleep was out of the question. I glanced at the sky through the window; it wasn't snowing very much so it was clear enough to see the sky was pure black, which meant I had a good few hours to kill before morning.

The thought weighed heavily on my mind. I was terrible at occupying myself, I'd been around lots of people my entire life and there'd always been something to do or someone to talk away the time with, but in the stillness of the college, I was completely alone.

Or maybe I wasn't.

What sounded like a bump threw all of my senses into high definition as I coiled my fingers round a fistful of flames, ready to throw at a moment's notice.

There was another slight tap, and I felt certain it was the sound of a footstep.

I pulled myself into a low crouch so I could move more freely; I then crept as quietly as I could to the doorway.

I found myself face to face with a figure shrouded entirely in black.

I didn't have time to think, as soon as we came close to each other, the figure's long muscular arms shot forward, aiming straight for my throat. I somehow managed to duck and roll clear, but it was a close call.

I was about three metres away, and whilst I paused to recover my breath, the figure had stood up, and was now advancing faster than I could even move.

The figure lunged again, and I only just managed to dodge, but not before I noticed a glint of silver. It was a dagger; this person was an assassin.

"What do you want?" I asked breathlessly, narrowly dodging another swing aimed at my neck.

The assassin ignored my question, they just grunted in frustration. Unfortunately, the femininity of the grunt assured me of the assassin's gender, which meant there was one less extremely vulnerable place to aim. The assassin slipped elegantly out of her bulky black cloak, presumably to give herself freedom to move.

I took the brief opportunity to slip my own dagger out of the sheaf around my ankle that I always wore to bed.

I didn't have much more time than that though, because within seconds, the assassin barrelled into me, a strong hand wrapped tightly round my throat. She slammed me into the wall, winding me. I would have slumped to the floor if she didn't still have her hand round my neck. She pulled her free arm, the one holding the dagger, back slowly, obviously preparing for the kill.

"What. Do. You. Want." I said as strongly as I could, trying to keep my voice from wavering despite the lack of oxygen.

"You and your little friends are nothing but pawns in this game." She hissed, pausing momentarily.

I took advantage of the brief lapse in concentration to bring my own weapon round and stick it into her shoulder. A dark stain began to spread over the black cloth. I could tell immediately she wasn't Dark Brotherhood; their armour was nigh impenetrable.

She winced slightly, but otherwise didn't make a sound. "You will come to regret that in a few minutes." She hissed darkly.

"Why? Who are you?" I had to fight to remain focused, spots where dancing in front of my eyes. "D...did you kill Brendr and Valithen?"

"Something like that." She smirked, then instantly flinched. "Your tooth went deeper than it should have." She growled, letting go of my throat to grip her wound. "Damn! Hope you're frigging grateful Sithis!"

I collapsed to the floor, unable to stop the hacking coughs that wracked my body as air tried to push itself back into my lungs.

"You better watch your back Redguard; the New Blades are a powerful enemy to have!" And with that, she melted into the shadows, disappearing as if she'd never even been there, leaving me dazed and confused on the floor.

(-)(-)(-)

"You owe me an explanation." I said angrily, facing the Arch-Mage with a stern expression on my face. I felt kind of empowered, facing up to the Arch-Mage like this. And it wasn't even that scary (so long as I pushed the fact that she could smite me with her pinkey to the back of my mind.)

"And why is that?" She replied pleasantly, pulling her silk robe tighter around her shoulders in attempt to shield herself from the cool draft blowing in from the open door.

"Somebody just tried to kill me!" I cried incredulously, although to be fair it wasn't really her fault she didn't know.

"I suppose you better come in and tell me what happened." She sighed deeply, and then gestured towards the onside of her quarters.

I stepped inside, and she followed shortly behind me. It was only after coming in from the cold that I realised quite how much warmer than the rest of the college the Arch-Mage's quarters where. I followed her to the small table and took a seat opposite her, where she handed me a small clay cup filled with some kind of herbal tea.

"It's called moon tea by the Khajit, its good for when you are unable to go back to sleep." The Arch-Mage took a deep sip from her own cup, and I followed her lead. The liquid was bitter, and took quite a bit of self-control to not spit it everywhere, but within moments of ingesting the repugnant beverage I felt far more relaxed.

"Thank you." I said quietly, my vocal chords feeling far too lazy to speak loudly.

"Now, tell me, what's all this killing people business about?" She said pleasantly, a gentle smile stretched over her face. She tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ears and looked me directly in the eye.

I suddenly felt incredibly nervous, but I managed to choke the story out anyway, "There was an assassin, in the hall of attainment. She tried to kill me, but I stabbed her shoulder and she ran away. She said she was with 'The New Blades', whatever that means."

The Arch-Mage looked deeply into the contents of her cup, her genial façade slipped for a second, and I caught a glimpse of the turmoil churning through her head, "You have no reason to lie to me, do you?"

I shook my head sadly, feeling oddly sympathetic for her despite the fact that it was _me _who'd nearly just been killed.

"And you're sure she wasn't Dark Brotherhood?" She asked, regaining her composure once more, all traces of her previous slip instantly erased.

"She wasn't wearing any armour, that's how I managed to stab her." I replied, trying to be as informative as I possibly could.

She nodded thoughtfully, "I have not got the slightest clue who these people claiming to be 'The New Blades' are-"

"Please don't lie to me." I said coldly, then instantly berating myself for it later. Who was I to speak up against her?

She just chuckled lightly, "Very well. I can't tell you who they are, that is the truth. I have only heard vague rumours, but I have been unable to make direct contact with them as of yet."

I couldn't tell if she was lying or not this time, but I decided to just go with it and see what other information I could get hold of, "Do you think they're the ones who killed Brendr and Valithen?"

"Perhaps." She said, not even trying to pretend she wasn't being overly mysterious.

"Could you not just give me a straight answer?" I pleaded, trying to appear less annoyed than I actually was.

"I think they may have _something _to do with their deaths, but I cannot say for sure. I know for a fact that the Thalmor where involved in their deaths but I cannot say to what extent. To think that the Thalmor have ties with another group though…" She trailed off; her deep black eyes left mine and fixed themselves upon the depths of her tea.

"That's a scary thought." I said quietly, more to fill the silence than anything else.

"I suppose there is very little we can do. Things will sort themselves out, you'll see." She smiled warmly, but I still felt uneasy.

"What are they trying to do though? And why would they target me? I don't even know what's going on!" I exclaimed, suddenly deciding to express my frustration.

"We will just have to wait and see." The Arch-Mage insisted firmly, "Just be careful, if you can hold your own against an assassin I doubt you have very much to worry about, but still, don't wander around on your own and always have a weapon on hand, just in case."

"Thank you for speaking with me, and I'm sorry I came round so late. I was just scared, so sorry." I explained, hurriedly standing up and tucking the chair back under the table.

"It's quite all right, this college is my life, I don't mind missing a few hours of beauty sleep if it means making one of its students feels safer walking its halls." She explained dutifully, before standing up, "I take it you wish to leave?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry." I stood up hurriedly and followed her to the wooden door. "Thanks again for speaking to me."

"I'm sorry I couldn't give you any better answers, I know you must be stressed, but hang in there. It'll sort itself out soon." She gave me a polite wave, which I returned hesitantly, before heading back towards the hall of attainment.

(-)(-)(-)

The courtyard looked strange in the dark, but despite my fears about assassins hiding in shadows waiting to jump out at me, I refused to let it get to me. I pulled my mages robes tighter around myself and continued walking steadily forward, all the while mulling over what little information the Arch-Mage had given me.

I was fairly certain she was either lying to me or withholding information, but at least she'd confirmed the link between the Thalmor and the mysterious New Blades. I wondered why they called themselves the _New _Blades, who were the original blades? I made a mental note to look them up in the Arcaneum in the morning.

When I reached the wooden door to the Hall of Attainment, I stopped.

_Be careful sister; take heed of my earlier warning_

I could have punched that voice; did it not think to warn me _before _I was attacked by an assassin?

I started to open the door again, but something other than the voice stopped me, call it instinct or whatever, but I felt a prickle on the back of my neck. My breath hitched in my throat, was it another assassin?

I stepped backwards, surveying the area carefully, my hand resting on the hilt of my dagger.

And then I saw the definitive shape of someone in mages robes, slumped against the wall of the college, looking like they were barely conscious. I figured they probably weren't an assassin.

I walked over, still remaining cautious, "Are you okay?" I asked, speaking fairly loudly in case they didn't hear me.

The person looked up, and I recognised the face immediately.

"Nalimi? Why are you out here?" I asked confused.

He looked about to speak, but he changed his mind and shook his head.

"Are you okay? Did something happen?" I took another step towards him, but he shrank away, pressing his body into the wall like he believed it might swallow him up if he got close enough.

"Stay…Stay away!" He protested, "You don't want to be anywhere near me!" He looked at me with wild red rimmed eyes, his teeth gritted as if he was only just able to hold himself together.

"Nalimi, what happened?" I said seriously, taking another step towards him.

"Please!" He tried to shout, but it came out as more of a strangled croak.

I stepped closer, and then stopped. My heart jumped into my mouth, "Nalimi…"

"I…I'm sorry…"

"Sweet Ruptga, what did you do?" I uttered, my eyes glued to the snow.

More specifically; to the bright red snow steadily blossoming from the two deep gashes in his wrists.

* * *

**A/N: AGGHHH, so sorry for the fact this chapter's quite dark =/ it won't be like this all the way through! Promise!**

**Poor Sharli though, it's been a bit of a hectic night for her, she's tough though. She'll (probably) be okay =)**

**Thanks for reading! Reviews are greatly appreciated, as are all the other thingey-majigs lets you do too show your appreciation for a story =D**


	19. Chapter 19 - Breaking Point

**Warning: This chapter is a direct continuation of the previous one, so it contains some themes that some readers may find triggering, read with caution!**

* * *

Chapter 19

"Sweet Ruptga, what did you do?" I uttered, my eyes glued to the crimson stain surrounding Nalimi's slumped form.

He closed his eyes, whether it was from loss of blood or sheer exhaustion I couldn't tell, "I was…practicing my healing spells…" he murmured.

"We both know that's not true." I replied harshly, trying to avoid looking at the wounds in his wrists. If he'd really been trying to practice healing spells they wouldn't have been that deep, or he would have asked Colette or someone to help in case it went wrong.

"It ish…" He slurred, eyes still closed and breathing still ragged.

"Fine. You know very well we don't have time to argue, save your strength, you can explain…this…" I gestured abstractly towards him, "…later." I walked forwards, intending to help him to get into the hall, but I was stopped by some kind of barrier. It was strong magic, but it didn't hurt to touch, I just knew it would be incredibly difficult to break through.

"You won't be able to get through." He uttered, opening his eyes and looking at me sleepily. "The spell will only break once I'm dead. You shouldn't have to long to wait."

"You cast this spell, didn't you?" I asked glumly, the thought that he'd go so far as to avoid help weighed heavily upon me.

"I had to account for the possibility of someone finding me before I… finished practicing my healing spells…" He smiled weakly and I shook my head disbelievingly,

"You're lying in a pool of your own blood, but you still have time joke?"

"I had to try and cheer you up, you looked so miserable!" His tone was light and jovial, so much so that I had to fight to stop myself tearing into that ward spell with every ounce of destruction magic I had available.

"Lower the ward Nalimi, I don't particularly feeling like saying goodbye to another friend." I tried to sound strong and commanding, but inside I was shaking like a leaf. What I'd said was true, I couldn't stand to see another person die.

"Well you don't have much to worry about; I hardly deserve to be called a friend, do I?" His face was calm, but I felt like he'd just stabbed me in the heart.

"Take that back!" I cried angrily.

"Why" he replied, eyes trained on the floor refusing to look at me.

"_You _are one of the only friends I have here, _you _have saved my life on multiple occasions, and have saved my life on multiple occasions, and _you…you" _I screwed my eyes shut, biting my tongue in an attempt to stem the tears, "_you _gave me the first…the first home I've had in a long, long time."

He looked at me, processing what I'd just said. "I'm sorry you feel that way." He said his voice so quiet it was almost stolen by the wind.

"Oh Ruptga, give me strength!" I cried frustrated, "You stupid, idiotic, _stupid _elf!" I slammed a fist against the barrier, it tingled slightly and small painless sparks of magic flew up from the point of contact, "You are my friend, I don't want you to die, so stop being so selfish and lift the spell!"

He shook his head sadly. "I can't, not when there's so much at stake. Trust me; this is what's best for everyone. Just leave me to die in peace."

"No! That's not true! Tell me, what would your death achieve?" I reasoned, almost dreading the answer.

"Vengeance, peace, justice, an end to the killing…the list goes on." He leant his head backwards, his skin pale enough to match the snow.

"How?" I demanded angrily.

"What… what if I told you, I'm the one responsible for Brendr's death, and Valithen's too?" He looked me directly in the eye, a heart-breaking expression of guilt plastered over his features.

"I wouldn't believe you." I laid my fingers on the barrier gently, almost as if I could comfort him that way. "How could that be true? You're one of the nicest people I've met here. You couldn't kill anyone."

"It doesn't matter what you think, it's the truth. All of this… this pain and bloodshed… it's my fault. All of it." His ragged breath began to slow, puffs of mist floating up in front of his face, He looked calm. I could tell he didn't have much time left.

"I refuse to accept that as the truth!" I exclaimed, desperation gnawed at my sense of judgement, "Now get rid of this barrier, or I will burn it down myself!" I threatened brashly.

"If you do that… I will die anyway… it's linked directly to my life force." He managed to say before his head lolled and his eyes closed.

"No!" I beat my fist against the barrier again; I couldn't believe the fight was over, I wouldn't stand by and watch another friend die!

_There is little you can do now. His death energy has spiked, he is close to the void_

The voice felt like nagging itch at back of my mind. I didn't see how it could help in the slightest; it was just taunting me now; mocking me for failing yet again to protect the people closest to me. This was my fault, just like Brendr and Lairin and Gircin.

_I am not as useless as you think. I can help you, for a price._

Desperation, when seasoned with hope, could be a dangerous thing. I knew that from experience, knew full well that this deal would probably get me into more trouble than I was already in, but I didn't really have much of a choice.

"Help me save him, and you can have whatever you want." I replied, doubt already appearing.

_You made the right decision. _

Something shifted within me, I could feel it. It was almost as if the shadow that had taken root when Aryenne cast her spell gained a little strength, dug in a little deeper. I paid it no attention though, I didn't have the time. If I didn't act soon, Nalimi would be dead.

"Tell me quickly, how do we save him?" I demanded.

_Patience sister, he is not dead yet. I have seen people come back when they are far deader than your friend here. _

"Please, just tell me what to do." I pleaded, glancing at Nalimi and the blood spreading from his wrists.

_Listen carefully, if this fails there is little more we can do. I have the power to momentarily sever the connection between his life force and the spell. When I do this, you must fire three firebolts at the ward to break it, and then pull him out of there as quickly as possible. Do you understand?_

"Completely."

_Good, be ready for anything though, that spell is strong, I don't know what will happen when the magical power supplying it loses its controller. Whatever happens, you must complete your task. _

"That's fine by me." I replied, in all truth I felt curious. I was always interested in the different uses of magic; it would be fascinating to see what would happen.

_Okay, I'm breaking the connection… now._

The light was blinding, the force terrifying. The barrier emitted a wave energy so powerful I was thrown back, and I found myself hitting the snow covered stone hard. I grit my teeth against the ache spreading through my back and conjured the spell, orange flames crackling to life in the palm of my hands.

I squinted to see the barrier; I must have hit my head when I fell though, because everything looked blurry. I weakly raised my arms, trying to aim for the glowing sphere surrounding Nalimi. It was incredibly bright and I could barely even see him, but I aimed nonetheless.

My first shot hit it; an eruption of sparks flew into the air and rained to the floor. A couple landed on the exposed flesh of my face and hands, leaving angry red welts where they touch.

I grit my teeth against the pain. The light was a little dimmer now, but still intense. I took aim again, as I did so fatigue gnawed at my muscles but there was nothing I could do about that so I ignored it in favour of firing off another shot.

More sparks, more burns. But I could tell I'd nearly broke through the spell, the light was much dimmer and I could look straight at it without it dimming. I aimed again, but something stopped me, a vague haze forming a couple of metres in front of me.

I pulled myself to my feet, prepared to confront the apparition quickly and efficiently. It was probably some kind of energy being created by the raw power of the spell, a kind of magical defence mechanism. It fascinated me, so I didn't destroy it immediately, I let it manifest itself.

"Help me Sharli, he killed me, let him die! Don't you care for me more?" It spoke with Brendr's voice, and for a moment, I entertained the idea he'd somehow broken through the chains of death to talk to me. I knew it was impossible, ridiculous even, but it was a nice idea.

The apparition disappeared fairly quickly when I shot the third and final fireball at the ward spell, via its abdomen.

The ward sputtered, spitting out sparks of dying energy. It reminded me of the way someone might cough up blood, but I dispensed with that thought immediately, it was kind of gory. I shielded my face from the sparks, despite the fact that I'd destroyed the spell they still burnt, and I had enough burns on my face and hands to last me a life time.

With a final heave, the ward gave in, dissipating into the stillness of the night and leaving nothing but a faint buzz of energy, a subtle reminder that there was something there and it hadn't just been my imagination.

I allowed myself a second of celebration before I got back to the task at hand. I ran forward, heart pounding furiously. What if the ward hadn't been destroyed? What if it was too little too late and Nalimi had already died? I shook myself; I couldn't think like that, I had to stay positive.

I reached the place where he'd been sat; he was still there and hadn't been burnt to a crisp by the fire bolt spells, which was always a good sign. I knelt down beside where he was slumped against the wall and, ignoring the still bleeding wounds, pressed a finger to his wrist; his pulse was erratic, but thankfully still there.

I took a deep breath, trying to decide what to do. I knew enough about basic healing that I could figure out the frigid temperatures where probably the only reason he hadn't already bled to death, but if I didn't get him inside soon he'd freeze before he had the chance to bleed out. I settled for tearing thin strips of cotton off of the bottom of my cloak, they were mediocre bandages of best, but they'd serve their purpose until I found something more suitable. I gritted my teeth, and began the arduous task of carting Nalimi's barely breathing body inside.

(-)(-)(-)

I stood outside the newly refurbished stock room-come-infirmary, lost in thought. Once I'd dragged Nalimi inside, I'd been at a loss as to what to do. Luckily, Faralda found us, and instantly roused Collette from slumber. After that, things had been out of my hands; I'd been able to do very little whilst the two of them set about saving my friend's life with business-like efficiency.

It had been difficult to watch, after Faralda had ripped open the sleeves on his robes to reveal the gory mess; I'd been forced to guiltily turn away, fighting the oncoming tide of worry-tinged nausea. After an anxious half hour, Faralda had told me to go and fetch Tolfdir because, as head wizard, it was important he be informed of all major incidents concerning students at the college. I'd done as she asked, but I still heard the gut-wrenching scream she'd been trying to get me to avoid. It was probably a good sign though; it meant Nalimi was still alive, for now.

Tolfdir hadn't been too impressed about being woken up so late at night, but to his credit he had taken me completely seriously when I said someone had been hurt, despite the lack of detail I'd provided. He'd told me to show him to where I needed him to go, and he'd followed me diligently. Once we arrived at the infirmary though, he'd walked inside without giving me a second glance.

At some point I must have sat down, because when Tolfdir remerged, I stood up eagerly, "How is he?" I asked anxiously.

Tolfdir chuckled slightly; I couldn't understand why, "You're incredibly forward for a mere apprentice, aren't you? No wonder Arvela's so taken with you!"

"I'm sorry if I came across as being rude, it's just I've been really worried…" I trailed off, images of deep wounds and blood soaked corpses flickering past my mind's eye.

"No need to apologise, I understand completely. And to answer your previous question, your friend is doing fine." He smiled warmly, and I felt comforted by his mere presence. If he said everything was fine, then it surely would be.

"That's good to hear." I replied, returning the smile.

"Now, if you don't mind, there are some questions I must ask you in relation to this… incident." He phrased it so politely, but I knew exactly what was coming next. He was going to lay the blame at my door, say it was my fault Nalimi did what he did, I would probably believe him as well.

"Of course." I replied, trying to keep the nerves from straining my voice.

Tolfdir gestured to the leather seats lined up against the wall. I sat down in the one closest to me, and Tolfdir sat next to me. "Alright, well, first things first, I'm sure you are aware of the college's policies on spiritual wellbeing?"

My stomach dropped, "Vaguely." I uttered.

"Here at the College of Winterhold, we believe that when practicing the arcane arts safely, spiritual and emotional wellbeing are just as important as physical health, does that sound familiar to you?" He said kindly.

"Yeah, I guess…" I shrugged.

"You don't need to worry, everything will be fine," He assured me, making direct eye contact, "you have to understand though, what happened today was quite serious, and it is my job as head wizard to make sure nothing like this happens again, okay?"

"I understand that perfectly, do you think I enjoyed seeing one of my closest friends lying half dead on the floor?" I retorted angrily, it felt like he was accusing me of trivialising what had happened, when I was doing the exact opposite.

"Can we please stop talking in circles? We need to discuss the matter at hand as soon as possible." He stated gruffly.

"I'm sorry." I replied honestly, angry at myself for mouthing off to such an important person, especially when he was just trying to help.

"Good, now, firstly I want to ask how _you're _handling this. It must be very stressful, especially with everything else that's been going on." He probed, and I wanted to tell him everything, but I knew I couldn't. For all I knew he was in cahoots with the Arch-Mage.

"I'm doing fine, all things considered, "I thought for a moment, before adding,"I've been through much worse and made it out okay, Nalimi has too. As long as I'm still breathing, I'm fine." I smiled what I hoped was strong smile.

Tolfdir nodded thoughtfully, "That's good, you know you can always talk to me if you need anything, right?"

"Of course." I kept smiling, although in reality I wanted to run outside and scream in frustration. It always annoyed me when people said that, like they actually expected me to take them up on the offer.

"Good. Now the next thing I wanted to ask you was, well this is going to seem a little forward, but… do you have any idea what drove Nalimi to attempt to take his own life?" He sounded so eloquent, but the question itself was so ugly. I felt like a big gaping hole had suddenly been torn straight through the middle of my stomach.

"I… I honestly have no idea…" I uttered truthfully, guilt spiking at the corners of my mind.

"Don't blame yourself, often when people are deeply unhappy they let very few of their true emotions show." Tolfdir said wisely.

"That's the thing though… it was so obvious he was struggling… especially after Valithen died, he seemed so distant…" I couldn't think what else to say, disappointment in my own powers of empathy had bitten my tongue clean off.

"You just thought he'd snap out of it on his own, didn't you?" Tolfdir suggested, and I found myself agreeing with him.

I nodded, "I've seen it before, after a particularly troubling death, people sometimes nee d to isolate themselves to process what happened. My mother was the same, after my father died; she ignored me and my siblings for three years. She snapped out of it eventually though, and it was her _husband _who'd died, not a mere acquaintance!" My eyes felt moist, I pretended to cough so I could discretely turn my head and wipe the tears away.

"You are not to blame for this, you are not psychic, there was no way you could have known what was going to happen." He insisted, his voice stern and commanding. He was right as well, but I felt like someone had to be blamed, and that someone might as well have been me.

"But still… I should have realised-"

"No. There was no way you could have known." He insisted again, cutting me off.

I yawned, weariness suddenly swamping every cell of my body, "Is there anything else you wanted to ask?"

"No, I think that is enough for now, you're obviously tired. If you're tired you're less likely to think rationally, so you need to get some rest." He asserted calmly.

"But what about Nalimi?" I asked, unable to forget that he was right next door, and possibly taking his last breaths.

"I think it is safe to say he is quite firmly lodged on the mortal coil for now, but I promise to personally fetch you should that change." He stood, and I followed suit.

"Well, thank you." I said, somewhat awkwardly.

"Go, rest. There is much to do once you wake up." He smiled and waved, and I made my way towards my own room, not even caring about the blood splatters on the sheets as I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

* * *

**A/N: AGH! LATE AGAIN! I'm so sorry, I've been a bit distracted this week, mostly by Dragon Age: Orgins and Maggie Stiefvater's new book, both of which made me cry enough to fill a bathtub, so sorry about that =(**

** Oh, and for anyone who was wondering, all the apprentices are in their early twenties, the Arch-Mage is in her thirties , as were Aryenne and Brendr. **

** Thanks for reading!**


	20. Chapter 20 - Eye of The Storm

Chapter 20 –

"So, as I am sure you are all aware, there has been a great deal of disruption to our classes recently, but hopefully we can put all of that behind us and focus fully on your education." Drevis Neloran addressed the class formally, trying to sound as upbeat as possible. He was doing remarkably well trying to sound optimistic, especially seeing as only me, J'barri, and Estette where present (Dar-Ja had decided to go back to Black marsh, something about stress making her scales peel) , and of us three, only I was even trying to pay attention.

Even then, I wasn't concentrating fully. There was one place my mind automatically wandered back to: the events of last night. It had been shocking, painful, and most of all completely bewildering. In the confusion, a lot of things had escaped my notice, and I'd allowed people to brush important topics completely under the radar, the list's topper being 'why on Nirn had there been an assassin in the hall of attainment?!'

I was also worried about Nalimi; I hadn't seen him since last night. When I tried finding him this morning before lessons, Collette had just told me to go away and stop pestering people who had important jobs to do. I felt she'd been incredibly short with me, did I not have a right to be worried when my friend nearly _cut his hands off?! _Just thinking about her made me want to punch something, unfortunately seeing as I was in the middle of a lesson and the only available punching bag happened to be a master level mage, I had to settle for angrily digging my nails into my palms and clenching my teeth.

"So with that said, I think we should begin today's lesson. So, what do you remember from our last lecture on the Doom stones?" He looked at each of us expectantly, but J'barri and Estette ignored him to continue their own conversation, and I honestly couldn't remember what a doom stone even was.

"Very well, we shall recap from the beginning. A doom stone is a-"He stopped speaking, and sighed at the sight of my raised hand, "Yes, Sharli?"

"I know this isn't really related," I began awkwardly, "But what do you know about death energy?"

He looked taken aback by the question, but tried to answer anyway, "Well, err, that's a bit of a macabre topic for the first lesson back… to my understanding death energy is the amount of energy accumulated by a soul passing onto wherever it is they chose to go… say, where did you hear such a term anyway? There're no books on the topic in the Arcaneum as far as I know."

"Well, err," I struggled to come up with a decent excuse, he probably wouldn't react to well if I told him the voice in my head told me about it, "it's something the mages of the Alik'r desert are very interested in. I was just wondering what college mages knew about it."

"Really? I wasn't aware the Alik'r desert had any committed mages groups."

"I…It doesn't… there's just…" It felt a bit like I was digging myself into a hole, but I just couldn't shut up. "…a yearly assembly…. Sometimes… maybe…"

"I see." He looked doubtful, but he let it drop. "Well, let's get back on topic. Doom stones can be found throughout Tamriel, and they take many different shapes and sizes."

I stopped listening fairly quickly, why did I need to know about _doom stones _anyway? They were undoubtedly interesting, but they didn't really do much. There were far more exciting things we could be learning about, like dragon burial sites or Dwemer ruins. They would be far more relevant areas of study as well, dragon burial sites because the dragon crisis was so recent, and dwemer ruins because that's what every mage who didn't study actual magic researched.

I decided to voice my concerns, "Sir, why are we studying this?"

Drevis Neloran sighed, and I realised I'd interrupted him mid-sentence, "Did your mother not teach you even the most basic of manners?" He snapped.

"I'm really sorry, I didn't realise you were speaking!" I started to feel very uncomfortable, which probably wasn't helped by the fact that J'barri was staring at me with a sly grin on his face.

"Of course I was speaking! This is a lecture, the clue's in the name!" He glared at me angrily; it was almost like there where lightning spells shooting out of his eyes.

"Sorry…I wasn't paying much attention…"

He threw his hands up exasperatedly, "Is anyone?" He glanced around the room, laying eyes first on me, then J'barri and Estette, and finally the four empty spaces. He shook his head, "I don't suppose anyone is. The Arch-mage must have bigger things to worry about than recruitment." He paused for a moment, once again surveying the mostly empty hall, "I don't suppose there's much point in any of us being here, is there? Very well. You may leave if you wish, I certainly will be."

Immediately, J'barri and Estette reached for their satchels which they'd abandoned by a nearby pillar.

I watched them, "Do you two have no shame?" I asked incredulously.

"Who needs shame when you have the afternoon off?" J'barri said with a coy grin.

"What about you, Estette?" I turned my attention to the Breton, who was at that moment pulling the end of her long golden braid from under the strap of her bag.

"I think J'barri wants me to go with him… so… yeah…" She gave me a small smile and a shrug.

"Ok…" I suddenly felt very small, watching them leave the massive hall, leaving me alone with no one but a disgruntled mage for company.

"Well, I'll be seeing you next week Sharli, that is if you're still here. Odds are you won't be." I turned to see Drevis Neloran gathering his masses of scrolls and books into his arms.

"Thank you." My small voice echoed throughout the hall, quieter and quieter until the sound disappeared entirely.

"Whatever for?" He looked confused, enough too temporarily stop trying to jam any more bits of random tat into his already strained satchel.

"Well, you know, for trying. We're not exactly the easiest class to teach; especially now there's so few of us. Hopefully Nalimi…" I paused as images flashed through my mind, images of blood and fire and mysterious voices in the night. "He should be here for your next lesson."

"You're most welcome." He smiled warmly, and tightened his grip on his scrolls once more, before departing from the hall.

It was then that I realised pretty much everyone had given up. J'barri and Estette clearly weren't much interested in learning anymore, and there would surely be many masters with similar opinions to Drevis, why teach apprentices who show no passion for the subject matter? In their situation, I'd probably take the stance myself.

And then there was Nalimi. I'd tried to avoid thinking about last night, but now I was alone, I had space to dwell, room to second guess myself. I couldn't help but wonder why he tried to do… that. He always seemed happy, or at least content, there had been virtually no warning signs that he was so unhappy with his life that he'd try to escape it.

I was convinced that there was something more, something I didn't know about. Maybe it hadn't been a deliberate injury after all, maybe tripped and cut himself on the dagger strapped to his waist, or maybe it was the work of the assassin, or he'd been ordered to do it by the Arch-Mage, or…or…

A prickling sensation took root in my nose, and I could feel my eyes moistening. I staggered backward until my back came into contact with a stone pillar; I sank down to the cold floor, and hugged my knees to my chest. I was alone, completely. My family kicked me out, my teachers wanted nothing to do with me, and my closest friend preferred the company of Sithis to spending time with me.

I suppose it was my fault; I frequently tried my hardest to drive everyone away, I could hardly be surprised when it worked. I was nosy, and apathetic, and completely selfish. I lied and manipulated people just as much as they lied to and manipulated me, then had the audacity to feel put out when it came back to bite me in the buttocks. All this, added to the fact that I'd barely spared my siblings a thought all the while I'd been here, and it was no surprise I was the only one in this hall.

"Where on Nirn is everyone?"

I turned at the sound of a voice, "Nalimi?" The mere sight of him brought a thousand different un-nameable emotions to the surface; guilt, anger, but primarily an overwhelming sense of relief. He was okay, I was okay, and for the moment, the world felt just fine the way it was.

His eyes widened at the sight of me, a half smile slipping over his lips, "Sharli…" He glanced down, his expression turning instantly into one of regret, "Listen Sharli, I'm really sorry-"

He was cut off by the fact that I'd jumped to my feet, and ran the few short steps between us to tackle him with a giant bear hug, "Shut up you idiot!" I half sobbed, half laughed into his shoulder as I buried my face in the warm fabric of his robe.

"O…Okay…" He stammered, whilst awkwardly patting my back, "Did I miss something? You seem oddly happy… I thought you'd be at least mad enough to make me dodge multiple firebolts…"

I broke away from the hug, holding him at arm's length, "Why would I be mad? I'm just happy to see you're okay!" I smiled broadly, but he didn't reciprocate.

"But last night… you already looked stressed; I probably just made it worse." His eyes where downcast, and his shoulders sagged. It was a look I'd seen all too often, and not just on Nalimi. Multiple murders had a tendency to lower morale.

"It was nothing I couldn't handle," I tried to sound upbeat and reassuring; it didn't seem to be working. "The last few weeks have been difficult for everyone, but maybe things will calm down soon and everyone can relax." That was probably wishful thinking on my part, "No need to look so glum!"

He smiled slightly, and it seemed my pep-talk had done the trick, "You're probably right, this whole mess will…" He paused, and we both braced ourselves for hope, "…it will be sorted out soon enough."

"If that's good enough for you, it's good enough for me." I felt oddly confident, standing there in that hall with Nalimi, the two of us where alive and kicking, and so long as we had that we could take on the world.

Nalimi took a step a back, finally smiling fully. It was a proper smile too, a big beam that crinkled the skin around his ochre eyes, and revealed a pair of childlike dimples in his angular cheeks, "That It is."

Everything was going fine, until I remembered something. "Nalimi?" I said quietly, a sinking feeling spreading through stomach.

"What's wrong?" He asked, concerned, his smile morphing with practiced ease into a worried frown. He stepped towards me, but I stepped back.

"It's just… last night… you said something…"

His frown deepened, a deep furrow appeared in his brow, "What?"

"What did you mean, when you said…" I could barely bring myself to repeat it, at the time I'd dismissed as desperation, but now… "When you said you were responsible for Brendr and Valithen's deaths?"

The hall was silent, except for the sound of our breathing, and one muttered word,

"Sorry."

And then, he ran.

* * *

**A/N: ARGH! WHY CAN I NOT STICK TO AN UPDATE SCHEDULE! =( I'm so sorry that this took so long (I know I say that pretty much every week, but I am! Honest!) I've been trying to write more, and we've had a week off for half term and I was planning to write loads, but everybody wants me to do stuff! =[ Seriously, I've had about five different family members pestering me to go places with them, and tidy stuff, and that's not even mentioning the homework! I swear, my maths teacher is some kind of evil devil spawn =/ And sorry for ranting, but I just thought you deserved an explanation for why I'm such a crappy uploader, but really there's no excuse. I should be making more time for writing, so sorry =( **

** Thanks for reading =) I have this niggling feeling that I wanted to say something else... it'll come to me =)**


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